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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Spider-Man And Elsa Walk Into The Millennium Falcon... 

Amber's twins were having a birthday, and just so we're clear, by "twins" I mean her actual children. Just covering all the bases for you long-term readers. (FLAAAAASHBAAAAACK.)

Anyhoo, since Amber is one of those awesome moms who doesn't make her kids share a cake, she ordered two. First, this Spider-Man design:

...which ended up looking surprisingly good!


Unless maybe you can read:

Why is "Spiders Man" there?
(Spiders Man says: "I'm not even supposed to be here today.")

I like how the baker combined the D and the A, though. Good space-saver.


Well, we can hope Amber's other cake came out OK, right?

Ohhh, hang on, she ordered which design?



Oh, look. Now the mountains are saggy balls with spooge on top.
::bigger sigh::
::that ends with head on keyboard::
::followed by a long moment of silence::


Of course, by now we've seen approximately three metric crap-tons of Frozen wrecks - so let's switch it up a bit and see how Vanessa fared with this new Star Wars design:

Vanessa asked the bakery to make a round version, which they said was no problem.

Uh... Wreckies?


Note Vanessa's hand holding up the cake from behind.

The cherry on top was when the baker who handed her the cake said, "There wasn't any room for decorations," and plopped down a plastic bag with all the ships and stuff in it.



Thanks to Amber S. & Vanessa B. for wreckin' it by the book.


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Reader Comments (39)

The last one looks like the Deathmobile from "Animal House"!

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJuls

Most of the decorations for the Star Wars cake are two dimensional! They only take up vertical space. As for the Millennium Falcon, it should have been used to counter-balance the top tier.… Wait a minute… I'm trying to be logical… with a CAKE DECORATOR! Talk about an exercise in futility!

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterShirley

They say to learn something new each day. Today I looked up and learned 'spooge'. Not sure how I feel about that.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTrista

Nice 'Clerks' reference. How do these bakers have the cojones to present these awful cakes to the people that order them?

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJoJo

UGH!!! All of that black icing! I hope they take pictures BEFORE everyone's teeth are stained.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermiss paper

Wow! The last one looks like a top hat that someone set on a chair and then someone's large maiden aunt sat on the edge of the chair and leaned back.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJodi

Poor Vanessa's Leaning Tower of Putrid (her cake ) is plain pitiful. If that cake had happened to me, I might have been tempted to find *some room* for it somewhere. =^-.-^=

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Seeing the Frozen cake, at first I thought "Oh, maybe those are macarons! Maybe it's the slightly lesser evil of topping cakes/pies with other baked goods!" But then I looked closer and realized, no, those are just saggy frosting balls.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJojo

On the plus side, with that much black frosting, the insides of everyone's mouths... and the rest of their insides, for that matter... will be blue for a week... Wait... Is that actually a "plus side", or am I just desperately flailing, here?

I'll have to stop poking the voices with a Q-tip and ask their opinion...

The voices say I'm flailing. oh, well...

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBADKarma


March 29, 2016 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

She didn't even get the right princess. Sample is Anna and Olaf, she got Elsa. That alone could trigger toddler meltdown!

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDSA

I think those blue "Hey, look, Spidermans" arrows are trying to draw attention away from the writing. Truthfully, I don't see the purpose for those random red lines on the original cake. Someone decided to include only the worst elements of the original cake. Seems about right.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAngelaS

After looking at the first wreck, the jerk* that sits in the back row of my brain started trying to picture a Spiders Georg cake...

(*That's not how I usually refer to him, but I'm being respectful of the comment moderation.)

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterK`shandra

I've got a baaaad feeling about this.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterGingerSnap

I just wanted to thank you for that flashback. It had been way too long since I'd been on that journey.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterEmmie

Here is what I don't understand. How is it that these people actually purchase these cakes?? I would be like sorry I will go get a pre-made sheet cake from another bakery before I buy this.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLetha

"...saggy balls..." ::CRYING::

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterStLMetroMom

On the "Spiders Man" cake, it looks like the d and a in birthday were combined into one letter.

@DSA, the picture spins around. Anna is on one side and Elsa on the other.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAllegra

I really hope Vanessa didn't pay for the falling mountain of ugliness.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisaP.

The instructions are on the back of the small cards the decorator has to request from catalog sales. It tells you the colors and the tips needed to make the cake look like the card. I worked 23 years as a grocery store cake decorators.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAlice

The kids (except for my own) I know would LOVE all of that black frosting. Anything that turns their mouths a different color is awesome. My cake, no frosting, no cupcakes. Of course, that means no cake wrecks for our household. :)

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLouisa

At least Braylee got "Happy Birthday" spelled correctly on her cake. That should count for something....

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLC Lassman

Maybe that's the Empire's patented Conversion Icing: Turning people to the Dark Side frim the inside out.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterChiaroScuro

I honestly don't know what's worse-the "wrecks" or the customers' not refusing them....

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterDebbie

Re: The wrong princess- that decoration has both princesses on it, it spins around. The only positive in all of that...

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterSpamamander

My question is--why does Spiderman look like he is posing for a spread in Playgirl???

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered Commenterblissteach

I ordered the same Frozen cake for my granddaughter's birthday and it was only minimally better. @ DSA the add-on actually spins, Anna is the other side.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Carrico

@blissteach: That Spider-Man pose is clearly intended to have him clinging to a vertical surface rather than a horizontal one -- which proves that even the catalog version og that design is a wreck.

Geeky aside: The rule of thumb is that the names of superheroes ending in "man" are two words, or hyphenated, if they're properties of Marvel Comics (Spider-Man, Iron Man, Ant-Man, Power Man) and one word if they belong to DC Comics (Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Hawkman). Of course, there are exceptions to the rule, but very few.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterBob

When I saw the last one all I could think was, "Why would someone want a crime-scene top hat?" 😧
No room for decorations?!?! Amateur. 😉

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

I haven't seen the lastest Star Wars. Is there a talking Top Hat in it?

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterOldish Lady

Why do people pay for these? As crazy as I think the baker's are that try to actually present these to someone-the ones who accept them vs running the heck away are crazier.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

@Jodi: Your comment reminded me of a song we used to sing at summer camp when I was a kid. It was entitled "My Tall Silk Hat," and the closing verse was remarkably similar to what you suggest.

Wait, was it the comment that reminded me of that, or that third cake?

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

Vanessa is still trying to get the black stain off her skin. I'm convinced that black icing is made of squid ink. When you try to get it out of upholstery, it turns dark purple. Permanently.

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterTriciaL

"saggy balls with spooge on top"

these words to describe a CakeWreck? = AWESOME!

Thank you, Jen! LOVE it!

March 29, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterKW

Oh man I would not have paid for that Star Wars cake lol. It doesn't even look good. Evil wreckerators joined the dark side and won't be back lol.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

Re the saggy balls: First thought was egad, cupcakes on a cake! On closer inspection, they sort of look like Ding Dongs covered with frosting. Why? That awful Star Wars hat has a certain vinyl quality to it.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterNobodee Home

Well with the star wars one...what do u expect when thw customer wants to change the size

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJmik

A wreckerator using Ding-Dongs makes a certain kind of sense.

March 30, 2016 | Unregistered CommenterJMixx

Ripoff Report, the Better Business Bureau, and Yelp are places to let others know which people/places are incompetent so they don't go waste their money. Nowadays it seems anyone with no training and no conscience will hang out a shingle and see who they can fleece. I ran out of humor long ago for this kind of thing.... Hold their feet to the fire, guys!

April 1, 2016 | Unregistered Commentergothchiq

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