Insulting Inscriptions 101
June 2, 2009 Some handy tips when crafting the perfect cake zinger:
1) Don't misspell it.
There's nothing like borrowing song lyrics for a backhanded compliment, but misspell the thing (and omit all the necessary apostrophes) and you come across more crude than clever.
2) Be specific.
Ok, so Charity smells - but what does she smell like? Hmm? Could be roses, or cotton candy. (Mmm, cotton candy...) This is the time to release your inner muse: tell us what putrescent stench Charity is emitting, and really explore your literary space, ok?
3) Keep it simple.
While you're exploring that space, though, don't get so carried away that no one can tell what you're trying to say. Instead of an oddly phrased "Youth Forgot", why not go with something more straightforward? You know, like this:
See, the lack of exclamation marks or capital letters here really brings home juuust the right amount of indifference. Even the off-centered leaning seems to say, "Hey, I got you a cake, alright? Don't go pushing your geezer luck by expecting quality."
And lastly,
4) A little name-calling can go a long way.
Again, creativity is king here. Just watch your penmanship; that "Fink" could almost be mistaken for "Tink".
Thanks to this next one I think I've found my new favorite pet name for John:
Brilliant!
Reader Comments (87)
I worked with a guy with the last name of "Fink", so that cake might not be quite as insulting. Still, you know his friends still giggle in their heads whenever they call him Fink.
I really think "Chucknuts" legs are sexy. :)
chucknuts! Excellent!
Your birthday? A chance
To ice how we REALLY feel.
Your mama? Hamster.
Oh my. xDDDDD
Your commentary, as always, kills me. xD
Indifference, indeed! They couldn't even be bothered to capitalize old Joe's name. And where are the sperm balloons?
To Jen and ChuckNuts:
Perhaps Charity smells of elderberries, or because she ,"Fetchez la vache!"
Cow fetching is smelly work.
WV: suctedp: She got invited to the boss's party because she suctedp to her.
I love the new nickname! Might have to follow suit on that. Thanks for so many daily laughs Jen!
I think some of these people need to get together, huddle up and swap apostraphes.
CHUCKNUTS!!!! LMAO!
DK
http://uberfoodnoob.blogspot.com/
Chucknuts? Chucknuts?! That's brilliant. Wow. It might surpass "asshat" in my book.
Fantastic entry, yet again.
Priceless!!
The gold digger one gave me a massive headache for some reason. Must be all the gold digging paraphenalia.
I really like the Chucknuts one though.
Brianna M.
That last cake is pretty awesome. The others are just lame, but that one definitely made me laugh. I'd get it for my dad just for the WTF factor.
funny
funny
funny...
CHUCKNUTS!!!!! *Giggling* That is priceless.
So many good insults out there...now, if I could only remember them when I need them.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
I personally like the few pieces of round sprinkles that are trying to escape the side on Joe's cake.
lmao, "chucknuts", wtf?
Oh, I needed that this morning. Thank you.
That last cake is totally not a wreck! It's awesome!!
I'm also with everyone else in thinking Chucknuts is the best nickname/insult ever. :D
I love how Chucknuts is so old he requires a cane AND a wheel chair. Priceless!
HAHAHA! XD Joe is old :P These are hilarious cakes.
Oh! oh... no I don't think my birthday cake(s) really count as wrecks as they were quite ordinary looking....
...until we lit 710 candles that we had placed on them. I wonder if I have any pictures of that. Yeah 710 candles on 5 cakes. Long story involving an injoke that involves an error in the tax departments records but yeah...
Charity smells of latex. Oh yeah :P
That wheelchair cake for Chucknuts is really well done. The artwork is perfection all the way down to the guy's beefy calf muscles, which have remained quite well-defined for a dude confined to a wheelchair.
I'd love to know how many recipients cried when they received their cake.
Oddly enough, my friend Eric's last name is Fink, and he just had a birthday. Maybe that cake was intedend for him but he rejected it. Can't say I blame him. : )
And I'm so calling my boyfriend Chucknuts from now on. It's a new term of endearment.
Is it too late to put "chucknuts" on the book jacket?
Funny because I didn't even think of Charity being a name at first. I thought someone was all against 'saving the children' or donating to Salvation Army or something: Charity smells!
