Bridal Terrors

A lot of brides like to give their bakers a photo of their dream wedding cake, in the hopes that they might, in fact, get a cake that looks at least vaguely similar.

However, as you long-time readers know, this can be a lot like asking Francois the painting ferret** to whip you up a quick Mona Lisa. Some of the colors might be right, but in the end it's probably gonna be covered in fur and little poo nuggets. (The painting, that is, not the cake.) (We hope.)

For example:

Amanda C. asked for this, only in white and with a C:

And, in the baker's defense...

...that is most definitely a C.

Jei gave this picture to the head "chef" at a "luxury" beach "resort":

And she got...this:

I can't decide which is classier: the oozing cake or those water bottles.

Do you think the bride had to spring for those? [chortle]

Candice F. wanted this mushroom cake:

And her baker's interpretation?

Aw, those bakers: such fun guys.

Joanne and Elena wanted this stunner for their wedding:

And, to be fair, what they got did leave them stunned:

I would ask what happened to the flowers, but those squiggles have left me speechless.

And finally, Christie D. wanted her cake to look just like this, only with silver ribbon:

Pretty simple, right?

Well, here's an interesting factoid: did you know that "silver ribbon" can be translated as "duct tape"* in some bakeries? It's true. Here's proof:

That's "35 years of experience" right there.

So I'd hate to see what only two decades' worth would look like.

Thanks to brides Amanda C., Jei, Candice F., Joanne & Elena C., and Christie D. for making me feel better about my $80 Publix wedding cake.

*Note: Not actual duct tape. Duct tape is prettier.

**Loyal Wrecky Henchperson Shannon S. sent in this helpful illustration:

Quick! Somebody give me a clever ferret pun!
(I love my job)

*****

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Comments

[Que Sara Lee]

What's wrong with the first one? The baker was good enough to add a few extra of those little... knob things, whatever they are.

[Joyce]

Francois was a little disappointed that the smile was still not quite right...

[Di]

I love looking at these. I'm a self taught cake artist and baker and I can't even imagine how people could present cakes that look like this!! Since of them are so easy!! I'm asked everyday to copy pictures, some I can and others I'm up front and tell them I can't do certain things, but honestly.. OMG!!

[Kimberly]

The sad thing is, truly, how easy most of those cakes actually are to do! There's not much complicated there at all!

[Trish]

I would rather buy a Sara Lee cake....these are awful! I've never seen a bakery cake look as bad as these.

[Michelle]

All I can say is...
You get what you pay for! It isn't too hard to pick out the "my friend is making my cake" to the actual professional and even semi-professional decorators. Because you can bust out the latest Wilton character cake in somewhat presentable stars, does NOT mean you can whip up a wedding cake!
Odds are, most of the brides from these cakes had the cakes done for them as 'a gift' from their aunt Suzie or cousin Tilly, otherwise those wrecks would have NEVER seen the cake table! Ugh...
Budget for the cake and understand that the dream cake in the picture you are expecting probably cost more than your dress!