Insulting Inscriptions 101
June 2, 2009 Some handy tips when crafting the perfect cake zinger:
1) Don't misspell it.
There's nothing like borrowing song lyrics for a backhanded compliment, but misspell the thing (and omit all the necessary apostrophes) and you come across more crude than clever.
2) Be specific.
Ok, so Charity smells - but what does she smell like? Hmm? Could be roses, or cotton candy. (Mmm, cotton candy...) This is the time to release your inner muse: tell us what putrescent stench Charity is emitting, and really explore your literary space, ok?
3) Keep it simple.
While you're exploring that space, though, don't get so carried away that no one can tell what you're trying to say. Instead of an oddly phrased "Youth Forgot", why not go with something more straightforward? You know, like this:
See, the lack of exclamation marks or capital letters here really brings home juuust the right amount of indifference. Even the off-centered leaning seems to say, "Hey, I got you a cake, alright? Don't go pushing your geezer luck by expecting quality."
And lastly,
4) A little name-calling can go a long way.
Again, creativity is king here. Just watch your penmanship; that "Fink" could almost be mistaken for "Tink".
Thanks to this next one I think I've found my new favorite pet name for John:
Brilliant!
Reader Comments (87)
lol haha chucknuts lol
Youth forgotten...
That is hilarious!
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Really, the first one is appropriate considering the lyrics are from a Kanye West song. He doesn't know how to spell anyway.
Do I see a Chucknuts t-shirt in the works?!?!
I snort out loud on just about every post and then again (often multiple times) on the comments!
I have taken to writing down NOTES about the cakes so I can add to the discussion, cause, well, I'm a nerd like that.
Cake 1 says to me "We ain't sayin your a gold digger... but we are sayin you like plastic crap and random sprinkle patterns on your cake." And for the love of god... did a SNAIL frost that cake? How else do you get those weird patterns?
Cake 2 is punctuation away from a declarative sentence - Charity smells. It does state the obvious unless charity is in a room full of people who are noseless and therefore unable to follow through with the action of smelling themselves, nonetheless, a thought of its own. My problem is that though this is one of the few sprinkle-less cakes today it seems to have been attacked by... oreos? Half-eaten malomars? chocolate melty chips? dead rose petals?
Cake 3 is a supreme example of tacky cake decorating. Bad Air-brushing - check; off-centered message - check; random sprinkles - check; leftover ribbon - check; lettering that not only does not match but that has a flawed pattern - check; ambiguous meaning - check.
Cake 4 has the most random sprinkles EVAR. (sic) Even the tie-dye swirl-effect icing lines are random and seem to be attacking the right half of the cake... or maybe that was what was holding in the sprinkles and that's why there are so few in that opening but so many around "hey". As for the slant of the lettering, it follows the line of the frosting perfectly in its uphill direction...
Cake 5 is almost too plain to mock other than having off-centered putrid green gel wording!
Cake 6.... I LOVE Chucknuts! That's not only an excellent nickname, but an overall nicely done cake. The would-be wreckerator even realized that his/her handwriting would prevent a straight-line text and did a nice staggered zigzaggy line for the festive and space-saving effect! Well done there, Chucknuts!
Hilarious! What a great blog! Glad I found it.
`If Chucknuts doesn't deserve a t-ahirt, I don't know what does. As in, maybe, "Hey Chucknuts! Wreck THIS!!"
I would not only totally buy it, I would also totally wear it in front of my mom, who demands explanations of every random clothing phrase in her vicinity, and generally finishes the dialogue with "I don't get it." (I would then resist the temptation to refer to her as "Chucknuts", but only just barely.)
WV: conuffoo: The revelers concluded the wedding with an extensive conuffoo of the bride and groom, during which many fiddle-strings were broken and much cake was hurled.
I think the last one is actually kinda funny! Plus the penmanship is vastly superior to most of what we see here.
Megan @ adventuresofacarnivore.com
Jess said...
"I love how Chucknuts is so old he requires a cane AND a wheel chair. Priceless!"
******************
Just maybe it's not so much the age thing as the fact that he's only got one TINY front wheel (nothing on the other side, you see). So the cane *could* be to help him steer. Otherwise poor Chucknuts is just spinning around in circles.
*group gasp*
Which could make him dizzy and /or nauseous.
*group "awww"*
Chucknuts could upchuck.
I forgot that I sent you the chucknuts cake months ago! I'm glad you found an appropriate way to use it!
