Seasonal Non Sequiturs
December 17, 2008 I appreciate that some decorators are trying to think outside the traditional wreath/stocking/tree box, but then again...
For the granddaughter who loves dissecting frogs - formaldehyde frosting optional. (And you know, without the comma "Love Grandma" becomes more of a command. A really creepy one.)
Have a cake left over from Halloween? Meh, just slap a Santa hat on it.*
The head of a flower, the face of a snowman, the body of a slug, and a candy cane for a...belt buckle. (Please, let's just go with belt buckle.) "Let it Snow"? How about "Let it Go" - as in, away. Far, far away.
Brace yourself for this next one:
The mind, it boggles. Is this a frilly white Santa caterpillar, crawling up a red boulder? Or has Santa sampled some Wonka chewing gum (with cherry pie dessert)? The back certainly does nothing to clear up the mystery:
What IS that little bump? A tail?
Even more baffling, the decorator thought this was such a smashing design that s/he made it in miniature as well:
Now the bumps are on the side. What does it mean?!?
Try to picture those "cakes" without the plastic Santa heads for a moment. I'm getting a real "raw meatballs sitting in radioactive waste" vibe - how 'bout you?
Thanks to intrepid Wreckporters Brittney E., Meredith O., Kelly D., & Heather K.!
*I'm told this is actually a Grinch cake. Not sure that alleviates the wreckiness, though.
Reader Comments (218)
You. Are. KILLING. Me. !!!!1!!1
OMG! Santa has morphed into a Tremor!
(You know, the eighties movie with Kevin Bacon?)
I don't know...maybe it's just my weird taste, but I think the snowman slug flower is kind of cute.
It doesn't look so much like a Grinch as it does a baby seal body with Santa's head attached. I can't figure out which I find more disturbing.
My vote's for a Santa bride!
The big tuff of white is the veil. And the bottom with the little red bobble is the train of the dress.
And the second with the two smaller ones is two santas getting married. So they support homosexuality and political correctness in one shot!
And I loved the belt buckle comment. ;) It reminded me of potter puppet pals...
The "Love Grandma" command made me laugh so hard that my cat abandoned my lap!
My first thought on the top pic was that it's a (somewhat anthropomorphized) disemboweled green cat. Clearly I have issues, too.
Wrecktastic, all.
...I have stared at and returned to the velvety Santa blobs several times in the last few days. I can not find any conceivable reason for why they look the way they do. My brain says that maybe, just perhaps, if the Santa heads were flipped around, the long white stuff could be his beard. Or his trim. But now he's just got tons of hair down his back. Or his coat is on backwards.
Those santa slugs are the oddest looking cakes I've ever seen.
But why would anyone ice the plastic tray??
It's a caterpillar of a Santa, making his way up Ayers Rock.
I'm thinking Santa the Hut.....and all he wants for Christmas is a Princess Leia cake (wreck).
Hee hee... the dissected frog reminded me of http://mattbenn8.deviantart.com/art/Brought-to-you-by-the-letter-D-39935038" REL="nofollow">this person's post on Deviantart. As for those wriggly and fat Santas... they should help me to stay away from pastries for this whole season, I'm sure.
I think the red blobs are Santa's body, the tail looking blobs are supposed to be his arm/hand and he is holding a white sack slung over his shoulder.
I note that this is so confusing the decorator actually had to write 'Santa' on the big one.
OMG, I am laughing so hard I am practically peeing my pants. You commentary as usual is spot-on and hilarious! Thanks for making my Xmas more merry!
OMG those last few santa ones made me laugh so hard, I am still laughing. In the spirit of living in Florida, it reminded me of a manatee...hmmm manatee santa...now there is something you don't see everyday!
Thanks for this blog, when I am down I come here for a few good laughs and it does the trick EVERY time!
Damiane'
oh, i've been going through your blog with my husband & roommate- we've laughed ourselves silly over many of these wrecks but the "santa caterpillar" nearly made me wet my pants. nothing like a good cake wreck to brighten your day!
It's obviously a Santa "Metamorphosis" from Kafka, people! This guy wakes up one morning, and he's a giant sluggy bug of some kind, just like poor Santa here. I was traumatized for days when I read that story as a kid; betcha the decorator read it shortly before doing these cakes.
Okay, so a friend directed me here, and it's been funny so far going backwards, but this one just made me LAUGH!! :-D Santa Slug!
OMG! I just found this post. Its pre- gastric bypass santa? maybe??
I'm actually laughing so hard I have tea coming out of my nose!!!
Fantastic blog!
LOL It looks like Santa had, eh, a little too much turkey I suppose?
Late post is late, but as far as I can tell, that last bunch of cakes is Shapeshifting Santa in Seal form.
Why? God knows. o__O; Yes, when I hear "Santa" all I can think of is the cuddily marine mammal the Seal.
whut.
