This'll Cure that Freaky Fetish
February 9, 2009 Well, not THAT one - what do you take me for, a miracle-worker? Sheesh.
No, I mean the one with the footsies. And don't try to deny it, 'cuz I know you're out there: loitering around the pedicure station, being overly helpful at the Payless, getting WAY too excited about peep-toe pumps coming back into style - yeah, you know who you are. Well, my foot-fondling friends, it's time for a little sole searching.
And for the rest of you: put down that coffee and prepare to skip breakfast (or possibly revisit it, depending on your constitution).
This is a groom's cake, which begs the question: is the groom really that enamored with his own toe hair? And I know there's no good way to show severed appendages, but those ankle stumps are freaking me out juuust a little.
Side note: The words "cake" and "ankle stumps" should never, EVER, be used to describe the same thing.
Hahahahahaha! See, it's like a dead person's feet! With a toe tag! To remind you of your own mortality! Isn't that hysterical? Hahhahahaha!
Right. Two things:
1) What's up with the blue drapey bits?
2) Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle.
There is only one word to describe this next one:
AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!Then there's the delectable world of toe fungus, which I think you'll all agree is not only a great ice-breaker at parties ("Hey, wanna see something cool?"), but also really hits the spot come dessert time.
That Dr. Pachman, he's such a fun guy, don't you think? Eh? Fungi? Eh? Booyah!I'm not sure why he would order a "cake" made from upholstery foam, though: that somehow detracts from the otherwise yummy-looking toenails.
Side note: Dr. Pachman is quite possibly the coolest doctor name ever. Right up there with Dr. Spacemen.
Ok, guys, this is it: time for the most disgusting, fungus-riddled foot cake mine eyes have seen. Proceed with extreme caution and strong intestinal fortitude.
Urp.
What's more horrifying: the green bugs crawling under the toenails...[pausing to swallow repeatedly]...or the fact that this is for a girl? Poor Teresa: I don't think the pretty pink icing nearly makes up for that yellowish... gelatinous...layer....
[sound of running feet]
UPDATE: Whew! Sorry, folks: my constitution just gave out, if you catch my drift. On the plus side, I just may lose those 5 pounds this week!
Hey, Sara S., Julie R., Christina B., and Jessica M., it's time to cut loose. Foot loose.
Reader Comments (187)
I bet the one with the blue thing is a baby cake and that's a blue baby blanket with darling little baby feet. Except they're not darling and they're not little, of course.
Wow, good thing I looked at this new post before eating breakfast. On the plus side, I now have no appetite at all! :)
I wasn't really all that grossed out until I saw Wayne's toe. That's just weird. I guess he broke his toe? Just...weird.
It makes you wonder about the cakes for dermatologists -- Dr Pitts, Dr Skinner, Dr Whitehead, Dr Spot, Dr Rash, Dr Cheek, Dr Frye (burn specialist), Dr Tanner at
http://www.u.arizona.edu/~stoddard/doctor.htm
"Side note: Dr. Pachman is quite possibly the coolest doctor name ever. Right up there with Dr. Spacemen."
My husband had a professor in college named Dr. Doom. I kid you not.
When's the metatarsal one from? Only I think it might be a reference to an incident a couple of years ago involving a footballer called http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayne_Rooney" REL="nofollow">Wayne Rooney - at the time, star striker for England. He broke the fourth toe in his right foot just before the 2006 World Cup, but went on to recover just in time.
Of course, then he didn't score a single goal and ended up being disqualified for stamping on a Portuguese player, so it wasn't quite so inspirational...
You've shown many, many, many nauseatingly horrible cakes on this blog, most of them really funny, but this is the first time I've felt the urge to rinse my eyes, gargle mouthwash and take a long shower, and call my mom to ask how she's doing, in that order. Oh, the fungus.
Keep 'em coming! Hold the feet...
I hope this will prompt serious discussion of a checklist for cake purchasers. I mean, a cake is not the place for memento mori. It's just not. The toe tag cake, no matter how well received at Jerry's birthday party down at the morgue, should never have been attempted in the first place. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but #7 on the checklist specifically forbids portrayal of a cadaver in fondant. How 'bout a buttercream puppy?"
WV Unerapsy: The removal of feet from a corpse during a postmortem examination.
Dexter cakes
OMG...I just can't take it! First, I just hate feet! Second, why on earth would anyone want a foot cake??? The "dead feet" horrible and the bugs...so gross. I am baffled...I need a drink now!
At first I was all ha ha intestinal fortitude. But as I got further down the page a disgusted sneer grew on my face and I really don't want my breakfast rite now.
Okay, the cake for Dr. Pachman (cool name BTW) is understandable. The good Dr and his cohorts have to have strong stomachs anyway. But can black mold really grow between your toes?
"The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out.."
The foot fungi with the bugs is just too real looking. I would NOT eat one bite of that cake. Gag me. (Ewww..I mean, like, how 80s is that?)
~Amy B.
why feet!?
*cringe*
Eeeewww!! I'm not a fan of seeing feet, but eating them?! Blech!
Now all I hear in my head is Ross's line from Friends, "It tastes like FEET!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr0LmCTSdI0
Oh my. People are weird. And... gross!
It's almost unbelievable.
Ick!
What were they thinking???This takes EEWWWWto a new level.
