Barking Up The Wrong Cake
April 11, 2018 So there I was, looking through thousands of awful wedding cake pics - as one does on a typical Tuesday night (WHAT) - when I started to notice an odd trend: tree cakes.
I don't mean the beautiful blossoming vines we see so often:
;)
Loverly.
And I don't mean stump cakes, which Jen has devoted a whole tag to in iPhoto because we have that many:
;)
Stumperly.
No, I mean a dead tree plastered up the side of a wedding cake.
Like this:
;)
We really don't get enough opportunities to eat things the color of wet concrete.
Sometimes, in an effort to make the tree look slightly less dead, a baker will add "leaves":
;)
Or "flowers":
;)
"It just so happens this tree is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead... and all dead.
"Now hand me that knife, and we'll split the difference."
My favorite, though, is the baker who opted to liven up a dead tree with polka dots:
;)
They're just so festive. In a pox-like kind of way. (Pox-ish?)
Like a festival of pox.
Woowoo!
Tell you what, bakers, why not stick to what we know? Simple, beautiful, blossoming vines.
;)
Okay, maybe these could use a few polka dots.
Thanks to Amy L., Allison N., Daniel & Kim, Katy G., Layne L., Jon D., & Linda N. for branching out.
*****
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Reader Comments (21)
For me, it's that chunk of firewood that makes #4 there REALLY special. I so wish I could listen to the thought process of the person who decided that was a good idea.
On the other hand, #5 may be the most well-executed cake I've ever seen in a weekday post. Too bad they decided to paint on the cake with poo. <<hurk>>
There's got to be an inspiration cake out there that's amazing and beautiful, right? Otherwise I just don't get why anyone would ask for this. Actually, I don't think it makes sense under any circumstances.
The idea behind a tree cake is that the tree is supposed to be growing, and going UP. Not chopped down and leaning against the cake.
Those cakes look as though they were decorated by a bored three year old. O_o
Did anyone else immediately see the Delia Deetz sculpture from "Beetlejuice" when looking at cake #3? Looks like it's giving those ghostly white tiers a big 'ol hug!
Is the polka dot cake an homage to Chicka Chicka 123? If so, they've forgotten the numbers, and two of the apples are covering up a crack the size of the Grand Canyon.
A pox, a pox, how delightful, a pox.
Frankly, that bakers can keep churning out these wrecks has me stumped. I wonder what their incompetence stems from? Maybe they should just branch out into other kinds of decorating and leaf making tree cakes alone. Maybe they even thought by putting flowers on some of them that their business would blossom. If a baker had presented me one of these cakes, I might have torn him limb from limb. No matter what these bakers think, these cakes are not oak-ay. I wouldn't be surprised if some customers uttered profanities when they were given these wrecks, like "son of a beech". Willow these wrecks never ceases? I pine fir the days when cakes were done by real professionals. Maybe we could stuff these bakers in a trunk and let it go at that.
Maybe it’s just me, but the polka dot “tree” cake looks like an octopus trying to juggle.
That last one is not vines, nosiree. It looks more like random Hebrew letters/characters applied haphazardly to the sides of the cake. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
And it looks like that 4th cake is on top of a stump cake FTW
Mike- I'm very impressed!
Was comment from Princess Bride?
I just always wonder, who say's "YES! I CAN MAKE THAT FOR YOU!".. and the get a green light and at the end ... it needs an ambulance. Who? I ask.. who?
*A customer enters a bakery in a swish of dark skirts and ruffles..*
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
Wreckerator: We're closin' for lunch.
Customer: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this cake what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Wreckerator: Oh yes, the, uh, the tree cake...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?
Customer I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. The tree is dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Wreckerator: No, no, it's uh,...It's a Spring cake, an' ever'body knows trees look like that in the Spring!
Customer: Look, matey, I know a dead tree when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Wreckerator: It's not dead yet! It's just pine'in for the forests of the fjords! Look, we'll just go back a bit and add some leaves! That'll make it right quick smart.
*A groaning, wheezing sound, followed by a heavy thump, fills the air.*
Wreckerator: See, told'ya didn't I? The leaves make it perfect!
Customer: The leaves don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
*The Customer slams her fist down, striking the cake and splattering tons of frosting everywhere.*
Wreckerator: Now look what you've gone and done! This wasnae a squash cake for yer wee babbie's first birthday y'know! *points to a sign* Our policy is "you break it, you bought it". Now clear off!
*The Customer produces a short black rod topped with a red ball and points it at the Wreckerator. A brilliant flash of light emerges, and a miniturized Wreckerator falls to the floor.*
Customer: *mutters to self* Well, I had a lovely afternoon of tea and cake planned, but I probably couldn't get her to come round anyway. She hasn't trusted me through thirteen incarnations; I doubt this one will be any different.
What the...? How the...? Oh dear Lord.
For Easter this year, I didn't dye any eggs. I pulled out leftover decorating flotsam, like stickers, and did that instead. Some of the hard-boiled eggs were cracked, so I put stickers over the cracks. I think the polka dot tree decorator copied my style.
Also, that last cake sort of looks like it's covered in stylized Hebrew. Either that, or it's an "early bird catches the worm" representation. But I do like the bluebird toppers.
@Nancy1745 Loved the Monty Python sketch reference!
If there is contest for pushing over a multi-layer cake, the tree on the polka dot cake is winning by a big margin. Go, tree, go!
Lol oh man all the scary poo colored trees. Or painted with poo either way not a tree to be found here lol.
@Nancy1745 & @Mike ... And the Doctor Who reference.
Wowser! The pick of the litter is that concrete bunker tree. It takes effort to make it that EXACT shape, and do it with such purpose.
The #2 messy stump cake could have been redeemable had the decorator used solid color butterflies and flowers that were a bit bigger. Yeah, it's still a semi car fire, but it could have morphed into OkayLand
With a 50% divorce rate, I guess semi ded trees make sense.