This'll Cure that Freaky Fetish
February 9, 2009 Well, not THAT one - what do you take me for, a miracle-worker? Sheesh.
No, I mean the one with the footsies. And don't try to deny it, 'cuz I know you're out there: loitering around the pedicure station, being overly helpful at the Payless, getting WAY too excited about peep-toe pumps coming back into style - yeah, you know who you are. Well, my foot-fondling friends, it's time for a little sole searching.
And for the rest of you: put down that coffee and prepare to skip breakfast (or possibly revisit it, depending on your constitution).
This is a groom's cake, which begs the question: is the groom really that enamored with his own toe hair? And I know there's no good way to show severed appendages, but those ankle stumps are freaking me out juuust a little.
Side note: The words "cake" and "ankle stumps" should never, EVER, be used to describe the same thing.
Hahahahahaha! See, it's like a dead person's feet! With a toe tag! To remind you of your own mortality! Isn't that hysterical? Hahhahahaha!
Right. Two things:
1) What's up with the blue drapey bits?
2) Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle.
There is only one word to describe this next one:
AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!Then there's the delectable world of toe fungus, which I think you'll all agree is not only a great ice-breaker at parties ("Hey, wanna see something cool?"), but also really hits the spot come dessert time.
That Dr. Pachman, he's such a fun guy, don't you think? Eh? Fungi? Eh? Booyah!I'm not sure why he would order a "cake" made from upholstery foam, though: that somehow detracts from the otherwise yummy-looking toenails.
Side note: Dr. Pachman is quite possibly the coolest doctor name ever. Right up there with Dr. Spacemen.
Ok, guys, this is it: time for the most disgusting, fungus-riddled foot cake mine eyes have seen. Proceed with extreme caution and strong intestinal fortitude.
Urp.
What's more horrifying: the green bugs crawling under the toenails...[pausing to swallow repeatedly]...or the fact that this is for a girl? Poor Teresa: I don't think the pretty pink icing nearly makes up for that yellowish... gelatinous...layer....
[sound of running feet]
UPDATE: Whew! Sorry, folks: my constitution just gave out, if you catch my drift. On the plus side, I just may lose those 5 pounds this week!
Hey, Sara S., Julie R., Christina B., and Jessica M., it's time to cut loose. Foot loose.
Reader Comments (187)
I think the green toe fungus bugs are very cute. But I wouldn't wanna eat them -- or anything else that crawled out of a toenail.
@Ros
Both Rooney and Beckham have broken their metatarsals. It's pretty common in footballers. Beckham did his before Euro 2004 (or was it World Cup 2002?), while Wayne did it a bit more recently.
that's one way to get me to stop snacking during my screen time.
Love the 30 Rock shout out--Love Rick's Bakery if that is the one in Fayetteville, AR. Keep up the fun(gal) blogging!
oh my god. I'm so grossed out. Not many things gross me out, but really, who wants foot cake?? The sad part to me is that the one with the wonky toe actually looks like the baker knew quite a bit about anatomy and can sculpt a nice cake...poor guy.
There's a chiropractor near me whose name is Dr. Cadava.
these are the most disturbing cakes that I have seen...
Oh, c'mon: the meta-toe-sal was well-made and funny, probably celebrating a co-worker's defeating an injury. (I liked it a lot more than the overwrought tutu cake, which no doubt says something about my sense of humour.)
The others were, I grant you, rather creepy when not downright disgusting.
Dear Anon 12:06/Deanne,
Allow me to first apologize for deleting your comment from the page. I believe our Wrecksistant let it through and, had I been moderating comments at the time, I probably wouldn't have published it in the first place. Allow me to explain why in this rather lengthy and far-too-serious-for-Cake Wrecks reply.
First let me say that every day, we get people telling Jen how to write the blog. It's either that a cake is too good to be called a wreck or not good enough for a Sunday sweet. Jen has even gone so far as to write a detailed description of what constitutes a "Wreck" in her opinion which, last time I checked, was the only one that matters on her blog. So when I saw your comment, yet another directive on what Jen should do, I was tempted, sorely tempted to delete it. But that wasn't all.
