Promises, Promises
September 5, 2008 
Well, at least the cake-giver is precise. Can't have any raised expectations, now, can we?
"It's exactly one time, alright? Not 1.5, not even 1.001 - just ONE. Like to the 3rd decimal: one point zero zero zero. Got it? Now pass me the Advil, and don't go getting all handsy."
Wreckporter Jenifer tells me her hubby found this gem pre-decorated, so any backstory was completely in the mind of the decorator. (There's a scary thought.) You do have to wonder why a puppy dog was chosen to be the bearer of such lackluster news, though. Well, unless that "bow" is actually a grievous head wound; I suppose a dead dog would be appropriately depressing. Hm.
Hey! Speaking of dead dogs:
This poor little pooch looks utterly pooped. Or deceased. One of the two, anyway. And those eyes are waaay too realistic for me: who wants their cake slice to be giving them puppy dog eyes - er, I mean, eye?
Geri C., we'll just save that piece for you, eh?
UPDATE: Many of you have alerted me to the fact that in some countries a decimal point is used instead of a comma, which would make the first cake say "I love 1,000 Time!" However, a) that still makes no sense b) it would also make it grammatically incorrect, and c) it was purchased in the good ol' US of A. So either way, it's still a Wreck.
On a side note, I initially thought of posting a link to Mariah Carey's song "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time", since that's the first thing that popped into my head. After some consideration, though, I decided I liked you all too much to inflict that kind of torture.
Reader Comments (99)
I'm wondering exactly when "1,000 Time" is. Is it anything like "Miller Time"? If it is, I would love it too.
Or maybe it's like "Hammer Time". *shudder*
Hi,
Some precision about the coma and dot thing.
I am from Europe (France exactly) and to write one point zero zero zero we indeed put 1,000 but for one thousand we just writte 1 000. So there is no way 1.000 means something for an european decorator.
Best regards and congratulations for your funny blog.
I love the blog - congrat's on being feature. It's all very funny.
http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/
Hilarious! Love this blog-saw it on Blogs of note, and so far...I'm cracking up! Do the creators of these cakes submit the photos...or just the witnesses? Whatabout misspelled cakes? My sister and her husband got a "Best Wisehes" cake at on of their showers...
Wow. What else to say? That bow on that dog is weird enough in and of itself...
Depending on the way you look at it, the color of the first puppy is freaky. Anyone else see a semi-tranlucent ghost puppy cake with an eery glow? Perhaps, death by head wound?
Ok, it's probably just the color of the photo, but it's oddly mesmorizing like one of those optical illusion "do you see the old lady or the witch?" pictures.
Is it possible that the dog's name is "1.000 time"? That doesn't make a lot of sense as dog names go...but at least it would make sense of the cake!
PS: I love this blog!!!
Dead puppies. Dead puppies. Dead puppies aren't much fun.
Mom says, 'puppy's days are through.' She's gonna throw him in the stew. Dead puppies aren't much fun. (Oh, no, no.)
Dead ...
D-, d-, dead
... puppies
Dead ...
D-, d-, dead ...
... puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun. (sob)
--Dead Puppies--
Another classic Dr.Demento hit. Right along with the 'Fish Heads' cakes.
-- long time, card-carrying Dementite
It looks like the decorator of Cake 2 was trying to make "lettuce" with the green icing...like they were presenting a roasted turkey or something. That's just disturbing.
I have to agree--the second dog looks like it is being served up on a bed of lettuce--I too was looking for an apple in the mouth.
And, thank you for this blog. I just started reading it last week. I called my sister unable to breath or speak (I think she thought I was a prankster) because I was laughing so hard and double-overred with tears. I now check back daily for a good dose of laughter.
Maybe they are cakes for the folks in China that eat puppies? Eewwww
I ROFL'd at Baxter's "edible taxidermy" comment....plus it makes an aptly named label for cakes of this variety.
Duh, the second dog IS dead and being served up on a bed of lettuce for a low carb meal!!
I also thought of "me love you long time" for the first one. But here's another theory: maybe the point is that the dog/giver of cake can only love once, sort of a "you are my one true love" message?
Though the bow really does look like a bleeding head wound. Ewww.
What kind of icing is that first dog even MADE of?? It looks like glass....both are thoroughly unappetizing....
I find the tail on the lettuce puppy especially disturbing. I'm certain Ceasar Milan could tell us all what that tail is saying and I'm just as sure it's not pretty.
OK. I"ve got one.
Being a school teacher and all, MAYBE it's kind of like a 100th Day of School celebration.
Hey kids! It's THOUSAND time!!!!!
Don't you LOVE 1,000 time???
Are ya seein' it???
Maybe? Well. OK. Maybe not.
Heh, thanks for just alienating your bad-cake-hating but Mariah Carey-loving fans. ;p
the are very beautiful, but I wouldn't like to eat the dog :)
That second dog looks like those roasted pigs on platters with apples in their mouths. Waaaaay too realistic.
My first impression of the first dog is that it could be the Magic Roundabout character: www.collectorsfigurines.com/magic/mr01.jpg
You are seriously the funniest person I have ever known. And when I say known, I mean read.... :)
Thanks for keeping us laughing. :) You're awesome!!
(And isn't it funny how almost everyone has said something about a bed of lettuce and an apple in the mouth. That makes me laugh!)
