The Twilight Zone
October 29, 2009 Tonight I'm going to be doing a live author chat over on Twilight Moms, a website devoted to moms who enjoy astronomical chitchat.
Or maybe they have something to do with vampires. Hm. Come to think of it, that might explain a few things, actually...
Well, if I've learned anything from being a fangirl myself (though admittedly more of the sci-fi genre) it's that you always look for common ground when dealing with bloodthirsty devotees. That, and no sudden movements. So, Twi-hards, sink your teeth into THIS (while the rest of us casually stroll off in this direction):
As you can see, there are two crucial elements to most Twilight cakes:
1) edible photo paper, and
2) lots of black icing.
Unfortunately, black icing does tend to show how green the "black" ink in edible photos can be. But what can you do? Draw something?
Say, this is actually pretty good! And way to represent the big girls, baker; I'm tired of the skinny chick always getting the sparkly immortal. Even if she is impaling his arm with her big ol' man-hand.
Well, better get back to the formula, I suppose. Only, what's that you say? You want MORE black icing? Nooo problem:
Well that's gonna leave a mark stain. No, I don't know what the white swirly bits are supposed to be. And yes, it does look like a postage stamp. But let's not give anyone ideas, mmkay?
You know, for vampire-themed cakes these things have been awfully blood-free.
Ah, that's better. The oozing bell peppers really add something, too. Specifically, something that makes even less sense than writing "Forks Twilight" on a cake.
(Yes, I know that Forks is the name of the town in the story. That's hardly an explanation, though.)
As with all cakes, the most important thing to remember when ordering a Twilight design is that nothing beats a little forethought, balance, and beautifully scripted text:
Yep, nothing would have beat any of those right about now.[Pro tip: if you're going to scratch guide lines into the icing, keep in mind that airbrushed icing is white underneath.]
And lastly, choosing the right text for your tribute cake is also key:
"What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy? What a stupid lamb! What a sick, masochistic lion."Er.
Yeeeahh...so...
Happy Birthday!
Or would it make more sense as an anniversary cake? [evil grin]
I hate to admit it, Giselle P., Katelynn B., Emily S., Jennifer T., & Itzkeleen, but I think the first Twilight Wreck I posted still takes the cake. (Keeping in mind that only the professional cakes count, of course; there are tons of hilarious amateur jobs out there.)
- Related Wreckage: The Twilight of our Discontent
Reader Comments (291)
The last one the "hero" looked like "nerd". All I saw is "what if I'm not the nerd?"
That says "What if I am not the nerd?" You know it!!
Am I the only one that thinks the last one says "What if I'm not the nerd?"
I thought it said "what if I'm not the nerd?" on the last cake until I read what you typed.
Twilight cakes. Well I must admit, that is actually pretty sane even for Twihards. The new Robert Patterson underwear someone has made is a bit obsessively insane though.
This is even funnier when you realize that all that black icing is going to dye their poo a very intense green the next day. It's like a special surprise after their sparkly vampire party!
I love twilight wreckage! Even with all the blobs of black icing, Edward still looks yummy (pun intended). I think the guidelines in that one cake are suppose to be there, but it was still silly to make them white when in the logo they are the same color as the text.
Wow I just realized how much of a twi-nerd I am. I'm off to go get a life now...
On the last one, I saw "What if I'm not the nerd?" I guess "hero" makes more sense.
Is that dueling bacon on the last cake? Or are the apple and the chess piece using bacon to duel? Would I know what that is if I'd read the books?
Is that BACON on the last cake??!?!?! it sure looks like it from here!
I thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?" and my answer was...oh no...you are DEFINITELY the nerd!
On the last cake, I (not being a Twilight fan) could have sworn the text at the bottom said, "What if I'm not the nerd?"
OMG. The captcha for this comment is nosperm. WTFetch?
... surely I'm not the only one who read the word "hero" as "nerd" on the last cake.
Or maybe I am.
OK, when I saw "What if I'm not the hero?" on the cake I *really* thought that it said "What if I'm not the nerd?"
I like my version better. :-)
Guess I need another cup of coffee this morning to sharpen the ole eyesight. I initially read the inscription on that last cake as, "so what if I'm not the nerd".
WV: subcowed
Are you sure that last one doesn't say, "What if I'm not the nerd?" That's what it looks like to me, and that makes more sense, somehow.