I though tht ecaption 'I'm told this is a grinch cake' pertained to the meatball santas. I mean, it made sense in a Nightmare-Before-Christmas kind of way, I mean, didn't they tie up Santa in that movie?
Geeeeeez..........was laughin so hard......couldn't stop......and scared the heck out of my cats...........whoahahahhahhahaaaaa..
.........pleeeez......stop it!!!!!...
pain in my belly......
I laughed till i cried... I love your wacky commentary to the pictures.
OMG, my belly hurts
The Santa cakes made me laugh so hard my jaw hurts and tears are in my eyes. And it doesn't help that you're a hilarious writer! I laugh my butt off, then read the next sentence and laugh my head off! Quit it!
(just kidding. go ahead and continue.)
The grinch cake looks like oscar the grouch with a really bad hairpiece! and why do ppl insist on doing cupcake cakes? They just look so bad no matter what you're doing!
Must...Love...Grandma...
Okay, everyone, who wants SANTA BLOBS?
ME!
WV: dencin. Sounds like diaper cream.
My sister and I think it’s a worm!?! Maybe....Maybe just a little?...
HAHAHAHA
Sarah
Actually, that HAS to be an Oscar the Grouch cake. What else could it be? And though, yes, still disturbing, that thought makes it.. Well, understandable.. Okay okay, look, just let me think it's Oscar, okay?!?!? Geeze! *Puff..*
OH dear goodness. The santa caterpillars are had me loling. I looked at a lot of cakes on this site and that one kills me the most. I also want to know "what does it mean?!"
Oh the Santa creatures are a riot! Scary-funny! Or funny-scary! I almost DON'T want to know what the baker was going for on those! Yikes!
Maybe they're SUPPOSED to be Santa Slugs...that might explain how he's able to get up & down chimneys, although it'd take him years...DECADES...just to make it around the world at that speed! Not to mention how he'd have no way to carry his sack of toys!
Uh-oh, now I want a Santa-slug cake! :-) "Merry, um, something-or-other!"
I can't stop laughing. Betsy
I'm guessing that Gabriella is a biology major, and her grandma just wanted to acknowledge that. The "grinch" cake sure looks like a bad imitation of Oscar he grouch. And the "Santa in the elephant poop" was the tragic result of good old Saint Nick deciding to add Dumbo(who is now an adult flying elephant) to his reindeer line up for added power. :P
I think the Santa with the Blue around it was originally an island.
It's the Santa Slug! Mutated after he survived the big cherry bomb in the sky.
Oh and those are not meatballs those are giant boobs! They bounced off and went rolling through the grass like bowling balls taking out a couple of Santa impersonators as they went.
holy cow, that second cake looks like a head specimen in a glass case, something out of a sci-fi or horror film!
Don't you people know anything?! The second one is definitely Oscar the Grouch holiday style.
I am eternally grateful for your site. I stop by often to catch up. The stories and photos ruin me, reduce me to gales of laughter, complete with tears. I laugh so hard I can't talk and my partner is drawn over to see what is causing all of this mayhem. The caaakes...
I laughed so hard....what in the world??
I'm really not understanding WHAT the heck those mermaid santa's are. Its so confusing! Im thinking its supposed to be mermaid santa who has surfaced to sunbathe on a boulder in the sea (kinda little mermaid-esque) Notice the blue "water" and green "sea-weed/algae" thrown on there... ? just a guess. I really have no idea. I love the "love grandma" command. That made me laugh hysterically outloud at work... at my desk.. then everyone was all like "whats so funny..." .. nothing. nothing at all people. get back to work.
Oh my god!! And I'm sitting at my desk at work, too. I laughed so hard -- soundlessly -- that I got nauseated. GREAT STUFF!!
It's Santa The Hutt.
That's not a frog, that's the mistletoad!
Bel
I realize this is way after you posted... but I think the last one might be a Santa head on top of a Santa hat. The decorator didn't have a way of differentiating the hat from the fold, so the mermaid-blobs are the fold of the hat (which would normally be red). Then the red meatballs are what would normally be the white puffs. Why the Santa head is on top, I don't know.
Anyways, that's my theory and I'm sticking with it.
I was laughing so hard about the Santa cake, I actually started to drool...
Lord have mercy!
It looks like Santa wandered down the wrong chimney and got his head stuck on a pike as a warning to others.
Laughing so hard at frilly white Santa caterpillar that I'm crying.
I thought those bottom cakes might be sort of a "Santa in an Iron Lung" theme...except the iron lung is, yknow, seasonally decorated.
Come on... Clearly the wonka santas are santa hats with the plastic santa on top. Why on earth you would stick santa's head on top of it I can't answer. Maybe the hat alone didn't relay the christmas cheer, but if you add a disembodied head on top...that says "Happy Holidays"!!
I laughed so hard at the commentary for the caterpillar Santas that my eyes were watering and my stomach hurt! Thanks for the great laugh!