My Other Blog

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Bridal Terrors

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret** to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:


And, in the baker's defense...

...that is most definitely a C.


Jei gave this picture to the head "chef" at a "luxury" beach "resort":


And she got...this:

I can't decide which is classier: the oozing cake or those water bottles.

Do you think the bride had to spring for those? [chortle]


Candice F. wanted this mushroom cake:


And her baker's interpretation?

Aw, those bakers: such fun guys.


Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:


And, to be fair, what they got did leave them stunned:

I would ask what happened to the flowers, but those squiggles have left me speechless.


And finally, Christie D. wanted her cake to look just like this, only with silver ribbon:

Pretty simple, right?


Well, here's an interesting factoid: did you know that "silver ribbon" can be translated as "duct tape"* in some bakeries? It's true. Here's proof:

That's "35 years of experience" right there.

So I'd hate to see what only two decades' worth would look like.


Thanks to brides Amanda C., Jei, Candice F., Joanne & Elena C., and Christie D. for making me feel better about my $80 Publix wedding cake.

*Note: Not actual duct tape. Duct tape is prettier.


**Loyal Wrecky Henchperson Shannon S. sent in this helpful illustration:

Quick! Somebody give me a clever ferret pun!
(I love my job)



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Reader Comments (29)

That last one has got to be one of the worst wrecks ever, mostly because it looks like they didn't even try!

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterHeather

It's also amazing how "silver ribbon" can translate to "you know the flowers - a major highlight of the cake? Yeah, don't bother with those". English - such a multifunctional language.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

Maybe I've become inured after seeing so many wrecks, but the cake with the green orchids doesn't look that terrible to me... Sure, the cake is sweating (probably because of humidity at the location), and the flowers are thicker and show less skill than the original, but overall - a league above the sloppy messes it's surrounded with :)

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterOr

How long did it take Shannon to ferret out that image?

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGoose

why is cake #2 so shiny and wet looking?

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAbbey

The first one looks like a case of wish vs budget.

There's nothing wrong with the second cake or the water bottles.
Bottled water is served at beach resorts, especially where tap water isn't safe for consumption.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterH

I could give you a ferret pun, but that wouldn't be ferret all.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered Commentertiassa

Well, OBVIOUSLY, these bakers never had the intention of ferreting over their designs. Best I could do for now.

I absolutely LOVE your site, and as a baker myself and KNOWING I am no where near as skilled as the real professional bakers, keep my freshman decorating skills in the sights of only my children and husband - as my children just want to eat the cakey goodness and my husband KNOWS he sleeps beside me at night lol.

Thank you for allowing my work day to fly by while laughing my laboring, call-center call-taking, desk-ridden behind off.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

I must have seen too many of those because I'm thinking that mushroom cake could have been a LOT worse!

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

Mona was going to ask her little friend in for cheese, but she was posing for her portrait, and didn't have the time ferret.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Christie's baker took "only with silver ribbon " too literally.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterChicago

Mona was going to ask her little friend in for cheese, but she was posing for her portrait, and didn't have the time ferret.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

I don't think the mushroom cake is all that bad. What am I missing?

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterRaybob

Few people know that the long name of the "Mona Lisa" is Mustela putorius furo, which means domesticated form of the European polecat.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMax

I was trying to ferret out the bakers motivation and reasoning but in the end I decided they just wanted to weasel out of the hard work!!

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterbelovedbyHim

It looks like some of these cakes were made while the baker was at a fair riding a ferret's wheel (best I could muster up for my second of the day).

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPamela

I hope one day you have a book of Wedding Wrecks. They are my all time favorite.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

On the mushroom cake, those mushrooms are those little chocorooms cookies you buy pre-made at the store. It bums me out because they didn't even try, just stuck them on there, and some of them are falling off =P The original cake was so much cuter! I think the orchid one's the least offensive of the bunch, but even if slimy cake is to be expected in a humid place it doesn't make it less unappetizing =P

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDarla

As a former ferret owner, I am clearing up some misconceptions. Ferrets are mustelids, not rodents, closely related to mink, otters, skunks, and ermine. Their feces are "logs" not "nuggets". Cheese is not their thing, but they will dance for raisins. Shannon sent in a lovely Francois. The "silver ribbon" mustelid the bride to ferret out the wrongdoer. (just read it out loud, pronounced must-eh-lid)

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJuin

So instead of making the mushrooms, the baker stuck those Asian mushroom candies on the cake. And I always thought they looked like male anatomy not mushrooms.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLG

@sendingtheclowns: Nicely punned, stoat fellow! After all, she didn't want to upset the artist while he was busy at his weasel...

Okay, yeah, my jokes are old and smell funny. I'll just put them back in their box and put the musty lid on it.


September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterStarknight

It looks like duct tape on the silver ribbon cake!

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGinger

Well if someone told you ferret puns were easy to come by...
they mustelied to you.
If that offends...
you should put up your dooks.

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKatherine

I don't know if anyone else noticed, but those mushrooms on the cake look to be Chocorooms snacks from Meiji company? These little Asian snacks? Which are good, but....for a wedding cake?

September 27, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCC

On the mushroom cake, the greenery is clearly supposed to be forest ferns. The wreckorator has gone to a lot of trouble to replace this with parsley, in much too pale a colour, but beautifully modelled. Presumably this was done by a different wreckorator from the one who smoothed on the base icing so badly there's an ugly ring round the base of each tier.

September 28, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMorag

@Starknight: I'm not stout, or a fellow, but I thank you kindly....
I wouldn't put the lid on your box just yet. I hear a few more in you;
And SOMEONE has to take care of the weasle! (Cute little things.)

September 28, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Were you thinking of this? and I agree 2 isnt too bad especially compared to the others!

September 28, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterdiddleymaz

Oh man I feel so bad for the poor brides. And am still glad my cake was fine. Sheesh what are wreckerators even thinking?

September 29, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

It's the "Mona Weasel"!

September 30, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPam S.

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