Foot In Mouth
May 8, 2014 It's National No Socks Day!
Time to kick off those shoes and socks and bare our soles! Woohoo!
And what better way to revel in the glory of all our freed tootsies than with a little cake, amirite?
[cranking up Footloose]
Hit it!
;)
AAAUAUUUGGH!!
I didn't mean LITERALLY!
I have a feeling the rest of these are going to be equally unpleasant, guys, so you, uh, might want to put the coffee down.
;)
Ooof.
;)
Arrrrggh.
;)
Hurk!
;)
OH COME ON!
;)
[Breathing deeply through nose]
Maybe if we just scroll faster...
;)
ACK.
;)
EEEK!
;)
NooOOOOOoooOOOO!!!
****
Oh, we're done?
PHEW!
Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Thanks to Teya, Jessica M., Breanna, JB, Mike R., Rachel B., Sam H., Anony M., & Anna I. for really socking it to us.
*****
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Reader Comments (63)
ok, best post for appetite control ever... Thanks! I think....
Tiptoe through my two lips
If I notice you, THEN I'll scream
So tiptoe, through my two lips
Tootsies.
Oh, dear heavens.
Yes it was. It was bad. Heather was right - best appetite deterrent ever.
So, so wrong...
The beautifully moving poem, "Foot-Cakes on the Screen"
One night I dreamed I was scrolling across a screen on my PC.
Many horrific cakes appeared before me.
.
Suddenly I noticed foot-cakes on the screen.
Sometimes the cakes made me vomit, other times I was only squeamish.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, Cake Wrecks made me laugh joyfully, so I said to Jen, “You promised me Jen, that if I followed you, you would entertain me always.”
But I have noticed that during this, the most trying minute of my day there has only been one set of foot-cakes on the screen. Why, when I needed you most, have you posted these for me?”
Then Jen replied, “What the hell are you complaining about? I run myself ragged finding ridiculous photos of incredibly messed up cakes so that you can start your day with a laugh and the one time I post something that makes you a wee bit nauseous you start complaining and spouting really bad “poetry!” What the wrong with you, woman? You like tasteless baby shower cakes but feet make you sick? Well, that’s not my problem. You need to deal with your issues and stop being such a whiner.
Allelujah...
Why?! Why would someone order a foot cake for a birthday?! Or any occasion really?? I just don't understand, how do feet and celebrations connect?
I suspect that the stories behind some of the cakes would make for good reading...
O:
D:
*sliiiiides breakfast burrito to the far side of the desk*
each one is a definite deterrent to putting your foot in your mouth......
Wow! And...yikes!
The one with all the green grass looks more like a grasping hand.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
If all cake looked like these, I'd be slim as a whip!
Thanks for kick-starting that diet I needed...*shudder*
Gross, but some of them were well done O_o
As icky as these are, I would LOVE to know the back stories....some of them have got to be pretty darn funny
What the freak is #6 all about???? No wait -- I don't want to know. Really. Don't tell me.
Hrk!
The "Happy Birthday Little Geek" cake looks pretty good next to the other cakes. No fungus, weird toes, missing toes. The bronze finish makes it look more like a statue's foot than a real one.
But what is with the woman (nurse?) kneeling on the giant, fungal, corned foot? Is she washing it? Laying hands to cure its ills? Worshiping the Great Giant Fungal Foot?
Still wondering when birthday wishes and feet with fungus were a thing.....
Is #1 what happens when you were shoes made from wicker? (Or is it just me?)
Let's all take a minute and appreciate that #2's name is Dr. Pachman! Pac Man! That's awesome!
I find it oddly appropriate that I'm reading this just as I've put up my very sore feet after a busy day at work...
I'm sorry, but those were just disgusting!!! Gaaag
WHAT would ever possess someone to want a cake like any of those??? I truly wish I could unsee them.
That was a painful post to scroll through
Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!
My oldest has a scar on the top of her foot from an idiot boy who was practicing his knife throwing abilities. It looked a lot like that first one. o.O
Our family welcomed a sweet baby boy last night! I get to go snuggle little Liam Michael on my lunch break today! I LOVE being an Auntie!
