Promises, Promises
September 5, 2008 
Well, at least the cake-giver is precise. Can't have any raised expectations, now, can we?
"It's exactly one time, alright? Not 1.5, not even 1.001 - just ONE. Like to the 3rd decimal: one point zero zero zero. Got it? Now pass me the Advil, and don't go getting all handsy."
Wreckporter Jenifer tells me her hubby found this gem pre-decorated, so any backstory was completely in the mind of the decorator. (There's a scary thought.) You do have to wonder why a puppy dog was chosen to be the bearer of such lackluster news, though. Well, unless that "bow" is actually a grievous head wound; I suppose a dead dog would be appropriately depressing. Hm.
Hey! Speaking of dead dogs:
This poor little pooch looks utterly pooped. Or deceased. One of the two, anyway. And those eyes are waaay too realistic for me: who wants their cake slice to be giving them puppy dog eyes - er, I mean, eye?
Geri C., we'll just save that piece for you, eh?
UPDATE: Many of you have alerted me to the fact that in some countries a decimal point is used instead of a comma, which would make the first cake say "I love 1,000 Time!" However, a) that still makes no sense b) it would also make it grammatically incorrect, and c) it was purchased in the good ol' US of A. So either way, it's still a Wreck.
On a side note, I initially thought of posting a link to Mariah Carey's song "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time", since that's the first thing that popped into my head. After some consideration, though, I decided I liked you all too much to inflict that kind of torture.
Reader Comments (99)
the sad part is that these are both pretty well done cakes! but who wants to cut into a puppy?
GREAT site and thanks for the frequent updates. I love it!
You sure that it's not I love 1,000 time? That's what I saw when I read it.
Are you sure that the first cake isn't from Europe, or another country where they use a period as a grouping mark instead of a comma?
Okay the dog doesn't only look dead, it looks as if it's being served up in a bed of lettuce. OMG lol...
It looks like that second dog is lying on a bed of frosting lettuce. Serving him up on a dish becomes even more disturbing!
I'm going to assume that with the first cake they were intending to go with the song and forgot the "s"...but what the dog had to do with it, I have NO idea.
The second one is just sad :(
I think it might be 1,000 times? I wondered if it was a phone message error and was supposed to say 'I love you' a thousand times, all over the cake. But then I don't know what the dog is doing there.
The second puppy looks like he's being served up on a bed of lettuce!!
This is truly digusting. Even if the dog didn't look dead, who would want to eat something that looked just like their beloved pet? Icky.
All the second pooch is missing is an apple in his mouth! Yikes!
the second one looks like a dead roasted pig on a table.
creepy.
Well....
It's not as promising as "Love you LONG time"...
I'll take what I can get.
That dog looks like it should have an apple in its mouth!
That second one looks like he's in a bed of lettuce...like someone should stick an apple in his mouth and throw some sort of freakish luau. *shudder*
Steph
Hmm..... I think that second dog IS dead. I mean check out the lettuce bed he's laying on. The only thing missing is an apple in his mouth
The dog itself is creepy enough, but is that meant to be grass or toxic waste that he's lying in? You're so right about those eyes - at least give him fake cartoon candy eyes so we can feel we're not - hey, if they give a piece to the real puppy, then it's "Dog-eat-Dog" right?!!
Kat
With family stress in my life right now - your site is just what I need. Thanks!
Bed of lettuce, fire-roasted sheen... wait, where's the apple-in-the-mouth? Hah ha! I'll bet the energetic puppy gobbled it up for his last meal.
P.L. Frederick (http://smallandbig.blogspot.com/" REL="nofollow">Small & Big)
would "me love you long time" be inappropriate?
I think that says "I love 1,000 time"...like "I love you times 1,000" but in Engrish.
I think that's SUPPOSED to be 1,000, not 1.000. But it sure looks like a decimal. Or, perhaps a badly formed L. I initially thought it says "I love you looong time." which REALLY disturbed me.
that looks like a dog served up to eat on a lettuce platter. sick.
Quick, someone check for a little pile of frosting poop behind the second one!
that second cake is very scary! LOL!! Congrats on being a blog of note. That's cool!
I love your site! It's really makes my day.I am truly amazed at some of the cakes you post.
