Better Dieting Through Cake
June 16, 2009 NOTE: Now really isn't the time to start eating that bagel - or anything else, for that matter. :D
So, are you ready for swimsuit season? No? Then join the Cake Wrecks Appetite-Suppression Program, and get a thinner you in no time!
Yes, that's right! With a steady "visual diet" of Wrecks like these:
You'll find yourself craving all foods less and less!
For example: Are you having a hard time saying "no" to fatty animal shanks? (Because, really, who isn't?) Well, with our proven "You'll Hope They're Cloves!" model, you're guaranteed to never desire streaky blackened meat-on-the-bone ever again!
You're already reconsidering that lunch order, aren't you? Now imagine the results you'll get with a full 24/7 regimen!
It's so easy! The Cake Wrecks Appetite-Suppression Program contains a heart-healthy sculpted-cake medley of:
Disgusting food products...
(Red meat, green meat, meat that oozes, meat that's rare...)Enlarged insects...
(Post-stompage for maximum effectiveness)
(Just a little dab'll do ya!)All guaranteed to get you the results you want!
And for those dieting emergencies when you need an extra-strength dose of appetite suppressing Wreckage, there's our special "medical specimens" selection:
Filled with jelly, so you won't fill your belly!Melinda A., Tricia A., Kathleen, Jenn J., Kristin, & Debra F., eat your heart out.
Or don't, 'cuz that's kinda gross.
*Related Wreckage: The Cake Head Diet Aid
Reader Comments (144)
I'm a vegetarian and I don't even want to eat FAKE meat right now.
Blech.
WV: emand: em and who?
(I couldn't help myself.)
The assorted meats cake is excellently done, but good Lord, I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole!
And does it look like somebody slathered BBQ sauce on the heart cake?
Well, the heart cake is actually kind of cool. If I were a med student I'd probably be pretty happy to get it! But that fly...that's just gross.
Megan @ adventuresofacarnivore.com
*gag*
that's...
wow..
*shudder*
Did anyone else notice the bone on the ribeye steak is, um, wavy? That's what grossed me out. What kind of *real* steak has bones that aren't solid?
Even with the babies-popping-out-of and body parts cakes, this was the first one where I felt my face move involuntarily into a terrible position. I only imagine it was like some sort of cartoon character-esque face of disgust.
Thus: good stuff. Gnarly.
Oh, gross...
Okay, the heart cake is way too realistic. Props to the decorator, in a way...
The nastiest one, methinks, is the first one; what kind of rancid juices are coming off the carrots?! [shudder/gag]
Gad ...
I had a minor surgical procedure today and was already feeling a tad queasy. Now it's gone beyond queasy into ——
Excuse me ... Porcelain Patty is calling.
While salt has been a proven method to destroy cake eating slugs, one should not think its acceptable to still serve the cake after said slugs on top have been exterminated.
All right, so these cakes aren't your regular rectangular sheet cakes... So what's wrong with that? Aside from the first one, which looks rather old and past its prime, I see nothing wrong with decorators making cakes that suit the demands of the client! What better cake to give to a cardiologist (or... someone that really enjoys eating hearts ;-)) than a realistic replica of a blood-pumping muscle? I say GOOD JOB to all the decorators that think outside the rectangular-shaped sheet cake box! :-)
This is the first CW that made me not want cake...ever. Congratulations, keep up the good work.:)
koothra...the sound I made upon seeing the baby food vomit on the first cake.
....I was okay until the pile of meat. I don't know why, but...my god. It's a pile of meat. ...whyyyyyyyyyyy?!
Call me crazy but that first one looks like raw salmon pieces on that cake. Sashimi anyone?
Aw, I submitted the meat cake back in March but my name isn't at the bottom! The funniest part is that it was made by a vegetarian.
You know it was not "too" bad until that last one....... and jelly filled even, blech....
Amy
i desperately need to know the backstory behind the half-deconstructed, if you will, frosted insect. desperately.
The unit that my mom works in would love the cake heart. I would eat it also. lol.
Don't you mean "A little dab'll DOO ya"?
hahaha!
Who wants cake that looks like MEAT?!?! Gross...
You're right, I never want to eat poo again!
Oh... my... God. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Any lingering feelings I had about converting fully to vegetarianism have definitely gone. The lamb-shank-looking wreck is the worst, it looks like it has parasites burrowing out from under the skin.
WV: brance. As in, I had to brance myself after I saw some of these wrecks.
Gee, I think this diet will be the one for me. I have definitely lost my appetite.
Love the commentary! Keep on wreckin' on!
Ok I have a question- is there some way these cakes are verified to know if they really are cakes made by "professionals" and meant to be sold? The heart cake and insect cake look like some poor inexperienced shmuck made them for someone they know. Not that they are any less horrible, but people who don't work for bakeries make ugly cakes all the time. The irony that some of these cakes are so horrible and yet are supposed to have been made by professionals is what makes them funny.
And I just read this post right before lunch. Ugh. Honestly, not so hungry anymore.
Dry heaving.
Bugh. Yep, I was thinking of grabbing a cupcake from my son's birthday party to snack on ..... not so much anymore...
I do have to admit that is the best Ccc I've ever seen even if it is poopy!
I must say, these would be great groom's cakes!
EWWWWWW.....I can feel my stomach curdling....
Finally, a post that doesn't make me crave cupcakes (though the CCC's do their level best) and other baked goods! I'll just look at those slabs of lox/severed tongues every time I feel the need to visit that bakery down the street with organic... local... apple... turnovers.... *checks post again* *dry heaves* I'm good!
i like this one..course i am in nursing...so i am bias lol
Actually, I remember that cake with all the steaks being posted on a vegetarian community I'm on, and it was actually made by a vegetarian who worked in some bakery and had that as an order! Go figure!!! :-D
Oh, look at that! Wow. Those are flies, right? Gosh.scossc
Also, I posted the verification word at the end of my comment on purpose, for effect.
That last one made me gag. "meat" cakes are the worst. Oh wait, "foot" cakes too.
That is revolting!
I have a terrible headache now, but that hankering for a snack is gone! Dinner plans are out the window, too. I may bookmark that entry so I can see it daily. Yuck...
I want a heart cake so bad!!
Oh.dear.Lord.
This post made me almost pee my pants...and gag at the same time.
SERIOUSLY??
Ewwwwwwwwwww...
I think I'm doubly sickened since I've been veg 11 years, vegan 6.
REAL meat is bad enough.
*vom*
I would totally buy the Heart, and I've eaten a bug one before. It was delicious.
Okay, normally, I am a big fan of meat. Hamburgers, hot dogs- when my family barbeques, I pig out. Also, nothing really grosses me out. Bloody knee? Whatever (although I'm not that big a fan of pain). Frog dissection? Okay, sure whatever. Open-heart surgery on TV? Cool, I'll watch it. My point is, it takes a lot to gross me out. Now I'm not sure, but these cakes have come the closest ever to gross me out. I was hungry and thinking of a cheeseburger twenty seconds ago. Now I've lowered my standards to a salad. And it's getting lower.
Jen, instead of a cake wrecks book, you should have made it a diet cake. You would have made a lot more money, especially if you sold it in Hollywood. Plenty of stars would be talking about it. And models. (Now for those of you accusing me of hating on models and stars, I don't mean to insult. I'm just saying: a few of those people destroy's all the others' images. Thank you.)
-Madison
ohhh! ewww....
gross