Wednesday
Dec302009
American Super (Sized) Heroes
December 30, 2009 Americans, by and large, are fat. I'm an American, and I'm fat. Together with 64% of my fellow citizens, we're taking over the country, one chocolate-covered bacon maple donut bar at a time. Rather than get all down and out about it, though, I like the bakeries' approach: simply upsize all of our childhood icons to fit the times!
Whoah. Uh, Spidey, listen: I'm all for embracing your body image, but at some point spandex stops being your friend.
"Something seemed fishy about Nemo's new 'power diet.' And where was Bloat the puffer fish, anyway?"I suppose Cookie Monster has the best excuse for being a bit blobbish:
Hey, Mickey!
[singing] "Oh, Mickey, what a pityYou don't understand
You're blocking up your heart
when you eat up all that ham!"
And lastly, here's one for us plus-sized princesses:
"Tink noticed it was taking a lot more pixie dust than usual to get off the ground these days. Peter, wisely, said nothing."Remember, Melissa W., Jen S., Dawn G., Amanda L., & Cindy S., there's an upside to everything: fat people are much harder to kidnap.
- Related Wreckage: Does This Cake Make Me Look Fat?
Reader Comments (91)
I loved Cookie Monster on The Colbert Report; I could watch that clip again and again. This cake... not so much.
If the Cookie Monster CCC (patooie!) was a real cake and not as messy-looking, it would be pretty cool. That's a pretty clever idea.
Fat people are harder to kidnap!! Yes! I say this all the time. You never hear "The victim was grabbed off the street, please be on the lookout she is 5'2" and 230lbs."
Bwahahaha! Fat people are much harder to kidnap! There's a reason for everything, I know that now. :D
wv: Assessess: excess in assessment in motion (See public schools).
Well, I for one think the Princess looks like she has the mumps!!!!
Wow - poor Nemo looks like he was run over by a Mack truck.
Oops, before reading the caption I thought Nemo was Garfield, run over by a car.
"Peter, wisely, said nothing"
Best line ever!!!
If this is a new line in Disney, you may be on to something, here in America.
favorite line: "peter, wisely said nothing."
it takes some men longer than others to wise up. i've found a good crack over the head with a rolling pin or iron skillet usually does the trick. heh heh
btw, robert downey jr. is lookin' mighty fine in sherlock holmes. me love some of that! ;-)
Spiderman modelled after this halloweening fella:
http://randomfunnypicture.com/tag/spiderman/
Pretty dead-on when you look at it that way, eh?
Thanks a lot...NOW I've got that stupid Mickey song rolling around in my head teh rest of the day...
"..Hey, Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind-HEY MICKEY!..."
Is it just me or does cookie monster look like he might be losing previoulsy chewed cookies? Ate a few too fast maybe?
I just realized how much less appealing Spiderman is when he's...er, not looking so svelte. Like how it would be if Chris Farley had been cast in the role.
"Fat guy in a little...spandex costume!"
Yay!! My first ever wreck submission has made the cut :) Thanks for the laughs!!!
The blobbiness of Cookie Monster aside, I am not digging the idea of a cake with half-chewed cookies in its mouth. Or maybe this is a cake with motion features, and we're seeing just a split-second image? In that case, cool! Carry on, then.
I think this is fast becoming my favorite thread! Just TRY and kidnap MY big butt. Muahahaha!
That's Tinkerbell? I thought it was Barbara Eden from I DREAM OF JEANNIE.
As an American, part of me is horrified to think that one day Disney really will upsize characters to fit the look of its U.S. audience. The other part of me is saying, "Ohh, yummy bacon maple donut!"
wv: Dizinec-- "Disney" pronounced with a mouthful of bacon maple donut. Huh.
"peter, wisely, said nothing"- brilliant
wv: decterw: the spidey sense of detecting a wrekie once one walks into the grocery store
I kind of like the Cookie Monster! I can see where the creativity stemmed from... I say best of the worst!
Jen, that was just cruel. Now "Hey Mickey" is going to be stuck in my head all day. What heartless thing to do to your devoted fans! :p
(Not that it's going to stop me from coming back tomorrow, but id that song is still running through my head then, I might make another complaint comment! :) )
Oh Mickey reference! Brilliant! LMFAO! Keep up the great work!
I'm somewhat grateful that they used the far superior Cookie Monster as opposed to his veggie cop-out, but maybe I'm being too optimistic by trying to convince myself that every wreck has its silver lin- er, icing.
Ok Jen -
We met you at the book signing in Seattle.
YOU ARE NOT FAT.
Really you aren't. You may be larger than an anorexic Barbie Doll but compared to the vast majority of people out there you aren't fat.
Tink on the other hand should look into weight watchers. Or maybe we could do Fictional Character Biggest Loser...it would be a ratings smash
Really, the Spiderman cake would be pretty awesome if the head didn't qualify for its own zip code!
