Meanwhile, At Hydra HQ...
June 24, 2014 "Minion! Did you take care of Captain America's shield?"
;)
"Yes, commander! After today, that meddlesome schoolboy won't even recognize his shield."
"Exxxxcellent. Out of curiosity, what did you do?"
"Sir?"
"To Roger's shield. How did you sabotage it? Acid? Explosives? Radioactive vermin? What?"
"Oh. Um, I'm not sure 'sabotage' is the right word, sir."
"Then what DID you do, you fool?"
"Well..."
;)
"YOU IDIOT."
"But, commander, wait 'til you see what I did to Iron Man's helmet!"
;)
"And Thor's hammer!"
;)
"Gah, you're even worse at baking than you are at minioning. Do you have anything else to say for yourself?
"Um... Hail... Hyera?"
;)
"That's it. YOU'RE FIRED."
Thanks to Lauren F., Natalie C., Anony M., & Stephanie Y. for assembling here today.
*****
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Reader Comments (35)
The first wreck looks to me like a face screaming in horror, and I can't say I blame it. Thor's hammer also looks a little... phallic... but that might be my mind residing in the gutter. And the Hail Hyera might be a cake for a company party (they do software and advanced research), so that one might not be a wreck unless it was supposed to say something different.
I think I went to middle school with a guy named Hyera.
At least I can recognize the Iron Man cake/cookie. I think the baker was fairly clever to be able to make a rather oval shape into a recognizable circle.
…So… is Capt. America's new war cry; "Oy Vey!!!"
"When Captain America feels a little chill,
His mom’s chicken soup does the trick just like a pill.
She’ll give him a kiss and a big hug, too,
Then the red and the white and the blue’ll come through.
Soon Captain America’s feeling much less ill.
I heard that Iron Man is a Mormon...
Sung to "Holding Out For a Hero"
Where have all the good cakes gone?
'Cause all these cakes look odd
Did you wreck them purposefully
Poor Roger's shield is flawed
With a helmet like that, poor Tony can't succeed
Thor got hammered late last night. Please, someone intercede!!!!
They wrecked my heroes!
I'm scolding them 'cause my heroes really don't look right
That shield is all wrong
Iron Man is aghast
And Thor's Hammer just gave him a fright
They wrecked my heroes!
I have a feeling that there's gonna be a fight
And I'm pretty sure
Cakes are gonna be strewn
And the heroes will cause Hydra strife...
They wrecked my heroes!!!
Cannot comprehend the stupid.... O_o
The Iron Man cookie cake wasn't so bad all things considered, but "Hail Hyera" is just plain disgraceful!
I read the "Hail Hyera" as "I fail Hyera". It is even better that way.
That extra point on the star (in the first/second one) finally got a laugh out of me.
I've been around here so long that I really shouldn't be surprised when a wreckerator screws up something as simple as that first cake. But. . . . A six-pointed star? With two tiny eyes?
And Thor's hammer looks like a very thick club. A phallic one.
We need a hero to rescue these cakes!
Iron Man looks constipated. Then again, I always DID wonder how you went to the bathroom in that suit... Apparently, he doesn't have to, much.
Iron Man should eat Bran Flakes, the breakfast of...this particular...champion. Or see Iron Doctor.
Pretty sure the first two go together to make Iron Mensch.
No, no, SaraCVT. Iron Man needs to go to Jiffy Lube.
Can somebody explain the Hail Hyera one to me?
[Editor's note- Of course. Hydra is an evil organization in the Captain America comic. I think they were an offshoot of the Nazis or... something. It's been a long time since I saw the movie. There also may have been a freaky looking bad guy. They don't call me "fount of knowledge john" for nothing! john (thoJ)]
I'll just bet that the place making the Cap cookie is one that draws pentagrams on Hanukkah cookies because they can't figure out how to make a Star of David....>_>
I think they got the wrong "iron" in "Iron Man", he's been flattened!
At 3 yrs old, let's hope Isaac is too young to understand or remember this cake. It looks like the baker couldn't make Mjolnir, and decided to go with a claw hammer, but still ended up making a brown wiener instead.
Aye! Verily! It it doth be a double Bifrost of failures!
I think the round Iron Man face is kinda cute. It makes me want to sit down and draw all the super heroes with perfectly round faces.
The Captain America shield? Not cute. Very. very. sad.
Oy vey is right!
I guess from now on we'll need to call John, "(fok) John (thoJ.)"
BEHOLD! Tony Stark, the Last Iron Human! At the end of the world.
@Sharyn- Holding out for a hero cake is so funny. I have tears from laughing so hard. You are the best!
I'm now imagining Captain America with a Jewish mother.
"It's been 65 years, and you still haven't visited me? Have you met a nice girl? Can she cook? Saving the world isn't an excuse not to be providing me grandchildren. Are you eating right? I know how gassy you get when you eat too many lentils."
I wanted to add Yiddish phrases, then remembered I don't really know enough for it to read as natural.
Are you SURE these are professional cakes?
Thanks for clearing that up (fok) John (thoJ). Things are clear as mud now.
@SuBee ~ Thanks for pointing out that very important addition!
That shield just makes me sad. Like, "Lose all faith in humanity" kinda sad. Which is pretty much the exact opposite of the whole Captain America thing.
@Sharyn ~ Now I'm picturing Shrek dressed as Iron Man. It's really not workin' for me. o.O
@Wildmaven ~ That made me snort! AWESOME!
Now people are referring to John (thoJ) as (fok) John (thoJ), in my mind that morphs into John The Fokker!
The Captain American photo reminded me of my husband's groom cake. His mother threw a fit when I refused to have the family's "baker" make my wedding cake (the man's baking left a lot to be desired, not to mention that his cakes made some of the wrecks on this page look beautiful). To appease his stupid cow of a mother, my husband decided to have the "baker" make a Dallas Cowboy-themed cake.
The "baker" not only used turquoise blue frosting (um...yeah, that's Cowboys blue) but also used the star of David as the star on the helmet. I was wondering why my friends kept asking if I was Jewish and if I was, why I had decided on a Catholic ceremony. After seeing the wreck, I understood why.
I thought the cake was hilarious. I'll have to submit a photo soon.
My first thought with the shield was "Cap's converted? That's cool." My second thought was "Wait, that's supposed to be a cookie. All that frosting, on a cookie. Oh ugh."
Because you are all my friends and I want to share...
This is the day that never ends.
It just goes on and on my friends.
Some people started craziness not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue craziness forever just because...
You're welcome :-)
FIDDLER ON THE CAKE WRECK
If I were a wreckerator,
Ladi DA di dA di DA di DA di da di DA di DA!
I wouldn't have to work hard!
LA di DA di DA di DA di DA di DA di DA di DA!
And I'd give captain america
his very own Jewish holiday!!!
Captain Israel was always my favorite OyVenger
@jodee. Thanks for that. I'll be having nightmares of bakery
Customers with singing hand puppets tonight!
Oh Matt, that was wonderfully awful! (You know, it's hard to type when you're giggling.)
Oh man do wreckerators even watch these movies?? Or do they throw ideas into a hat and just pick one? Lol poor Iron Man. Such scary wrecks even Stark would fly away from and quickly.
Matt: that was fantastic!!!
I actually really love Jewish Captain America.
That's... inspired.
They turned that shield into the RAF plane markings (cockade), so this must be the symbol of Wing Commander Shlomo Britain.