Early Detection is Key
During these summer months, it's extra important to perform regular bakery checks. So just remember your ABCs, everyone:
B: Is the border ragged or irregular?
C: Is the color reminiscent of a contagious skin disease?
If you see anything suspicious, don't delay: photograph the offending specimen and submit it to a licensed professional* immediately.
*And by "licensed professional", I mean "the blogger who specializes in ridiculing ridiculous Wreckage". (Now say that three times fast...)
Eric P., thanks for this important reminder.
- Related Wreckage: How To Make Your Twins Hate You
Reader Comments (131)
"ahem, what should i put on this cake? oh no! there is mold in the refrigerator! i know what i'll do. i'll put the mold on this cake!"
that my friends, is what this wrecker was thinking.
~Lucia Winter
It look likes a mentrual pad.
O_____________O
Grimperspective wins! Great story, Grim!
My husband thinks he sees a velociraptor
I actually *snorted* out loud when I read grimperspective's story! I could see that happening! Best. Story.
My guess here is a combo of two things. One is a starting idea that the grocery chain bakery I once worked for called a "tie dye" cake - food coloring dripped directly on the icing and using an empty airbrush to blow it into multi-colored patterns. Then, I'm going to say a late shifter gave up halfway through, spilled too much red, and/or then discovered the airbrushes were gone/out for maintenance, and just let it go hoping someone would buy the wreck before the supervisor came in and saw it.
I believe it is a test for a CSI team to check if they can perform DNA/HIV/HepB-C analysis out of blood on top of a cake. I'm sure they'll pass and have the results in 10 minutes using only a centrifuge ;)
Maybe the decorator is a big fan of Dexter. Looks like a stab wound splatter to me.
My four-year-old has cleared up the mystery. I asked what the cake was of, and she said, "It's red throw-up."
Oh God, it's an original Watchmen cake! It's... Rorschach!
No, actually it's just a wreck. An epic wreck.
Maybe there was a zombie attack and all of the wrecktators turned into zombies... like in Dawn of the Dead where the gun salesman guy just smears blood all over his markerboard as a message to the other people... Or maybe that's just me :)
I'm hoping that's a blood spatter cake. Quick, somebody call Dexter Morgan! :)
What were they going for there? "Congratulations on your cancer!"
It reminds me of a pad. =X
Is that a Twilight cake?
I see the Starship Enterprise waging war on a couple of turtles. Really.
I kind of like the design, the color choice, though, is unfortunante.
Granted, I don't know what color would be better.
grimperspective made me laugh out loud, as did this post. Way to go, guys!
Nothing says "Congratulations on Your Diagnosis" quite like that wreck.
It KIND OF looks like someone was trying to make the United States. Kind of. That was all I could come up with...
-W
It looks like the scene in Watchmen right after (SPOILER ALERT) Rorschach was killed.
Yay, murder scene cake!
I honestly can't think of any other effect they could possibly be going for with that.
Though, it would be a fun theme to run with if you had the right crowd. Have the party at your local speakeasy, tell everyone to come armed and dressed like mobsters, and write somethihg like-
Farewell, Johnny "The Rat" Marcello!
-on the cake. ^_^
wha?
did the cake decorator slice an artery and bleed all over the cake?
That would make a great zombie party cake, don't you think?
Ewwwww! It looks like the decorator had a nosebleed, and no kleenex!
Those bakers attended the tale of Sweeney Todd...heh
This cake should be for a thirteen year old girl....
but they forgot the inscription:
"Congrats on becoming a woman!"
O_o My first impression was definitely mold . . . or period blood. Disgusting.
I have nothing to say about the cake that hasn't already been said, but I wanted to thank all the wonderful commenters for all the laughs that I really needed. (Nice to see so many other Dexter fans around, too.)
Yuck. Who bled out on the cake.
http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/
Oh whoa, it looks like the decorator may have gotten a cut somehow and decided oxidized blood was a nice touch. How creative of them :]
There are less graphic ways to say "Congratulations on reaching menarche", you know.
C'est très appétissant !
Could it be red velvet cake crumbles that were too wet?
That's the only sane thing that makes sense to me...
Am I missing something? Can't a girl just order a CSI cake for her CSI Club Party? I was specific when I ordered the bloody cake. I wanted it to look like an intentional homicide. This cake is beautiful!
There's nothing wrong with this cake - it's just upside-down.
*stands on head*
There. All better.
Little Luxuries said Two words: "arterial spray". Somebody needs to do a headcount of the bakery staff, pronto.
Nah, it lacks directionality. Doesn't look like it simply dripped either, though. Cast off from a weapon maybe?
And really, WTF?! Whoever took this picture, please tell us the story behind this cake!
I don't understand... What is it suppose to be???
it's for an American Psycho party. duh!
(that tasteful off-white color is a nice touch, but the border would probably not pass muster. Patrick Bateman would not only send it back, he would finish the job, if you know what I mean.)
You may find a tip of the baker's index finger in there, be warned.
dude...when someone poops on your cake, it's not good. not good.
Man, if the cake looks this bad, the body must look awful.
Yay! Sweeney Todd! The latest fad in kids' birthday cakes. It should come with a little plastic barber's chair.
For the first time in the two years that I have been visiting your blog, I saw a picture that made me scream aloud. lol
Oh oh, I see a doe (stretch) in the figure at the top-right. She's jumping. Her tail also seems to be a little separate from her body.
It's a "congrats on your first period" cake, obviously
I got it! Someone ordered a cake for a NCIS or CSI themed party! And then cancelled! And the baker decided "well, *someone will buy it!"
Or not.
Guys, it's obviously a tribute to Michael Jackson! He/she was listening to "Blood on the Dance Floor" and figured it was a marvellous idea for a cake.
I think you're supposed to stare at it for 30 seconds and then stare at a blank wall to see the image.
That looks like it should be bagged as evidence. Eeesh.
Ingeborg said...
"Guys, it's obviously a tribute to Michael Jackson!"
*******************
I happen to see your point, here.
If you look really closely at the label, under the "3/4 SHEET" part, it does say, "MICHAEL J CAKE."
I didn't say it makes SENSE--I'm only pointing out a possiblility.
Of course, it *could* also be that there is an actual cake called the "Michael J Cake" for any number of other other reasons... Here's one: The famous impressionist artist Michael J Cake designed and copyrighted this image.
How simple was that?
(And don't EVEN tell me that you've never heard of this guy.)
>^--^<
Oh my gosh...is it only me or does that look like an unwrapped bloody bandage? Or one of the slides I examined for biology last year...gross.
Anna Marie
I'm sure many have tried to determine what this cake is all about by squinting. It's a cake for paleolithic anthropologists. It's a cave painting and the patterns, made of red ochre, depict prehistoric scenes of animals, hunters, and other ancient blog topics. ;)