This'll Cure that Freaky Fetish
February 9, 2009 Well, not THAT one - what do you take me for, a miracle-worker? Sheesh.
No, I mean the one with the footsies. And don't try to deny it, 'cuz I know you're out there: loitering around the pedicure station, being overly helpful at the Payless, getting WAY too excited about peep-toe pumps coming back into style - yeah, you know who you are. Well, my foot-fondling friends, it's time for a little sole searching.
And for the rest of you: put down that coffee and prepare to skip breakfast (or possibly revisit it, depending on your constitution).
This is a groom's cake, which begs the question: is the groom really that enamored with his own toe hair? And I know there's no good way to show severed appendages, but those ankle stumps are freaking me out juuust a little.
Side note: The words "cake" and "ankle stumps" should never, EVER, be used to describe the same thing.
Hahahahahaha! See, it's like a dead person's feet! With a toe tag! To remind you of your own mortality! Isn't that hysterical? Hahhahahaha!
Right. Two things:
1) What's up with the blue drapey bits?
2) Just for fun, try to imagine the position you'd have to be in to get your feet at that angle.
There is only one word to describe this next one:
AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!!!Then there's the delectable world of toe fungus, which I think you'll all agree is not only a great ice-breaker at parties ("Hey, wanna see something cool?"), but also really hits the spot come dessert time.
That Dr. Pachman, he's such a fun guy, don't you think? Eh? Fungi? Eh? Booyah!I'm not sure why he would order a "cake" made from upholstery foam, though: that somehow detracts from the otherwise yummy-looking toenails.
Side note: Dr. Pachman is quite possibly the coolest doctor name ever. Right up there with Dr. Spacemen.
Ok, guys, this is it: time for the most disgusting, fungus-riddled foot cake mine eyes have seen. Proceed with extreme caution and strong intestinal fortitude.
Urp.
What's more horrifying: the green bugs crawling under the toenails...[pausing to swallow repeatedly]...or the fact that this is for a girl? Poor Teresa: I don't think the pretty pink icing nearly makes up for that yellowish... gelatinous...layer....
[sound of running feet]
UPDATE: Whew! Sorry, folks: my constitution just gave out, if you catch my drift. On the plus side, I just may lose those 5 pounds this week!
Hey, Sara S., Julie R., Christina B., and Jessica M., it's time to cut loose. Foot loose.
Reader Comments (187)
Never thought I'd say this, but these cakes almost make the internal organ cakes look slightly appetizing in comparison.
(Almost).
Gak!
.... I was hungry for lunch. Now I think I'll wait. EWWWWWWWWW!!!!
UCK! Bugs crawling out from under toenails, cake has never made me physically ill until today.
Those are DiSgUsTiN!!!
But more than anything, I'm excited that I finally just 3 minutes ago figured out what the WV thing is that so many people type in their comments!!! Woohoo!
This is great!! I don't think I will be craving cake fora good long while now! Thank you for helping me stick to my diet!
Gross! But I love your blog~
HURL
I thought the blue bits on the one cake were pieces of the hospital robe thingy
You need to have one heck of a sense of humor to be able to smile and then EAT those cakes, especially the one with BUGS crawling around. Makes me glad that I ate lunch hours before reading this.
there is a doctor here in London, Ontario named
Dr. Death. pronounced 'Deeth'.
Those are bad, though I think the meta-toe-sal one is kinda cool as a sculpture. The last one with the green infection bugs was nasty, but doesn't beat some of those older foot cakes like the binded, sickly looking one from awhile ago...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Oh my gosh who in their right mind would eat this crap?
The nails on the first one are HUGE!!
Jen, I love your blog and it's the first thing I check when I come home from work (ok, it's maybe the third thing but close enough). I agree with everyone here that feet should not be cake, but after reading the intro to this entry, I did just want to say that not everyone with a foot fetish is some creepy weirdo who hangs around shoe stores and collects shoe catalogues under his bed. Some are very normal... I should know, I'm going to be married to one!
I shall continue to faithfully read this blog, I love the wedding cake wrecks!
Who even thinks up this stuff? If I didn't see them for myself, I'd think you were making it up...foot cakes with fungus toes...seriously. Sick.
Okay, you guys are all aware that these cakes were meant to be a joke, and hideous on purpose, right? RIGHT?
Your site should be train wrecks because I can't look away no matter how gross. This one takes the 'cake'!
YUCK!!!
Oh man, feet are the WORST body part to make out of food. Seriously. I hate feet, what would possess you to eat some feet-cake!?
The freaky bent-toe one was the worst because the foot looks so real!
Yucky.
30 Rock reference AND cakes of feet? This remains my favorite blog.
The only thing tat is more disturbing than a severed limb....is a diseased severed limb.
