Ode To Moms' Body of Work

WARNING: Today's cakes depict childbirth, and are therefore not appropriate for children. Enjoy the irony. (And I'm guessing your boss won't approve, either.)

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Today, my dear minions, we look at the beauty of motherhood.

...in all its lumpy, oh-so-appetizing glory.

(Anyone else see a screaming face in there?)

Yes, moms, you are the oysters from which baby pearls spring.

You are the pod, full of anthropomorphic pea people.

You are the oven, stuffed with DANG GIRL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR HANDS?!

Ahem. Sorry.

I of course meant "what's wrong with your glorious hands?"

Moms, we all know that giving birth is your single most crowning achievement - and I mean that in the most literal way possible.

So lets thank the anonymous submitter who made this photo collage for us. Just think: without the upper right angle there, we'd never have known this cake had an anus!

Moms assure me you forget all that pain, though, once they bring out your little bundle, all wrapped up:

Not like that.

NOT LIKE THAT!

Uh... You know, on second thought, let's get that plastic wrap back on.

So here's to you, moms, as you look forward to the day when all the sleepless nights and cleaning poop out of your hair will be worth it.

Because someday - maybe even one day soon! - your kids will realize everything you've done for them, and will want to express to you exactly how they feel.

And it will be glorious.

Happy Mother's Day, moms.

Thanks to Janie M., Hannah L., Anony M., Joshua T., & Candy D. for reminding us that Moomy knows best.

*****

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The War on Baby Showers

With all the scary C-section and jelly-soaked vagina cakes out there, I think we've lost track of what a baby shower cake SHOULD be.

No, this isn't it.

C'mon, guys, what's wrong with a sweet, heartfelt sentiment?

Or a cutesy character?

(On the plus side, it's nice seeing chocolate curls used for something other than "down there hair." [shudder])

Ok, how about some baby accessories? You know, bottles and bows, pacifiers and... uh...

...pee sticks.

Of course pee sticks.

Guess that beats putting the real thing on there, though - which, oh yes, people keep doing:

Thanks for not jamming the business end into the icing, I guess.

::sigh::

Ok, fine. Go back to your belly and butt and vajayjay cakes, people. BUT KNOW THIS: someday you, too, could be told, "There's cake in the break room!" like poor Lynds here, only to find that THIS is what someone actually brought in to work:

Clean up on aisle 3. Bring lots of brain bleach.

Thanks to Amanda S., Anony S., Rebekah D., Colleen F., Beka K., Corey, Nellie C., & Lynds for ensuring I will never eat a chocolate-sprinkled raspberry donut ever again.

*****

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