"Tink noticed it was taking a lot more pixie dust than usual to get off the ground these days. Peter, wisely, said nothing."
LMAO
and what an evil link you posted to the "fat" page. what weird food!
I'm with Trista- I saw you at the NY book signing and you are NOT fat! Have better self esteem- you should be so proud of yourself for all that you've done with this site :)
Love the rest of this post though!
Bwahahahaa...
I've always said that I'm not fat, I'm "famine-resistant" but now I know I'm "kidnap-resistant" too. Booyeah! LuciaB FTW +100.
Also, how sad is it that chipmunk-cheeked Tinkerbell there is actually one of the best CCCs I've seen?
I don't understand why people keep trying to make "face or body" shapes with cupcakes.... In Mexico "cup cakes" are very popular but they are usually a square of cupcakes with frosting on top and then designs in the frosting... It looks so much better... (Not my favorite still, but better) I will send you some pics of what I am talking about!
I felt sorry for Nemo and Mickey!
I 2nd Trista's idea of a fictional characters "Biggest Losers!" That mouse from Cinderella could be on it, the dwarfs (I thought it was dwarves...hmmm) from Snow White; Shrek...
Ophelia, I had the same thought--"what happened to Garfield?" then read that it was supposed to be Nemo. Yikes.
For those of you who want to get the "Mickey" song out of your head, you can try the equally catchy parody "Ricky" by Weird Al Yankovic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9KRr_54Wg0
Uh, you may not thank me . . . but I prefer it to the original.
From what I've heard Cookie Monster has been renamed "Veggie Monster" on the show...this cake is probably why.
Two great lines, Jen!
"Fat people are harder to kidnap" and "Peter, wisely, said nothing"
Love it!!
Aside from making tink look a little poofy, I have to admit that I think the Wreckerator did an overall good job decorating Tink!
My 2yo is an avid Mickey Mouse fan. He can spot him or his memorable shape a mile away. That is how I know just wreck-y that cake is:
Me: Hey, who's this?
2yo: Uhh, bear?
I'm new here, so forgive me if you guys have already seen this.. But this game has that last cake written all over it
Fat Princess: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73L4T7QVprI
You are not fat.
the last CW looks like an awful rendition of Jeannie from "I Dream of Jeannie." Ugh!
Happy New Year, Jen + John! Thanks for my daily giggle.
You are NOT fat!
From now on, I'm going to be singing your version of the Hey, Mickey song ;).
Trista--I would TOTALLY watch a fictional character biggest loser! I hear Gaston has really let himself go since Belle dumped him.
Thanks for ruining yet another formerly amusing blog by jumping on the fat hate bandwagon.
Would it still be funny if you were poking fun at black people?
Not that I expect this to be posted... jokes about how disgusting people are are fine, comments about being hurt by that just can't possibly be allowed.
My friend was just saying last night that Tinker Bell is oddly proportioned, but this brings it to a whole new level!
Jeez, I wonder what would happen to Winnie the Pooh under these cake-making guidelines?
Wow. A real daring post. I guess that everyone will forget to be insulted at this very true statistic (or make insults) just becuase the post is so funny; *serious* Laugh Out Loud material. :) Thanks!
Erin,
Why are black people the go-to example when it comes to being offended? People keep citing examples of blacks and Ebonics. *sigh*
And who said fat people are "disgusting?" Jen and I are both a bit chubby and I think she's a sexy beast.
I think your reading something into this post that's not really there.
john
ps. You put your name and don't swear, it get's published.
Fine, would it still be funny if you were making fun of people for (insert whatever trait you like)?
And you don't need to explicitly say something for the attitude to come through loud and strong... fat people are to be ridiculed, because hey it's all our fault anyway.
I just don't get why it is ok to make fun of me (well, a group I am a part of) for my physical appearance, but it's mean and wrong to make fun of someone else for their appearance.
As to why I am "oversensitive" -- go read the internet. You can't go a single day without being slapped in the face with the idea that being fat is at best a cause for ridicule, and at worst a moral failing deserving of being cast into eternal damnation for.
I now have the Mickey song in my head. Only your version makes it worse. I now will never again be able to eat ham. XD
That link actually makes me feel better about my own diet choices. But then, my cousins eat stuff like that all the time and they're all naturally skinny. I took after the wrong side of the family.
The cookie monster CCC is awesome!!
Erin,
Perhaps it would be good for you to go back and read the post from beginning to end.
I think you missed the part where Jen included herself in the "fat" majority - and also the fact that she said nothing derogatory whatsoever about that majority. Don't let your past experiences color what you're reading, because frankly, you're seeing an attitude or prejudice that simply isn't there.
I'm sorry you didn't like the post.
john