Next, you accused her of sexism because of a comment about girls not liking disgusting things. Really? Jen already walks on eggshells while writing posts because of those readers who, for some reason, come to Cake Wrecks not to laugh, but to be horribly offended. Many times, she will read and re-read a post to make sure that the vast majority of people will not take offense at anything she has written. And the reality is, her comments are never even half as biting as many of the comments are. And you cried sexism over that comment? IT WAS A JOKE. It hurt no one.
And last but not least, yeah, critical or negative comments from "Anonymous" are my pet peeve. Put your name down and, most of the time, it gets published.
So I deleted your comment because I was irritated that yet another comment from the self-appointed Overlords of Cake Wrecks had been published.
Let me say this in closing: Jen loves all of her readers and gets a kick out of feedback like you can't imagine. But it is her blog. And you have a choice in this wonderful world of ours not to read Cake Wrecks if it no longer appeals to you. I will leave your comment up because you were so adamant that you submitted it twice. Thanks.
John
I think this is a funny post, I think these foot cakes themselves are funny, as they were mean to be. However, it's HYSTERICAL that so many of these comments are so kneejerk reactive of the subject matter, that many seem completely oblivious to the fact humor was the intention all along.
My two cents? A lot of you commenters who are braying "Eww! Ewww! EWWW!" the loudest are closet foot fetishists.
That was a joke.
Or WAS it?
With #3, "Rick's Meta-toe-sal", you have finally posted a cake I literally cannot look at. I wince and flinch and close my eyes and turn away, I can't help it. The others don't bother me, but that one I physically can't look at.
So this is really, really weird and surreal, but the day that you happened to elect to do a severed-foot-cake post happened to be the day that my friend, after years and years of difficult surgeries and *constant pain* finally had her right foot amputated.
No, really. And? She's a huge fan of cake-wrecks.
So the day comes after years, months, weeks, and a long night of worrying, and stealing herself up to be wheeled into the hospital, she reads a favorite morning blog... only to discover severed feet.
O.M.G.
And, just because by now you're probably beginning to worry: this made her and her hubby and all of her friends CRACK UP laughing.
just wanted to share with you, because, seriously? WTF?!?!
-miss_chance
i am laughing so hard i am crying!!! thank you thank you sooo much!
Ew ew ew! Oh My God! That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen.
Creative, yes. Freaky? Definitely.
However, I'm reminded of an episode of Ace of Cakes where Duff's crew did a very detailed ear as a gift from a patient to his surgeon after a procedure that gave the patient his hearing back. *g* (Though to be honest the decorator was a bit creeped out, IIRC...)
WV: likker. A type of foot fetishist that will be cured after this post! XD
Honestly people, they're just cakes! I think they're funny. I like the "hork a tic tac" and the edible Mucinex comments. I had tears in my eyes! BTW, I'm new to this site. What do wv and ccc mean?
earthmomma29
Oh disgusting, just plain disgusting.
Why would someone want to eat a foot anyway? Please don't try and answer that question.
about fun doctor names, there is an emergency room doctor where i live who is named..................da da da da!
.....Dr. Snowman
The photos were funny, the subject was funny, the comments were funny (mostly, BUT I nearly fell on the floor on the floor laughing when I saw the google ads that run along side. OMG, to run "cure foot fungus" ads with these photos is the biggest kick of all. FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY!!
Mellodee
Doctor Pachman:
There's a podiatrist in my neighborhood named Dr. Tin Quach. I believe the second name is pronounced "quack." His partner is Dr. Rob Brace. No kidding.
The caption on the picture of Dr. Pachman's cake (U-127 3-D Foot with Fungi Toenail) makes me think it's out of a bakery's catlog, so I have to ask: Exactly how many orders do they get for spongy-looking feet with diseased toenails?
lol I'm a podiatrist, and all I want to know is--where can I get one of these cakes??? They're priceless. I want one for my clinic next time we have a party!!
"Hahahahahaha! See, it's like a dead person's feet! With a toe tag! To remind you of your own mortality! Isn't that hysterical? Hahhahahaha!
Right. Two things:
1) What's up with the blue drapey bits?
2) Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle."
I think I understand the morbidity of the angles...you see, there is no body. This is a cake lovingly prepared for a serial killer or B-movie producer...
WV hallagiz...(revisiting morbidity) brand of medication for the puss-ed, creature-ridden affliction as seen on Teresa's foot.