What on earth is that first cake even sitting on?? Looks like dog food!
*hurk*
Why?????
Usually I read the comments and check back against the cakes to see if I agree (or to see things I missed the first time around). This may be the first time I rushed through them and couldn't bear to look at them again. And I'm a long-time reader and Jen sets a high bar for this sort of thing. But...foot fungus cakes? An amputated toe cake? Ewwwwwwww.
Random thoughts:
When I was fifteen, I nearly cut off my second toe on my left foot (being a typically stupid teenager), giving me a scar that lasts to this day (I'm 43). My second toe actually curls up slightly over my big toe. But I can't imagine the occasion that would make me order a cake resembling it.
Blech!
Can you imagine saying, "I'd like a slice of the little piggy, please."
I now know why none of those feet wanted socks on them.
@Jodee, congracturations on being an Ant! That's the best job--at least in our house. My twins' Aunt takes them to the mall, paints their nails, takes them swimming, gets them all hyped up...and delivers them back to me. But we love her.
Little Geek, Hoof and that mind boggling sixth cake. I'm VERY impressed and equal parts disturbed and envious.
Not eating those.
Yikes! Fungus nails, hammertoes, warts--you mean (a) someone actually wanted a cake like that and (b) someone could stand to make a cake like that?
I was wearing flip flops when I looked at these. I now have socks on.
blargh.........
I'm a nurse. I've seen all of these IRL and worse. You don't scare me.
I guess you have to be a Podiatrist to appreciate these cakes. Blech!
No Jen, it wasn't that bad. IT WAS WORSE!!!
@Tammy: Ooo, tough crowd. I'll have you know that the 'CVT' in my name refers to 'certified veterinary technician'. We do just about everything the vet doesn't do. I've even closed up (routine) surgeries a few times. My specialty, though, is emergency care. Yeah, I've seen worse than this, too. But would I want to EAT a cake made to realistically resemble a golden retriever whose head had been run over by a lawnmower or a python stuck in the forehead with a screwdriver and then left in a box to die? (Both real cases.) Most probably not.
Just because you've SEEN them doesn't mean you want to partake. (And both survived. :)
Congrats to your family Jodee!
And, may I say again, (with regard to the cakes), EEEWWWWW!!!
I'll be coming back to this post later on since I have to do a fast. It should be Put Socks On Day instead. I wonder if people actually plan on eating these cakes. I guess if you're blindfolded it could work.
@SaraCVT ~ I'm sure little Liam's daddy won't mind at all I take him to get his nails done ;-) Might wait a few days though. I will admit, however, being an Auntie does have the distinct advantage of doing all the stuff I would probably never do with my own kids for fear of the long term effects of things like cookies and chocolate cake for breakfast.
@SuBee ~ Hope everything's ok in your corner of the world!
Missed one!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=445965644785&set=a.433206689785.216282.578069785&type=3&theater
I'm a nurse, also, and find these amusing. My problem is that the writing on cake #7 looks purulent (like pus). Sorry guys. Just makes it that much grosser.
I wore flip flops for the first time this summer today. I didn't even realize.
Also, eughkoghok!
I agree with Daphne. It was bad. So.Very.Bad. golf claps for you. and a couple of hurks.
Had to laugh out loud at the first one. I did that, to myself, when I was four or five, with a pitchfork. Right foot, right there at the little toe!
All the rest, yeah, they make my stomach queasy.
Cake #2 appears to be for a goodbye party for a podiatrist. So that explains it, if not excuses it.
That first one, though? WHYYYYYYYYYYY?
I would like to know if the foot-as-birthday cake is an expected joke for the birthday peeps or if it is some sort of "fun" surprise.
"HURK" is right.
This is congruent with the Venn diagram of: left side = things you shouldn't laugh at, right side = things I think are funny. Intersection = reason I'm going to hell.
Just saying. Love the gangrenous looking one. Oy.