The Twilight Zone
October 29, 2009 Tonight I'm going to be doing a live author chat over on Twilight Moms, a website devoted to moms who enjoy astronomical chitchat.
Or maybe they have something to do with vampires. Hm. Come to think of it, that might explain a few things, actually...
Well, if I've learned anything from being a fangirl myself (though admittedly more of the sci-fi genre) it's that you always look for common ground when dealing with bloodthirsty devotees. That, and no sudden movements. So, Twi-hards, sink your teeth into THIS (while the rest of us casually stroll off in this direction):
As you can see, there are two crucial elements to most Twilight cakes:
1) edible photo paper, and
2) lots of black icing.
Unfortunately, black icing does tend to show how green the "black" ink in edible photos can be. But what can you do? Draw something?
Say, this is actually pretty good! And way to represent the big girls, baker; I'm tired of the skinny chick always getting the sparkly immortal. Even if she is impaling his arm with her big ol' man-hand.
Well, better get back to the formula, I suppose. Only, what's that you say? You want MORE black icing? Nooo problem:
Well that's gonna leave a mark stain. No, I don't know what the white swirly bits are supposed to be. And yes, it does look like a postage stamp. But let's not give anyone ideas, mmkay?
You know, for vampire-themed cakes these things have been awfully blood-free.
Ah, that's better. The oozing bell peppers really add something, too. Specifically, something that makes even less sense than writing "Forks Twilight" on a cake.
(Yes, I know that Forks is the name of the town in the story. That's hardly an explanation, though.)
As with all cakes, the most important thing to remember when ordering a Twilight design is that nothing beats a little forethought, balance, and beautifully scripted text:
Yep, nothing would have beat any of those right about now.[Pro tip: if you're going to scratch guide lines into the icing, keep in mind that airbrushed icing is white underneath.]
And lastly, choosing the right text for your tribute cake is also key:
"What if I'm not the hero? What if I'm the bad guy? What a stupid lamb! What a sick, masochistic lion."Er.
Yeeeahh...so...
Happy Birthday!
Or would it make more sense as an anniversary cake? [evil grin]
I hate to admit it, Giselle P., Katelynn B., Emily S., Jennifer T., & Itzkeleen, but I think the first Twilight Wreck I posted still takes the cake. (Keeping in mind that only the professional cakes count, of course; there are tons of hilarious amateur jobs out there.)
- Related Wreckage: The Twilight of our Discontent
Reader Comments (291)
"What if I am not the nerd?" is the new "Happy Falker Satherhood"...yay!
"What if I am not the nerd?" is the new "Happy Falker Satherhood"....hahaha!
Yes! Cake Wrecks and Twilight - my two favorite blog things smashed into one!
New t-shirt idea, Jen. You need to have a "what if I'm not the nerd" shirt. I'd so totally buy it. Or at least add it to my Christmas list along with the carrot jockey and sprinkles shirts.
bwah! why is the chess piece pooing out bacon?
Kristine
These cakes were hilarious (and a little offensive to a die-hard Twilight fan such as myself). The last one looks like it has bacon on it.
I think the "white scratch marks" are supposed to be there.
They tried to recreate the Twilight movie logo:
http://i14.photobucket.com/albums/a320/BhBear06/Twilight/twilight_logo.jpg
baha man hands.
black icing=black teeth.
You know what fans of vampires are called, right?
Fang-girls.
hahaha
Sometimes I crack myself up. Especially if the joke is really, really bad.
Yes! I'm not the only person who read "What if I'm not the nerd?"
Now, I love Twilight just as much as the next no-longer-a-teenager, sparkling vampire romance obsessed woman ... But why in the world is there BACON on that last cake?
oh my what wonderful wreckage!. i'm glad i'm not the only one that saw hero as nerd and thought that the flower and ribbon on the last cake looked like bacon. if it wasn't for the chess piece i probably wouldn't have figured out that they were trying to put the cover art from the 4 books all on one cake. i'm letting my daughter have a party when new moon comes out in november. i will defiantly be making their cupcakes myself after seeing some of this. not sure what we'd end up with for cupcakes if i request werewolf heads.
I'm exposing myself as someone who hasn't read Twilight here.... Is there supposed to be a mustache on the one male on the 3rd cake? It looks like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara to me.
I'm with Lindsey - I saw the line as "what if I am not the herd". My other reaction was "what the heck - is that BACON on that cake?" Maybe it was a breakfast cake - strawberry jelly and bacon. Very strange. My daughter is 24 and has complete and utter disdain for all things Twi, so I have no idea what the text on the cake is supposed to mean.
Jen, you never fail to make me laugh. Thanks!
WV: swerst Those gotta be some of the swerst cakes I've ever seen!
Yes! "What if I'm not the nerd?" T-shirts that have a red bell pepper, bacon-wrapped asparagus, bacon on its own, and a comparably giant, inexplicable white fire hydrant. All on a lopsided black background flaked with snow. Can't believe I didn't go into design professionally.