Oh, and even if they did mean it 1,000 times, that still doesn't make any sort of sense...
Ladies and gents...
"Me love you long time" was a quote from the movie "Full Metal Jacket" (as I suspect Jon who poseted above knows...)
This was the come-on from the hooker trying to scare up some business from the GIs in Viet Nam!
Too funny...
It's like the antithesis of the old "Me love you long time" joke.
"I love you ONCE and that's it."
And it must be pretty hard to eat a cake that's staring up at you so forlornly. Poor doggycake.
Oy. I'm pretty sure the first cake's message is just something about someone loving someone else a lot, and it happens to be full of errors. But I've enjoyed thinking that perhaps the dog gets walked at 10:00 (or perhaps 1:00) and really loves walk time . . .
Just found your blog tonight and had to go back and look at ALL of them haha!
Nice, the dog looks great lol
Thousand Time Doggy looks like a baked marshmallow. Love how they did the writing on the piece of cardboard that supports the cake. Who's gonna get to eat the "1,000" that way? Part of the fun of eating cakes is deciding who gets the flowers and the lettering. Bummers. "Now, who wants puppy eyes?" whoa....
And the second one looks like it's nestling in a salad, like a previous commenter said. That's it, I'm throwing out my bag of Fresh Express right now.
Never saw anything like it in my life.
The dog cake on top is made routinely and in many different colors and with different types of bows and flowers decorating its ears and tail at our Wal-Mart here in Tyler, TX. I just thought it was a stupid east Texas thing... but now your post has shown me that this clearly isn't the case.
Either way, I am horrified to eat a cute little dog.
The comments for this are almost as hilarious as the cake. K-bro's suggestion that it might be like "Miller Time" or "Hammer Time" made me giggle snort.
Personally, 1,000 time or 1.000 time is my worst time of day.
;-)
"I love you 1,000 time" is a song. Here is the link for it.
http://hitparade.ch/showitem.asp?key=159486&cat=s
I haven't heard it before and I don't know if it was The Platters original song... but I'm pretty sure this is what the quote referred to. Why there is a dog?? Don't know :)
My theory is that the message was taken by a Spanish-speaking person, and what was really supposed to be on the cake was "I love meal time!" Mil (pronounced like meal) is the Spanish word for a thousand.
Maybe it's supposed to be sort of a rip-off of Scooby Doo. Instead of, perhaps, "I love fun time", they wrote "I love 1.000 (pronounced "one") time" so you would say it as Scooby would. If that is the case, it's pretty stupid. Just my 2 cents. It's the first thing that popped into my head when I read it.
Where did that weiner dog cake come from? I'd like to know which molds were used because I want to make one for my brother!
I am actually the person who acquired this frosted wonder. And whose wife was kind enough to share with the whole of internet land. The cake was purchased at that largest or big box retailers whose name might start with a "W". This particular store is located in the northern Midwest, so I don't think European decorators were involved. As far as I know it was one of those pre-made non-custom things. It was sitting there in the cooler and I thought it would make a great conversation piece for our dinner party that night. (It did) It sat on our counter for about a month in all its spender and was never eaten, so I am not sure what type of cake it actually was. Sorry.
OMG! My dad's 'lady friend' got me one for easter....i acted like i liked it...but it scared me. I was afraid that if i cut it, there would be red on the inside... :(
I swear the 1st cake is made a Publix ... and I for a fact my boss bought one for my co-worker (who has a Shitzu). Definitely terrifying. See for yourself-
http://publix.com/food/catalog/Bakery/DecoratedCakes/Variety/1259/DecoratedCakeDetail.do?id=1259
I like this pooch!
I think the 1.000 might be a reference to statistics. Specifically, baseball statistics. Someone who hit the ball every time they stepped up to the plate would be rendered as having a batting average (the ratio of hits to "at bats") of 1.000. Unfortunately for ballplayers, the usual batting average is between .260 and .275 (according to Wikipedia). So someone who loves "1.000 time" would be a true love, one whose love never falters. Once again, baseball is a metaphor for life...
I was looking at the first pic of the "puppy" (quotes intended) and my 4 year old son comes by, points at it, and says "What's that, Mommy?"
(Although I will say it was a better dog than a lot of those you've shown...even if a 4 year old couldn't recognize it).
Setting aside the confusing inscription question and focusing instead on the image of a dog together with the word "love", remember that in traditional art the dog represents fidelity. Velazquez, Gainsborough and this wreckerator only intend to show an eternally loyal and devoted love in their work.
Is the dog on a bed of lettuce?
Many cake decorators are Asian immigrants. My MIL was one for a while, and a number of the bizarre mistakes make sense if you know the mistakes that Chinese immigrants might make. That's why the "1,000 time"--periods and commas are inverted in usage there, and such a saying (there are no plural forms in Chinese) would be common.
You should read, "I love you a lot!"
And you should realize when a cake looks like it wasn't made by an English-speaking person...it probably wasn't!
--Mimi
Its not "I love Looo time" is it?
Try to Romaine calm!
Lettuce check if dog's dead. (Whew!
Got that off my cress.)
@Melissa, I agree with the Apple. Might as well've been a pig!!!
I think the "trail of blood" on the first dog is supposed to be a leash.