Diseased toenails? Fine.
Dead people? Fine.
Little green monsters? Fine.
But someone made a cake of (presumably) Wayne Rooney's feet?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!
I love when people named "Death" claim their name should be pronounced "Deeth" or that it was once "D'Eath" or "De Ath". It's pseudo-genteel nonsense meant to cover up something that doesn't need covering up.
The surname "Death", pronounced just like the word, comes from the medieval pageant plays where the same actors played the same roles every year and often assumed their role name as a surname. Maiden, Death, Bishop, Pope, Queen, King, Virgin, etc. are all medieval pageant names.
Talk about "baring your soles". Ewww.
So very freaky.
I would totally not eat any of those cakes! I hate feet, I hate touching them, I won't even touch my own. Blech!!
Well, these are just hideous. But I am wondering...are the little green bugs perhaps from that Lamisil commercial (that I personally hate and run from the room whenever it is on)??? www.lamisil.com
I would never doubt that Jen could come up with a severed foot cake, but five distinct severed foot cakes, each worse than the last? I kept scrolling down in astonishment. That really takes the cake. Take it, please. I sure don't want any.
Emily, exactly: a poorly rendered diseased foot cake would be indistinguishable from a poorly rendered turtle cake or a poorly rendered Batman cake, so you would never know.
This is one batch of cakes where no one will dispute Jen's judgement with respect to wreckiness.
A friend of mine has a dentist named Dr. Fang!
The Wayne one is of course referring to Wayne Rooney, the footballer, our only hope for the 2006 world cup.
I think that one is not too bad, at least it looks clean. Ditto for the death one.
My face went into perma-ick-frown reading this. WHY would someone want a foot cake? I just...I can't even imagine...just ew.
The "imagine what position your legs would have to be in..." comment made me hork a tic-tac onto my keyboard.
GOOD stuff. =)
I'd comment... but I can't stop laughing.
the infection bugs remind me of a commercial from a while ago.
But all of these don't make me want cake today. Which is rare.
WV: quitype.... which is what I will be doing now to prepare for bed!
are those little "bug" things bugs or frogs cuz they look like frogsD:
omg that IS toe hair! I thought it was henna (mehndi) at first...
All I have to say is "WHY?"
I can't even stand to watch a Lamasil commercial; now there's an edible version? Make sure you post if anyone ever sends in an edible Mucinex ad.
gross!! lol..that's a weird cake!
I found your blog through amber on flickr! aimistrue
Great blog!
I actually find nice feet sexy, but I don't want them anywhere near cake!
Feywriter said... What is wrong with these cake-makers??
Forget the cake makers, what's wrong with the people who requested these cakes in the first place?!
stomach churning moments abound with this blog. Gotta love it!
Yuck, yuck, yuck! Jen, I just know you're saving up the Zit cakes...what else could be more disgusting than these?
O VILE. O VILE. O VILE.
buttcrack and breasts are missing. I prescribe cheezburgerz.
Anon 12:06 speaking:
Really? You deleted my comment because I disagreed with this post and didn't sign my name? If I had been singing it's praises my comment would have stayed? My comment had no profanity, mean spirited remarks, or ads. I see no rule stating a name is required. Honestly, I just forgot to put my name. I am more than happy to put claim to my opinions.
In short, I said that I do not think it is fair to make fun of the people who order or make cakes of "questionable" subject matter. The same things were said about the Redneck Wedding cakes. Just because it isn't your style doesn't mean you should belittle it. Many of these cakes are executed rather well and I am sure taste just as good as if they were in the shape of hearts and flowers.
I loved this blog and thought Jenn's commentary was hilarious. However, I believe she should stick to criticizing the construction of the cakes and not the subject matter. Most of these "gross" or "weird" cakes have personal meaning that we do not understand. These feet cakes are no different than the "Daddy Darth" cake on Sunday Sweets (which happened to be constructed poorly compared to a few of these "gross" feet). Different taste for different people is all.
I also called out the sexism with #5. Just because she is a woman, doesn't mean she doesn't like "gross" things. Having two X chromosomes doesn't mean someone can't handle "unpleasant" things.
Sincerely,
Deanne
ew
2 words: Dis Turbing. And I believe that the little blue bits on the dead feet are "shroud shreds." Say that five times fast!
What the HELL would possess someone to make cakes in the shape of feet? Especially that one for Wayne...bleh, it looks too real! (I think it'd be funnier, though, if it was the middle toe sticking straight up in the air. You know what I mean?)
The one below Wayne's cake seriously made me gag. Real big. Why--WHY--would someone make the big toe all covered in pus? Gah...
Mella, you got it. I was wondering what they reminded me of !!
(Dexter the serial killer series on Showtime)