Um, is that BACON on the last cake? It looks like a icing apple, a white chess piece, and strips of BACON! Perhaps this is an homage to the Beggin' Strips Dog Twilight Fan?
Haha, in the last cake I read "hero" as "nerd", which was even more confusing.
I totally saw that last one as "What if i'm not the nerd" LOL
On the last cake I read "What if I'm not the nerd?" I thought it was a baker mistake, but no just bad piping.
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I was waiting for this day. I have to admit I thought the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?" and I'm one of the biggest Twilight fans out there. (Also thought that might be bacon on top..hmm)
Is that BACON on the last cake?
I could totally see me becoming a bacon vampire. Count Oscar Meyer! Who sneaks into peoples' homes, raids their refrigerators, and then makes them breakfast.
And then EATS IT ALL IN FRONT OF THEM!!! Bwaaaaa, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Um...sorry...
^..^
WV: kedness. "Nay, kedness is unacceptable in a Cake Wrecks post!"
That last one looks an awful lot like it says, "What if I'm not the nerd?" along the bottom...
I know . . . I'm probably one of the few people who hasn't read the Twilight books . . . nor do I plan to unless I HAVE to in order to discuss them with students.
So with that disclaimer, I can honestly say that I don't understand many of today's cakes. The "Forks Twilight" baffled me until I read the explanation.
However, it's the last cake that, ahem, takes the cake! At first glance (and even upon closer inspection), I thought that bottom line said, "What if I'm not the nerd!"
Sigh. Maybe I need to renew my eyeglass prescription again. Then again, maybe not. "Nerd" would make it even wreckier than it already is!
when i saw that second to last cake, i thought it actually said "What if i'm not the nerd" before getting to what you said about it. also, who doesn't love a couple of humping worms next to a chess piece????
con on the last cake? There's doing EVERYTHING in bacon lately.
-Jennifer O'C
Is that bacon on that last cake?
I really hope that is bacon on the last cake.
It looks like there is bacon in the middle of that last cake.
I read that last one as 'What if I'm not the nerd?'
hm.... I thought that last one said, "What if I'm not the nerd?"
I'm not a Twilight fan, so I know I'm not getting a lot of the references, but what's the decoration on that cake? I see a bell pepper/apple thing on the left, a chess piece on the right, so what the hell is in the middle?
I thought that the line on the bottom of the last cake said, "What if I'm not the nerd?"
lol
I read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd".
I read that last cake as "What if I'm not the nerd."
Okay, I totally thought that last cake had 'What if I'm not the nerd' instead of the hero line.
Sadly, the nerd line makes more sense to me.....
I read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd" and I was sitting here wondering where that line was in the books.
Man, my eyes must be going... I thought that last one said, "What if I'm not the nerd?" hehe..
You know... I do not appreciate Twilight as a work of literature per se (being extra PC to avoid flame wars on your lovely lovely site!) But I think I would order one of those cakes. Really. They are too darn hilarious.
LOL! On that last cake, I seriously thought at first that the nearest side read, " . . . I am not the nerd."
Wait. What?
Sorry, if you're getting a Twilight cake, you probably are a nerd. (But this is OK -- *I'm* a nerd, and I think nerdiness is cool.)
Hey, someone should do a Twilight cake that says, "I want sparkles"! Wouldn't that rock . . .?
...I thought it said "What if I'm not the nerd?"
I read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd?"
I thought the last cake said, "What if I'm not the nerd?" Frankly, that's the kind of thought that keeps me up at night.
I honestly read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd?"
That last cake actually says 'What if I'm not the nerd?'
Definitely. :P
I totally thought the line on the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd." Twilight fangirl I am not, clearly.
haha! I thought that last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?" at first.
LOL as usual. Although, on the last one those white lines aren't guide marks....the Twilight movie logo has white sparkly white lines dancing off the letters like that. Just for the record. :) Big fan (of CW and Twilight!).
Wow, I totally read that last one as "what if I'm not the nerd." I like my reading better. :)
THanks for explaining the "Forks" thing to those of us who avoid Twilight like the plague. If you don't now anything about Twilight, that made NO sense. (Okay, even if you do, I suppose it really don't either....)
Anyone else read it "What if I'm not the nerd?"