Saturday
Jul112009
Early Detection is Key
July 11, 2009 During these summer months, it's extra important to perform regular bakery checks. So just remember your ABCs, everyone:
A: Is the "design" awful?B: Is the border ragged or irregular?
C: Is the color reminiscent of a contagious skin disease?
If you see anything suspicious, don't delay: photograph the offending specimen and submit it to a licensed professional* immediately.
*And by "licensed professional", I mean "the blogger who specializes in ridiculing ridiculous Wreckage". (Now say that three times fast...)
Eric P., thanks for this important reminder.
- Related Wreckage: How To Make Your Twins Hate You
Reader Comments (131)
Is that... intentional? If it's mold, that's actually kind of neat.
I had something that looked like that growing in my refrigerator one time.
What is it supposed to be?? It's like the airbrush threw up on the cake, and someone said "Someone'll still buy it. Put it on display!"
Lo, what skin ailment
plagues yonder big box sheet cake?
Call Dr. Rorschach!
Some call the CSI's this cake has been murdered (and most brutally by the looks of it!)
The murder scene/sanitary towel motif certainly is unique.
Good lord, what on earth is that?
I, uh...what the heck is that supposed to be anyway? It looks like the decorator was high on some cheap crack to me. lol
~Liz
that is just foul. what is that?
It totally looks like someone bled all over the cake, but they're selling it anyway. Way to go, bakery manager! Make money while the wreckerator is at the ER!P
omg! it looks like the baker cut themself over the cake ... ugggghhh... just totally lost my appetite!
That is SO disgusting. What was it supposed to be?!?
So I found myself staring at this cake expecting an image to appear.
THAT was actually on a bakery shelf?!?!?!?!? That is horrible!
Wow..what is that cake supposed to be? I don't see anything recognizable! Oh wait..I think I see a bunny in there somewhere. Sort of in the middle but to the left a bit. Anyone else?? Is it an ink blot cake? I'm baffled and certainly wouldn't pay money for this!!
Finally a Dexter cake. I'm in love.
I say Ink blot test to see how crazy wreck reporters are?
My boyfriend insist the top left corner was "Hi" written with one of those blowpens for kids..but they sneezed cause ink to to spray everywhere...
what do you supposed that used to be and how old is it anyway? What do want to bet the fridge quit sometime in it's lifetime? Yuck!!
What on earth is that supposed to BE?
Mmmmmmmmm, food posioning.
Did the "decorator" cut her hand? Wow.
Woooo Hoooo!! One of the first to comment!!
Looks like the bakers had a fight in the back and one had a nosebleed....on the cake....
eeewwwwww.............
~Heather~
It seems the baker has cut him/herself on one of those ragged icing edges and bled all over the cake.
It is scary to think 1) someone might actually buy the cake and 2) someone might actually eat the cake. There is something seriously wrong with that cake that only the CDC will be able to determine!
Maybe it's supposed to be an inkblot test....I see...a horse and buggy riding along the water with it's reflection below it. Easy peasy!
Julie
It looks a bit like a map to Pern or some other fantasy land.
Not that I'd eat it, even then. Looks sketchy.
I bet I know what it is.
It's supposed to be a Rorschach test design. It's for Mental Illness Day
The label is crooked, too.
I think this is missing some copper toppers.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
is it supposed to be Dexter themed, lol?
did someone get shot in the bakery?
I think I see the face of Jesus...
Looks like someone said 'I don't give a damn anymore, I can't please anyone' and just dripped food coloring on it.
"Ahhh, excuse me, Mr. Bakery Manager? Someone appears to have bled on your cake."
Some Goth teenager is just going to pee themselves in excitement when they get that cake on their birthday.
Its perfectly obvious what it is - now that everyone uses teabags the fortune tellers cannot read teacups, so you buy one of these cakes and the fortune teller reads your slice.
I hate to be a nitpicker, but I read this blog everyday and it's driving me crazy!
Jen, commas and periods always go inside the quotation marks.
Exclamation points and question marks go inside if they are a part of the quote, outside if they are a part of the entire sentence but not the quote.
I love your blog.
This looks like a photo of a melanoma. Once again, I'm amazed at what people will sell (and buy, presumably)
I also saw the cake and immediately thought of my favorite blood spatter analyst by day, serial killer by night, and very sexy Dexter! It just needs some red string to show us the direction of the blows. "You must have been a mother at cats cradle" ~Bautista
I <3 Dexter!
I see half a skull and crossbones on the right side of the cake... not sure about the other half.
It is so like a Rorschach test!!
Look at the artificial contaminants ingredients list slapped onto the lid - the stuff is leaking out, that's all.
On the label it says "1/4 sheet marble cake". Was this their attempt at marbling the icing? If so, it failed.
In my brain, that's a Dexter cake, which makes me love it a little bit.
It was a calm day in the kitchen until Stacey saw Jeff's latest "design." It was more than she could take since it was part of a theme: he'd recently sent out a "Hapy Brithady" cake and a pile of poo he had called a "chocolate mountain." But no more.
"Hey, Jeff...your piping looks a bit off maybe you'd like some help?"
"No, Stacey. I'm Okay." Jeff said as he reached for some curling ribbon. And hen something snapped in Stacey and she grabbed a knife from the counter and started wildly swinging at Jeff.
"No more Wrecks! What's wrong with you?! Holes in fondant, misspellings, no perspective!!!"
Jeff's body fell to the floor like a sack of flour, the curling ribbon still clutched in his hand. Stacey looked at the mess, and then at the cake. It was splattered with Jeff's blood. She got a spatula so she could fix the cake but then she stopped. No, she thought, she wouldn't change a thing on it and she smiled as she readied it for the display case. This would be Jeff's last contribution to the world of cakes.
I noticed the label says "1/4 sheet Marble Cake". Maybe it's the Wreckerator's attempt to create a marbleized look to the frosting as well? Whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be working that well. O.o
Two words: "arterial spray". Somebody needs to do a headcount of the bakery staff, pronto.
Ummm...?
~Amy B
It's a CSI cake! Judging from the blood spatter pattern I'd say the Wreckerator got it in the head...
Gah. Who would BUY that thing?
Megan
www.adventuresofacarnivore.com
That looks like the gauze I took off my leg after I skinned it up sliding into home playing kickball.
OK....besides it being a complete bloody mess.....if I squint my eyes I can see an angel holding a Christmas tree in the top left corner, a reindeer in the top right corner, and Santa's sleigh on the bottom.
But when I unsquint my eyes I see that someone bled all over the cake.
Gross....
**love the Dexter comments!**