You Say "Redneck" Like it's a Bad Thing

I would like to state for the record that I grew up around a bunch of rednecks, and I have nothing but affection for that Nascar-loving, deer-hunting, Coors-ball-cap-wearing crowd. That said, I'm pretty sure they should never be allowed to plan their own weddings.

Exhibit A:

I have no words.

Exhibit B:

I have words, but none that can be repeated in polite company. Egads, man, the hoof! I don't even want to know what that is inside it - just tell me it's not the cake server, please. [shudder]

Exhibit C:

"We are gathered here today to join this man, this woman, and this truck in holy matrimony..."

Exhibit D:

For a "shotgun wedding" perhaps? (Ba-dum-bump!)

And finally, Exhibit E:

Hey, look, an actual bride and groom topper - no deer heads! Oh, but there IS a deer...and the bride's toting a shotgun...and I'm suddenly in the mood for fruit roll-ups. Huh.

I'm actually a bit disappointed that I couldn't find a Nascar-themed wedding cake. Anyone have one to send me? C'mon: it'll be therapeutic!

Thanks to Chris M., Melody H., Jacy D., and both Anony M.s for their expert Wreckporting!

Every Breath You Take...

This was ordered by a medical center to celebrate their Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetists (CRNAs, see?). The bakery no doubt felt very clever outfitting the nurses with giant mallets in addition to the needles ("the better to knock you out with, my dear"), but when you couple those with the stalker-ific inscription:

"Every heartbeat...
Every breath...
Every second...
We'll be watching."

...the creepiness factor pretty much goes off the hilarity scale.

Submitter Anony M. would also like me to point out the giant crack down the middle where the two cakes were cemented together, the black and yellow icing bleeding into each other, and the fact that this cost $150. That may all be true, Anony, but in my mind any cake that lets me reference old Police songs is well worth someone else's hard-earned money.