Perhaps the "Fink" cake is actually a poorly-penned cake for someone (nick)named "Tink"?
Also, perhaps Charity smells is meant to convey that Charity goes around sniffing things. Depending what she and her friends (and the wreckerator) have been sniffing, that would explain a thing or two.
can we talk about what's going on amidst the border of "charity smells? broken cookies? asphalt?
Fink was a pretty common name in the south in the early 1900's. I guess it's possible the cake is for someone turning 100...
It was my great-grandfather's name, short for Finkley.
Wonderful site you have here, you've given me many great laughs!
I was always taught that "smells" is a verb... I believe to properly insult Charity one would have to say she stinks :)
I know a guy named Chuck with a great sense of humour. I'm gonna start calling him "Chucknutts!" LOL
These cakes are sad.
~Amy B.
At first glance I thought those gems on the gold digger cake were condoms. :-o
Maybe there was an office party and there were two Charity's in the office---Charity Smells and Charity Smith. This way, the ladies can tell exactly which cake was theirs. Showing the Charity Smith cake just wouldn't have made sense and isn't near as funny as Charity Smells. I also thought it might have been someone who was against donating to those less fortunate......
Bah! Your mother was a hamster!
WV: dictogi- Dictogi walked into a bar. Chucknuts ducked...
The lack of overall smarts in the "Gold Digger" inscription is only fitting as the man who put that phrase in the vernacular is himself not a fan of literacy (per this week's Sunday Sweets). Some legacy, eh?
Thus concludes my first CW comment ever. Thanks for making my mouth water with a side of laughter every day.
Just found your blog the other night and laughed out loud to myself with each entry I read. I even had to call my brother in and we were just hysterical!
Love your blog. You're definitly the highlight of my blog reading time now :)
Charity smells cake!!
Come on, how hard was that? :)
I worked for a Dr Fink (who, name notwithstanding, is an awesome doc and a wonderful man). And when we referred to him or to the other doctor, we just called them by their last names. As in 'Fink said he needs to be out of here by 5, so let's try to not overschedule this afternoon.'
Loved the gold digger one especially after the post about Kanye the other day. The Charity one I first read as "Cavity Smalls". On the "Youth Forgot" one, I think they were going for changing the color every other letter but they got messed up on "Forgot" so I thought maybe there was a hidden message there. I got either "o toro" or "rotoo". And I saw "Happy Birthday Tink" at first, but probably because my boyfriend calls me Tink. I better never get a cake like that!
LOL, Chucknuts!
So glad I found your blog. You make me laugh out loud every stinking time! Bless you!
My first thought upon seeing the "Fink" cake was, "Oh geez, I hope that cake wasn't meant for my friend Tink." *
Then I started thinking about all those Rat Fink figures I had when I was a kid (showing my age here).
And Chucknuts has officially been added to my vocabulary of insults, although I better not use it around Pastor Chuck.
*I don't know why my friend had Tink as a nickname anyway. I guess it was better than Tater.
Re wheelchair AND cane: the cane is so he can whack annoying youngsters.
Re the name "Fink": I believe it's German for "finch" so that's probably the origin for many people. I like the idea of being named after a cute little bird.
If only they'd put a hamster on the Charity cake, then we wouldn't have to wonder. Maybe it's elderberry flavored cake.
wv today is "sweates," which is something I fear we'll see on a Wreck sooner or later.
Okay so I actually liked "hey joe..... your old".
It's my kind of humor, and I think the lack of punctuation adds something.
I LOVE that last cake.
I had trouble deciding if cake #2 was actually written in English. There are an awful lot of extra curls and lines that made me think the wreckerator was using a different alphabet.
Want to brighten someone's day? Introduce them to the word "Chucknuts".
Chucknuts made me giggle like a loon.
I know a guy who's name is, seriously, Harry Ballz. How would THAT look on a cake?!
It's really a shame that Charity Smells because the cake is quite lovely.
And Chucknuts made me ROFL.
Youth Forgot? Are you trying to remind someone of their misspent youth with a cake that looks like an LSD-trip rendered in frosting? If so, good show!
Hysterical.
I love the word "Chucknuts." I have NO IDEA what it means, but it made me laugh!