The comentary...as always, hysterical.
WV:(really) hurten...as in, the cakes be really hurten.
There's a commercial for foot fungus medicine that shows animated little green bugs that crawl under the toenail and take up living with their friends. That must be what that final cake is about!
On a side note, I used to have a dermatologist named Dr Whitehead.
Sometimes I wonder how people can cut into and eat their elaborately made, beautiful, expensive cakes. I guess this is the solution to keeping people from destroying the "art". I can't imagine too many people wanting to chomp their way into these...
cookeatreadsleep.blogspot.com
Barf.
Literally. Barf.
Oh. My. Words just cannot express . . .
I wonder why someone would call their metatarsal a metaTOEsal....I guess it's some sort of inside joke.
These cakes REALLY got me! I had to put my coffee down and Thank God I had already finished lunch!
These cakes will haunt me for many years to come. EEEWWWWWW!
Those green guys on the last cake look like Digger the Dermatophyte from the Lamisil commercials.
Barf.
Normally I don't get nauseous when you post gross cakes - but these really were disturbing. The last one with the green fellas under the nails -- I can't imagine what they were thinking. yuck yuck yuck
However, I looked at these half a dozen times, so I guess I was entertained LOL
as always I love this blog.
Anon from 12:06:
I think you are taking Cake Wrecks entirely too seriously.
I also believe we are all aware that they are cakes and made with sugar and butter and so on. That doesn't mean we can't be revolted, amused, puzzled or delighted by the subject matter.
And the sexism comment was just way over the top. Some people read way too much into a comment on a humor blog!
I think the cakes for doctors are quite nice. As Emily wrote they are well executed at all. Then again I grew up around doctors and worked as a gofer for the pathology department of a county hospital one summer.
Leslie is correct about the feet in the second cake being that of a dead ballerina, or gymnast, or generally bendy person. Any such person could easily be in such a position at their time of death and be stuck like that during rigor mortis if they were brought in if still stiff. If that was the pathologist's / medical examiner's favorite 'patient,' especially in the war stories doctors tell each other at parties, it would make sense for the staff to get a cake like that.
As for removing someone's feet during an exam, I dealt with a cadaver where that was done. It is far too gross to discuss here and couldn't be reproduced as a cake in any event.
Dr. Spaceman!!!
I should have known you were a 30 Rock fan.
that makes me like you even more...if thats possible.
Thank you..Cheerios are not fun the 2nd time around..haha
I hate feet. I can't imagine thinking about a cake shaped like a foot especially with some of those other things. I don' think I'll be finishing my lunch today. Thanks.
YYYUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK!!!
That will keep me from eating cake ever again. I agree with you. EEW! ICK! who would wanna eat something like that, let alone make it? What was running through those Wreckarator's minds at the time? I ask you, where is their sanity, bottled up in a jar somewhere?
Thanks, I got the ranting out!
Oh, wow. Just wow. I never, ever thought I would actually be *wishing* for a CCC ... but I am ...
The world has ended as we now know it.
The last one reminds me of those really gross Lamisil commercials. You know the one, where the gross bacteria thing lifts up the person's toenail (made me cringe every time): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI9J7MoBZbY
O... M.... G....
So nasty!
That is definately disgusting! But I do have to agree. Those little blue blankets are probably that sheet thing they cover corpses with.
Dr. Pachman? Not as cool as Dr. Space-Invaders or Dr. Q*bert.
:-)
Oh God, these seriously made me gag. How can you LOOK at those, let alone EAT them? eewww!
I figured the blue-blanket cake with the toe tag was for pathology students, or maybe a party for a coroner.
Actually, the coolest doctor name ever was my psychiatrist. Dr. Hu. Pronounced Who. I used to see Dr. Who for my brain.
When I saw the first foot, I knew it would be gross. I did NOT expect my stomach to do flip flops (hardy har har) with that awful bug one.
Come on people!!!! Common sense dictates that cake plus feet equals disgusting.
A foot cake with a French pedicure? How classy!! These, er, creations are almost enough to make me swear off cake forever. Well, almost......
I am not easily disgusted, so you deserve some kind of medal for reducing me to holding my stomach and alternately laughing and repeating "oh my god" over and over and over...
Seriously. OMG.
I have just one question...WHY? What on earth would convince someone to order and present cakes like these?!! I have a wacky group of friends and family, all with a fairly odd sense of humor, but I don't know that they would find these particularly funny (or edible).
Those was absolutely some disgusting cakes. But you really made looking at them enjoyable.... it one could find looking at feet enjoyable.
I want to thank you Jen. I have been wanting to start a diet and now I don't think I can ever eat cake again.
OK, now I'm not so concerned with all the junk I had for lunch. I do believe it all completed it's return visit. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
You know, you'd think a cake blog would be safe to visit while I'm eating.
Those have to be the worst wrecks ever. Who would want *feet* cakes?! On the plus side, it's a great thing to wake up to when you're starting a diet. X_x
Oh my god. That is completely and totally disgusting, I don't think I'm going to eat lunch now...
Nah, Schrodinger's Duck. It was David Beckham who broke his fourth metatarsal, not Wayne Rooney.
This set is my worst nightmare. lol
You might as well just end your blog today, you will never find a worse cake than those fungus ones. What the heck?