Thanks so much!
Sue from Michigan
Maybe it's 1,000 Time?
"997, 998, 999, 1,000 - done."
"Next?"
You may be right about that bow actually being a head wound, see how it trails off down the side and almost off the cake.
Gah. The dog with lettuce around it really looks like a Thanksgiving roast!
Whether that's 1.000 time or 1,000 times European-style, it still makes nooo sense. It sounds like a countdown ticker to me, like a robot which only has a set quantity of love events built in...
Just so you know, in Europe and parts of Asia One Thousand is written 1.000 and one point zero zero zero is written 1,000. It's the opposite of the US. Based on the grammar/syntax, I would probably think this is an cake decorator from overseas who thought she was writing "I love you one thousand times"
LOL. What does "I love you 1.000 time" mean? I thought it was 1,000, and that still doesn't make sense.
If that bottom dog would have had a ball in its mouth it would have looked just like a suckling pig on a bed of lettuce. Which, is what I thought it was at first, until I saw the ears. Creepy.
Not to dampen the fun, but many countries use a period were we might use a comma, and vice versa. And in fact I believe that is actually the international standard :P
But that doesn't exactly help it then, does it? As then there is grammar fail (or perhaps a missing 'ng', as amused crude little me)
In defense of the first cake, in other countries, they do the reverse that we do; where we use a decimal pt, they use a comma, and the commas we would use are actually periods
In some parts of the world a decimal acts as a comma for numbers and vice versa.
So that could be I love 1,000 time!
Still doesn't make sense though.
That second cake looks like a dog on a bed of lettuce, he's just missing the apple in his mouth. Disturbing.
-Larissa
Thats how the US sports papers show percentages isn't it? Maybe they love '100%'?
Its still a pretty sad looking dog though....
It looks to me that the top cake says 1,000 (one thousand) as opposed to 1.000 (one point zero zero zero) time. Neither one makes sense to be fair.
Edmund.
Hrm... maybe the decimal point was meant to be a comma? Like I love you a thousand times? Hrm. I guess that doesn't make sense either, huh?
the eyes are way too realistic, and what is that green stuff? Is it supposed to be grass? Brings new meaning to "waves of grain" since it looks a lot like water.
What about the first dog, are they his legs sticking out the sides all gone green?
Was he dragged along by the pink lead until his legs went green from the grass?
Was the message written/spoken by the dog and that is why it doesn't make sense to us? Oh, don't dogs talk or write?
Great site, I love checking back every day :-)
I wonder if they use red velvet cake inside the dog, a la Steel Magnolias.
Gross.
Ah, the joys of waiting 3 or 4 hours before publishing comments!
So far, 13 of you made the "served on a bed of lettuce" and/or "apple in the mouth" remark, and 12 of you pointed out the comma/decimal thing. Yikes!
Good times.
I love 'long' time?
Long and One could sound the same.
I instantly thought....'me love you long time'. Not better though is it?
Yeah, I'm with ros (8.41am) -- seems like instruction-interpretation error, and the cake should be covered in (1,000) "i love u"s (don't ask me where the u/you went -- or maybe it's supposed to be i love [the dog]).
OK - that second puppy is just down right creepy!
Those cakes are too funny! And too real! I couldn't eat that! I saw you on blogs of note, congrats! Check out my blogs if you get a chance
http://seomadness.blogspot.com
http://curse-of-the-billy-goat.blogspot.com/
I liked the second cake- not to eat it, though. It was just too dang cute/realistic.
Jen,
Never seen anything like your blog before, beautifully humorous cakes, your blog is truely a blog of note if I were to redo the nominations allover.
Sylvester
Re: 1.000 time - Maybe it's someone who really loves working full time. At my job if you work half time it's referred to as 0.5 time, three days a week is 0.6 times, etc.
That's what I though of anyway.
I love what you are doing. Your blog is beyond brillant. I check it every day. I think I laugh out loud every time I read it.
My husband always knows when I am checking it because I am doubled over in laughter. Goodness!
I enjoy your blog so much that I nominated you for a Brillant Blogger Award. :o)
Have a good day!
These are horrific. It's like edible taxidermy.