These are GROSS! who are these people? and in response to great doctor names, my husband went to a urologist name Dr. Seaman. NOT KIDDING. (I hope I spelled it right. I think that's how he spelled it!) But oh, how appropriately named considering he helps men with their (you know how to spell it the OTHER way....;) )
Jo
p.s. Jen, I've been feverishly trying to catch up on this site since I found it this week. It's a scream! Therapeutic comic relief. Thanks for your sarcastic genius!
*sigh*, Sadly, I work in a hospital and NOTHING can kill my appetite anymore. Not even these cakes.....
I laughed so hard I thought I'd pee my pants!
Wow, that last one is from the bakery in my hometown! They are incredible.
I think this wreck is more a reflection on the requester than the baker. Asking for a french-pedicured foot cake is a little strange, like that above all other things would epitomize Teresa to her friends and family or something, which is a sad commentary on her if so. But asking for the green bugs too??? What in the world? Does this person actually hate Teresa?
All I can think of when I see the toe-tag cake with the shredded blue "cloth" is something my 3rd grade teacher told us after the Challenger disaster: that the search teams had not found any bodies yet...only a single foot. a classmate asked, "but how did they know it was an astronaut's foot?" The teacher replied that the foot was still wearing part of a baby-blue NASA issue pant leg.
please let me be wrong on this...just, please...
Grosssssssssssssssssssssss
Urp is not enough for the last one.
GACK!
EEEEEEEK!
and
AHHHHHH!
In big bold caps just about gets the
feeling across.
at least the last foot cake had a nice French pedicure :-/
i think the blue drapey bits are from the blankets they use in the morgue to cover up the bodies. now, are we all in the party mood?
I have just stumbled onto your brilliant disgusting and sometimes nauseating blog. Where do you find this stuff???? Definitely adding to my fav blogs list!
Oh. My. God. *fanning my face*
That last cake has got to be the most stomach-churning one I've seen yet! Somehow, I'm not in the mood for desert right now...
Toe tag and blue drapes? My guess would be for a mortician, medical examiner, or morgue employee... still amazingly creepy though!
Okay...I am the baker who did cake #2,that was obviously downloaded from my copyrighted website without my permission.
Needless to say I was not happy to see my cake on this site. Matter of fact, I take pride in the work that I do, so I (honest to God) CRIED when I saw a cake that I tried to execute tastefully while still meeting my client's request. (A big thank you to all of you who complimented me on execution).
Here's the back story. I really didn't want to do this cake. I priced it so far out of the ballpark that "no one" would pay that much for feet cakes...no one...except my client! That's how badly she wanted it!
The request was for two dead feet, man's size 11 on a silver slab with a toe tag (for her husband's name and year of birth to serve as the tracking number). So, they are not "LIKE" dead feet, they "ARE" dead feet!!! Her husband was turning 50 and this cake was just the tip of the iceberg! There was a hearse, a New Orleans funeral themed parade, all guests wore black...I could go on!
I know this will come as a dissappointment to many, but there is no significance to the placement of the feet. Based on their size, it was the only way to get them to fit on the cake board (sorry- no dead ballerinas)and to keep them structurally sound. The blue bits are indeed meant to be the blue blankets they cover corpses with. (I put them there so I wouldn't have to deal with the tops of the ankles, toe nails, or hair). I figured since you could only see parts of the body it seemed logical to only see the ends of the sheet...thus, the "blue bits".
The birthday boy is not a podiatrist, a guy with a foot fetish (that I'm aware of ) or in any other way associated with feet. The customer just thought this was an original idea and funnier than hell. What can I say? I don't always come up with the ideas, I just sell them....and for a TON OF MONEY. I apologize to any of you out there who were offended...YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO SEE IT IN THIS KIND OF A PUBLIC FORUM.
I would very much like to know from the administrators of this site WHO submitted my image and if you ever research their origins prior to posting.
Michelle
To the baker who made the corpse feet...they are done so well...and you are right, the "wreck" part is that the person wanted it, not that you made it!!
On doctor names, my favorite dentist ever was a Doctor Fangman...I was so sad when she moved away.
My husband's vasectomy was done by a Doctor Leatherman...thank goodness he did NOT use the tool bearing his name to do the procedure!
~Mari
" Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle."
soooo funny!!!!!!