What's Mold Is News Again
February 25, 2014 MOLD.
;)
The silent killer that lurks in your pastries.
;)
Lurking, like a silent killer... WHO LURKS.
;)
Yeah, like that.
Mold is responsible for untold deaths, dismemberments, and icky gag-fests the world over.
;)
Plus it's gross.
But who is to blame for this malicious fungus of death?
;)
[picture of grim reaper wearing a baker's hat]
We went right to the source, to ask the tough questions and get the exclusive answers that only Wrecks News can provide.
;)
[video of well dressed woman running toward random baker]
"Sir! Can you tell me why your bakery hates America? And children? How many American children have you personally dismembered? Is it true you perform deadly experiments on the state park pigeons? What's up with that, you sicko?
"Hey, come back here!!"
;)
[turning to face camera]
"Well, there you have it, my friends. Bakers hate America. Back to you, Sally!"
Thanks to our wreckporters Chris H., Rane M., Jill H., Amy S., Jessica B., Kate K., & Tami F.. Coming up next: can cake make you skinny?! The new diet sensation sweeping the nation!
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
Reader Comments (41)
Just when I was wavering and thinking about going to the snack shop for a mid-morning treat.....GREAT timing, CW! Thanks for helping me stay resolute.
I wonder if they'll at least knock 50% off the price of these moldy oldies?
Sung to "Goldfinger"
Mold lingers (mwa, wa, wa) Silent killer
That lurks in your pas-ter-ies
Not taste-er-y
Why does mold linger?
Untold deaths, gag-fests and dismemberin'
And. Much. Chagrin!!!
Fungoid strawberries cause you such fear
So don't eat them, the answers quite clear
'Cause a moldy bun, will make you pissed, sir
People haters deep in our midst, fer
Mold lingers....
I'll just bring my own bag of Dark Chocolate Milanos, thank you very much.
I know it's obscure, but just in case anyone remembers Bob Fosse and All That Jazz or Peter Allen or Hugh Jackman as Peter Allen (mmm Hugh Jackman,) sorry, I present
Everything Moldy is News Again
When wrecked cakes were mellow
And white frosting turned to yellow
No need to remember when
‘Cause everything moldy is news again
Bakin’ in a filthy, grime filled kitchen
That green hamburger is really bitchin’
Swans swim in a rank pig pen
‘Cause everything moldy is news again
Get out your Lysol, your bleach and a mask
What growing there? You just had to ask
Moldy berries and Sponge Bob’s shame
I’d rather starve than play this hunger game
Don’t throw that cake away
Some fool might buy it some rainy day
And give ideas to our old friend Jen
When everything moldy is news again
@SuBee: Woot!
Better mold than what you just THINK is mold. Ew. http://abcnews.go.com/US/man-bites-birthday-cake-finds-dead-rat/story?id=22641849
I can sort of understand the moldy strawberry on the cake, if the cake had been in the fridge for more than a day. But the rest -- do these people really stand back when they're finished decorating and think: "There! That's attractive!"
And Sharyn: mwa, wa, wa is going to be going through my head all day and making me smile. Thanks! Much better than the other night when I saw the new Nike commercial and then tried to go to sleep with the theme from "Underdog" playing in my head.
Go SuBee and Sharyn! (And, darn you Sharyn, now I can't get Goldfinger out of my head!)
I'm totally with bassgirl -- this post will help me stick to my diet today.
I'm always curious as to WHY people have things lying around such as moldy wedding cakes? Is it Miss Haversham's? Did the happy couple break up at the altar and there was no reception? Is there a secret vault somewhere filled with moldy, forgotten cakes? Enquiring minds want to know!
I was thinking how pretty cake #3 would be without the creepy baby, but then I remembered that those aren't supposed to be flower petals and now I just feel disturbed and not very hungry for cake.
The new cake diet is only legit if it involves a weird trick.
Jen:Funny as These Cakes:Disgusting.
Hrk
Well, as Alton Brown (and who am I to argue with someone who successfully pitched a cooking show by saying only "Julia Child. Mr. Wizard. And Monty Python's Flying Circus."?) says, "Mold are fungi. That's why they get invited to all the best parties."
But some invitations you need to turn down.
I'm sorry. You lost me at the line about experiments on park pigeons. Because ALL I could thing about was Tom Lehrer's song "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park".
For the uninitiated:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY
*hurk*
For some reason, most edible cakes don't bother me (intellectually at least), but ones that should just NOT BE EATEN... *shudder*
@Sharyn: lol...well played! You never cease to amaze -- or amuse -- me!
@SuBee: spot on! to funny! and I love "All That Jazz"...some great music and fantastic dancing...time to watch it again....
I'm almost pretty much at least a teensy bit not unsure that what looks blackish on the "moldyhungergames" cake might actually be due to the sprinkles. I've known since first grade that you can make a dark brown with red, blue, and yellow. Black food coloring is iffy, but an almost-black is possible, through the marvels of science, chemistry, and maybe (or not) the folks at McCorm-ick. =^+.+^=
Thanks guys, I just stopped throwing up like a day and a half ago and now I'm feeling queasy again. Yep, the CW diet plan is working today.
@Sharyn and @SuBee Bravo!!!
Ugh, the first time I saw cakes I did NOT want to eat D:
Personally, I think it's lovely. Too many resistant strains of bacteria out there… we need better Penicillin.
@Ashley, YES!!! I thought the exact same thing.
A very appropriate tribute to Egon Spengler, collector of molds, spores and fungus.
I never realized Mr. Krabs' eyes were green before. He really ought to get that checked out.
Who doesn't love a moldy cake? The Sponge Bob cake is kinda cute. Yes I confess I'm a wee bit weird. I guess people could close their eyes while eating since those cakes have to taste better than they look.
Oh. EW.
@ jbrecken-Lovely!
@Sharyn - Love, love, love (well, loved) Goldfingahh!
So... How many of these are actual mould, and how many are just ugly cakes? I'm pretty sure the first one is just ugly, but I'm not sure at all about the mockingjay one.
Loved The Hunger Games Cake.
I'm confused... Is that real mold or decorations gone wrong?
Too many great comments to mention. We need a comments "like" button. Is that a possibility?
Gabriella's cake made me think they were going for an Anne Geddes look, but didn't quite get it right, but at least it wasn't moldy as such.
Well I know a way cake can help you lose weight. Just put mold frosting on it and you are all set blech! That peeping baby cake might give me some nightmares though. Plus mold this should make my night interesting lol.
#3 A still from the forthcoming Little Shop of Horrors -- The Bakery Department.
Does this have anything to do with the rat in the birthday cake in the news this week sometime?
Why is Gollum popping out of Gabriella's birthday cake?!
Anyone else think the baby on (in?) the third cake looks like Gollum?
Anyone else concerned that the "hamburger"cake doesn't know what flavor it is? White. No! Chocolate. No! Aaahhhh!
That "Do not touch!" sign behind #3 pretty much sums it up!
I was not liking the cake but if I ever get a chance I would like to make it on my own. Tell me the recipe please.... :)
#3, I just see one of Anne Geddes' subjects moments *after* she snapped a 'peaceful-infant-bizarrely-crammed-into-a-flower' pic. I can't say the 'gently opening petals' analogy did anything for me in labour, maybe it did for the 'flower power' generation?
I totally read this in Robin from How I Met Your Mother's voice.