Tina Fey Would Have WORDS About This

You ever stumble across a reeealllly old website - I'm talking pre-2008 here - where it's got the auto-play music, ten different fonts, plus flashing geocities-style graphics of crying kittens and glitter trails behind your cursor?

Well minions, I've found some cakey equivalents, and they. are. GLORIOUS.

The only thing missing is 8-bit Mario music and a MySpace link.

This is why you never drink and web-design:

Or rather, drink and edible-image-design. Holy clip art overload, Batman!

Speaking of clip art, there are some ANCIENT edible image designs still being sold in a certain huge grocery chain, and I think you'll agree: they need to stop.

First there's this:

Which is kind of cute until you realize that kind of uniform is only used for skimpy Halloween costumes nowadays... and she looks like she's about to throw that cake in someone's face. ("I put on the outfit, I got your stupid flowers and cake, and that's where I draw the line, bub. Now put. The stethoscope. DOWN.")

Don't worry, though, just to even things out, there's a male option!

...of a doctor. Doing, you know, doctory things. Because he doesn't have time to deliver your sweets and flowers, k, pumpkin? HE'S A DOCTOR.

And while we're on the subject of some sweet, sugary sexism, check out this pair of designs:

Look, I'm not one to over-analyze something as trivial as cake...

Oh, wait.

YES I AM.

So Mr. Boss Man "works" with his feet up and a knowing leer - there's not even a computer on his desk, because he doesn't concern himself with the little picture, got it? - while the female equivalent is either a secretary-type or a telemarketer. Mmmhmm. No, yeah, that's suuuper cute and appropriate for us modern workin' gals, am I right, ladies?

Riiiight. Thanks to Heather S., Kathy G., Jessa H., Seab & Steph, and Katie H. for the blergiest of cakey blergs.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

"Smack That Shiz" Is My New Favorite Saying

Stacey had a flowery paper plate she wanted her cake to match, so she brought it in to her bakery and asked them to use it as a reference for the decorations.

Unfortunately, what her baker heard wasn't so much "use this as a color/flower reference" as it was "Take this plate, cram it in the photocopier, print it on edible paper, and smack that shiz on some cake. But be sure to place it at a super weird angle, so it looks wrong no matter which way it's facing.
Yes, really. This is exactly what I want you to do."

Do I even need a drum roll anymore? Tell you what, instead, just imagine more of an "angry chickens thwacking you in the face" kind of sound. Seems more apropos.

Anyhoo... BEHOLD:

[sniff] It's.. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.

Thanks to Stacey W., who promises to glare at any and everyone who chimes in to say at least the border icing matches. YOUR MOVE, COMMENTERS.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.