That last one is adorable...except that a) an old guy wouldn't be carrying cane while on a wheelchair and b) an old guy wouldn't be using a hot water bath thing (what do you call those things??) while on a wheelchair.
It seems appropriate that the lyrics to the Kanye West song are misspelled. As my high school English teacher used to preach, "Better readers make better writers." So, if you don't read...
I like the silly string edging on old joe's cake.
perhaps "charity smells" is a paraphrase of the J Geiles classic "Love Stinks."
BUt I doubt it.
I love Chucknuts!
The person who placed the order for the "Youth Forgot" cake was very angry /hurt /upset because his /her very special group of friends /relatives /bowling buddies were--YET AGAIN (it happens every year!)--negligent when it came to remembering and celebrating the person's Special Day (birthday /day-they-quit-drinking /loss-of-virginity day (or what-have-you). The nice cake was to make the bums feel guilty.
The person who placed the order speaks with a lisp, which is why it came out "Youth" instead of "Youse."
Did anyone notice that Chucknut's cake has lovely gray icing on it? How appetizing.
wv: crecky=how apppropriate!!!
I think im missing something. The song actually does say "we aint sayin ur a gold digger" It says it exactly lke that. And thats exactly what the cake says. I understand the missing apostrophe but gold digger is spelled that way. Guess im blind
I'm imagining Chucknuts there using his wheelchair like a canoe, pushing it along with that cane.
... I can't wait to use "chucknuts" as a pet name for someone.
Your mother was a hamster! Great one, Jen!
wv: vache (french for cow). ha!
Chucknuts. LMAO.
I think the last cake is nearly a Sunday Sweet, if only because it's that rare thing, a "gag" cake that looks both professional and edible. I bet it's his office or family nickname; I used to know a guy whose coworkers all called him Bucket Head.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA! LOVE the "Chunknuts"!
I'm shocked that you could even MAKE OUT the words on the second cake. I applaud you. *insert tennis clap*
wv: exampalf
Chucknuts would exampalf cakewrecks very nicely on a tshirt!
my hubs name is chuck - I think I shall be ordering a "Chucknuts" cake for him for fathers day.
The "you're old" cake is the exact same background cake as the "Happy Birthday BS" cake over in the penmanship post...
Chucknuts has to be from Rick and Steve "the happiest gay couple in the world" cartoon from LOGO. that has to be him!!!!
I would definitely by a chucknuts shirt -- funniest thing I've seen in a long time!
"Youth For GOD" instead of "Forgot"
That's my guess==I've been laughing so hard I think I strained a kidney! Thanks for the Wrecks!
I can picture the order given over the phone for a fun, festive cake for the church kids: "Make it colorful and write 'Youth for God' on it," and the naive sucker hung up the phone,thinking nothing could possibly go wrong with such a simple order...
Hello, Cake Wreck blog! I'm a long time fan of terrible decorating and now am a new fan of this fantastic blog. So, for better or for worse, it has pretty much been the highlight of my day to find this entry, because I am the one who is responsible for the "Charity smells" cake. I feel like I should answer a few questions.
1) Charity is a person, it's not charity in general that smells. She also doesn't really smell, I just feel like if I'm going to the trouble of having a stranger write on a cake for me I'd rather have them write "Charity smells" than "Happy Birthday."
2)Well, I mean, she does smell, she has a functional olfactory system. I'm not sure where this started, it's just something that our group of friends says and I like saying that someone smells instead of saying that they stink.
3) Those are oreo cookie pieces, which is a very delicious and appropriate decoration for a cookies and cream ice cream cake. Super tasty. I'd like to send a shout out to the West Seattle Baskin Robbins. West Side!
-Sarah
Hi, you must be new to the internet, or someone needs to brush up on their internet memes. the one "we accidentally your cake" sounds more like it was intentional... "I accidentally the whole thing" (where you can replace "thing" with "[noun]")
probablly a cake for 4chan newbs.
I used to be one of those cake decorators when I was 19 or so. Luckily, I've always been a great speller.
Anyway, I'll never forget the time I wrote "Happy Birthday Mitch" on a cake, and the lady said I spelled it wrong - it was supposed to be "Happy Birthday *****" Ah well, I tried.
I actually thought that "charity smells" was really "charity smalls." The "e" looks like an "a" (or at least I thought so.)
The question is... Was Charity's mother a hamster???
Chucknuts! Bwahhahaha!! I am so stealing this one. You gotta do a teeshirt of Chucknuts. That's almost as good as SNL's Schwety Balls.