Trish, Pip, Wayne, Jael, Taylor@, Anonymous (1-18), Debbo, Gary, Malek, Savannah, Bittersweet, Mio, WriteCards, Nobody, Nadine, poornamelesscat, April, Susan, Michelle, Kashmir, Beth, Jean, Dame Ruth, Emily, Melissa G., Beth, -SeaNymph-, Hanna, Jen, Mario, Trevor, loonieroonie, Sara, Emily, Nic, amy=), Stephanie, Bryna, Alex, RaceCar, Sadie Potts, Bangs, cyn, HMCIV, David B, stuffcookswant, Jo, Cakey Goodness, Jo-Momma, SarahB, Amy, Bridget Delaney, giddygirlie, Tomara, Kim, TwilightTwins2, The Coordinator, Mel, Jonnytonic, and Alex,
I saw "nerd" as well.
But I did not notice bacon.
-Green
WV: pinta-Yes, I sailed that boat. What then?
After having read all 159 "nerd" and "bacon" comments, I have to saythe very very best one is
"And also it looks like a depiction of bacon rape. Does that happen in the books?"
Snort... too funny.
I also saw nerd and would like that on a tee!
WV: czygorte - A phase one goes through on the way to becoming a twihard. You start as a czygorte, become a nerdhero and then become a twihard.
wait it doesn't say "What If I'm Not the Nerd?" ???
Dribbly... much like the books... (sorry not a fan really)
Yes to the nerd.
No to the bacon.
What I'd like to know is when are we going to see Edward with a yellow sanding sugar complexion. *Sparkly* LOL!
Oh, and the very first carrot jockey? Dismounted, but we're researching* glues to get him back in the saddle.
Enjay
*by researching I mean the man makes a suggestion and I veto it. So far caulk, gorilla glue, wood glue, super glue and something called liquid weld have been shot down for fear of inducing a grotesque appearance in the crotchal region.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who saw "What if I'm not the nerd?" on that last cake.
Fork Twilight indeed.
The "Happy Birthday Isabella" cake looks like Elvis and a rather Large Pricilla.
Louise H.
Am I the only one who sees bacon on that last cake? Not that there's ever a wrong time for bacon .... =9
What if I'm... the jock? *gasp!*
C. Beth said...
I'm exposing myself as someone who hasn't read Twilight here.... Is there supposed to be a mustache on the one male on the 3rd cake? It looks like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara to me.
___________________________
Have not read the books either.
Also thought it was a gone with the wind theme
well...i was gonna say that the last one says "what if im not the nerd"
but the last 50,000 people said that
so
i'll just keep my sinde comments to myself
What is with the bacon-looking device on the last one? I agree that it totally looks like "What if I'm not the nerd?" and I thought that was pretty Twilight-appropriate.
All that black icing..:S
I'm glad I'm not the only one who say, "what if I'm not the nerd?" xD
That looks like bacon strips on the last cake!
I also saw "What if I'm not the nerd."
Glad to know I'm not alone.
Okay laughing SO hard - so glad there are a loads of us that think it says "What if I'm not the nerd" :-D
(Oh and just in defence of one bit... they're not guide lines, they're actually part of the Twilight logo. Not that it makes it ANY better!!)
I thought the last one said "What if I'm not the nerd?"
I'm glad we all agree the last cake says "nerd." For a second I panicked, but then I remembered that I am most definitely The Nerd.
You know what?
If Twilight had actually had fighting bacon strips and such lines as "What if I'm not the nerd?" I might have actually slightly enjoyed reading it.
I want fighting bacon. :v
I saw "What if I'm not the nerd?" on that last cake too...no way that says "hero"!
I definitely saw bacon, too, on that last one. And "nerd." I thought it was a spoof cake at first, but the bacon threw me WAY off! Vampires don't eat bacon! Unless they're desperate, maybe. I'm guessing a live pig would work better than a cooked one. Wow. Contemplating the bacon for way too long, here.
I GOT IT!!!!! The bacon-looking stuff is supposed to be the tulip from the cover of "New Moon!" What do I win????? (Maniacal cackle for figuring it out!!!!!!)
I HATE Twilight with a burning passion that fills my very soul until I feel ablaze with the agony of rage. These cakes cool the flames a little. I mean, Twi-hards have to have a sense of humor about their wrecks, right? So therefore, we CAN coexist!
"Quality" cakes to match Twilight's "quality" writing.
GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS
The good news: today is my birthday!
The bad news: at my age ... another birthday
The good news: my husband and son got me a Cake Wrecks book!
The bad news: they've bogarted the book ... both have read it, and I still haven't had my turn.
Go on! Forks Twilight!
Forks the nerds AND the heroes.
Forks the bacon too!
I read 'nerd'. I see bacon. I wonder about bacon on a cake. And I can't work up much interest in vampires, either to like or hate. Although I did like Bram Stoker's Dracula (the movie) years ago. Pirates are infinitely more interesting creatures, both real and created.
I'm so totally the nerd. And I'll be taking the bacon. Thanks!
Is it me? or does that last cake look like it has bacon on it??
I haven't read the books, but I don't remember there being a bacon themed cover... what is that supposed to be on the last cake?
Oh, and WHY IS THEIR BACON ON THAT LAST CAKE?!
My fave worlds collided! Thanks so much for the Twi-wreckage!
I totally thought that last one said "what if I'm not the nerd." Threw me for a loop, momentarily.
the handdrawn one is pretty great... what is with bella's ruffle shirt though... it looks as though edwards hand is up there!
It looks like "What if I'm not the nerd?"
I also read that last one as "What if I'm not the nerd". I've never seen or read Twilight, but I'm pretty sure the story has nothing to do with geeks.