Somebody, PLEASE, Explain The Green Beans
March 27, 2018 'Twas the week before Easter, and all through the bakery
The Bakers plopped plastic and all kinds of fakery
;)
The chicks were wrapped snugly, each in her shell
;)
;)
;)
"Too tight. TOO TIGHT!"
While visions of killer buns
turned sleep... into hell
;)
"SOOOOOON."
Then out from the aisles
came a shriek, filled with hate!
So we set out our green beans:
;)
And decided to wait.
His face looked like spiders
;)
His ears, flaccid tubes
And when he turned 'round...
hang on, are those boobs?
;)
His eyes were insane
;)
His mouth smeared with drool
;)
which dripped when he laughed
like blood in a pool
[shudder]
Then I heard him exclaim
ere he killed all the lights
;)
"Hoppy Easter to all
and to all, a good fright."
;)
"Jolly Rancher?"
Thanks to Angela F., Kaci M., Tara F., Rick H., Amy Jo, Lisa J., Christina, Kelli M., Amber P., Stephen D., Lori W., & Mia C. for the hare-raising tail.
*****
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Reader Comments (29)
Many years ago, I was in a commercial for a product ; Deep Dried Fried Onion Bits. They were supposed to be sprinkled on Green Bean Casserole; a must-have staple of American Thanksgiving feasts. The commercial was being filmed in Toronto. None of us in the cast could figure out why this dish, which consisted of instant mashed potatoes covered in a layer of boiled green beans was so essential to the dinner. I can't think of anything more bland and tasteless.
Perhaps this is part of the same traditional holiday feast "treat".
And this, parents, is why you should never give a bunny as a present to your kids at Easter. It will just give them nightmares. (I'm waiting for someone to make some kind of horror movie out of this. Or maybe it's already been done).
I have a real problem with that last one. It may say "Easter Bunny" on the basket, but that ain't no bunny. I'm trying to figure out if it's supposed to be a very dirty sheep, a sheepdog, or as Bugs Bunny said, a wolf in cheap clothing.
BTW, Jen, great poem parody. And in regards to the explanation of the green beans, accept the fact that there are just some things that defy logic and therefore cannot be explained. (Like all these wrecks).
OMG, I can't breathe!
And the green beans...as if not confusing enough, set with a spoon and a knife, the two pieces of flatware you wouldn't use to eat them, and no fork???
Brilliant adaptation. Terrifying cakes!
The placement of the egg on the first flotsam cake is . . . interesting.
Ahhhh! The bunnehs will eat your soul! (Somehow this post reminds me of Donnie Darko. Hum.. can't put my finger on why.... :)
Oh man, that last one…Easter Bunny for the undead?
(Don't take his candy! DON'T TAKE HIS CANDY!!!)
Also, that one egg appears to have snuck in from the baby shower cakes...
TEARS down my cheeks from laughter...BRILLIANT POEM PARODY JEN! but of course! Laughing so hard, I'm choking and my coworkers are asking me if I'm okay. No worries I told them, just enjoying my daily dose of Cake Wreck goodness from Jen! That being said, I have just recruited 3 MORE CAKE-WRECK-A-HOLICS.
Omg bunny will eat meeeeeee D:
To Shirley...
Yeah, mashed potatoes covered in boiled green beans isn't an intentional part of anybody's meal for any day (let alone a holiday!)
Green Bean Casserole is green beans with condensed cream of mushroom soup (or at my house, bechamel with sauteed mushrooms) then topped with crunchy bits of fried onions. It *is* a mainstay at many holiday tables, and it's good in that "I can't believe I like this" kind of way.
It would have been far less confusing had the food people themselves known what they were doing!
If that bowl of green beans is actually a confection of some sort, it's the best thing we've seen in eons! And the less said about the final monstrosity, the better. Thats' the stuff of nightmares!
The first bunny up there is way too smug about showing off her pretty, blue... egg. ;-)
Shirley: I think the commercial you took part in was very, very confused. Green Bean Casserole should not include mashed potatoes in any way! It’s simply green beans, cream of mushroom soup, and then the crunchy onion topping. (I honestly don’t know why it’s a Thanksgiving staple here in America, because it’s absolutely disgusting.)
Photo # 10 = the cake version of:
https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Drb2i8gj4to/WPHi1gD6bHI/AAAAAAACpIo/pM7-GDZWksIP3rNm8dPbrRCCCMF0eZjbQCLcB/s1600/terrifying-easter-bunnies-21.jpg
That last one made me gasp... in horror? fear? but gasp I did. The green beans are like cookies for Santa.. but.. in a bowl ? w flatware? "Bunnies don't need no stinkin flatware"...
Mike, there was the movie Night of the Lepus. It had large killer rabbits and Dr McCoy from Star Trek!
I'm pretty sure the green beans with almonds on them are considered a traditional side dish for Easter feasting in some parts of the US :-). Doesn't mean they look particularly appetizing in this rendition, though.
When I saw the headline about green beans, I thought, "There CAN'T be any green beans; this is Cake Wrecks!"
What was I thinking? I should have listened to Jen. Anything is possible with Cake Wrecks!! :-D
To Brittany: I agree. I also think Green Bean Casserole is disgusting. After several classmates raved about it one year, my sisters and I begged our mother to make it - but that was the first and last time green bean casserole ever made an appearance on any of our holiday tables...
I remember drawing a little cartoon bunny and getting the same response from my sis: "Are those boobs?"
Well this would make a great horror movie lol.
Maybe the people making the green bean commercial used mashed potatoes as a stand-in for the mushroom soup because they'd hold up better under the hot lights of the filming set? Maybe?
Ah, Easter, with its irresistible mix of rabbits, eggs, and bloody lingering death. It was all a bit confusing for me as a small child - I thought that Jesus laid chocolate eggs that hatched out rabbits, which was just one more of the miracles that he worked.
That first cake, though, it's put a song in my head that just won't go away until I exorcise it by transcribing it:
I have a cake, I have a rabbit - huh, rabbit cake!
I have a cake, it looks like a pineapple - huh, pineapple cake!
Rabbit cake,
Pinapple cake...
...huh!
Cake-rabbit-pineapple-cake!
(with grovelling apologies to Daimaou Kosaka)
Green bean casserole is delicious not disgusting.
Bring me The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch!
Glad to know I wasn't the only person who thought the first bunny looked very proud of their egg.
I can't stop seeing the second bunny as anything but bondage bunny. :-P
The green beans are weird, but the cupcakes masquerading as hot cross buns were my favorite. Despite being a bakery, actual hot cross buns must have been too much work.
The last cake made me happy in a weird way, it reminded me of one of my favorite childhood books, How Fletcher Was Hatched. It's about a dog who ends up in a giant egg to impress a girl. (I know -I'm just gonna blame it on the 70's.)
Forget the green beans. What is that 3rd thing? Just fondant without cake? Where is the cake? And someone please explain the meaning of the cakeless frosting to me. Please?
And Bob is *still* looking for his lunch..(green beans anyone??)
A Classic!
That first pic looks like the bunny has a blue boner!
The pink bunny really looks as though someone started on an "internal female reproductive system" cake (fallopian tubes, uterus) and quickly repurposed it as a bunny.