The "Danger" Is My Penis
July 26, 2013 Parental Note: In case the title didn't give it away, today's post is not appropriate for children. It's still safe for work, though.
Hallo, my succulent little cyber love bunnies. I... am Carlos Danger. And I have something to show you.
It's my wiener, doing a little dance. IF you know what I mean. [winkwink]
;)
Oh, were you expecting something else? Something more... personal? Well, I'm sorry, my virtual vixens of viscosity, but I don't do that anymore.
That's right, I have changed my nasty, exhibitionist ways! Again! So, no more texted photos of Mr. Nozzle Nose - no sir! Now I will only be sending photos of pure, innocent, everyday smiley things.
Like these turtles:
;)
Or these carrots:
;)
Or the occasional attentive butterfly:
;)
Or Thanksgiving turkey:
;)
Or Christmas stocking:
;)
Yes, instead of sharing my groinal glory with the world, I've come to appreciate travel:
;)
And shooting hoops with the boys:
;)
Fishing:
;)
And even a little outdoor grilling:
;)
Plus I've taken up baseball again:
;)
Have I mentioned I'm a big Star Wars fan?
;)
I tell you all this, my comely constituents, because I want you all to know that, first and foremost, I am a patriot. A huge, upstanding, balls-to-the-wall, letting-it-all-hang-out, PATRIOT.
So, on behalf of both myself and my talented staff, allow me to end with this:
;)
Oh, and if you could all just slip me your phone numbers on the way out, that'd be swell. Thx.
Thanks to Annette P., Courtney M., Jimmy L., Bijan P., Heather K., Alison L., C., Shelley C., Anony M., Peace, Trish, Gina S., & Jana C. for sharing phone pics we actually want to see. Mostly.
Reader Comments (79)
Uh-Oh, mel! I think sendingtheclowns is giving you some competition...then again, imitation is the finest form of flattery they say... :-)
And kudos to Sir Laffsalot, too! :-)
I thought the phrase was "kicking a man while he was down" and not "poking him while he's"...nevermind.
O.M.G. @ sendingtheclowns the "rescind" post- I roared with laughter!!! bless your heart
@KarateLady:
Thanks for the compliment(!), but I couldn't, and wouldn't, imitate a soul. I is what I is, and be what I be. I expect Mel feels the same way!
=^~.-^=
Oh great. Now when I go to sleep those turtles will probably find me in my dreams lmao. What on earth are they drinking that they can't see what these look like? Must try to stop laughing..
1 always thought it would be wonderful to manage to get it up and stay up. Especially on 1s Wife's Birthday. Oh well, must eat cake instead. LOL!
Oh such a clever little boy.
:0)
@KarateLady: thanks for the kudos...I think I'll have one for breakfast..... :-)
"groinal glory"..... I nearly fell over. Gotta remember that term, whip it out for hubby some time... :P
@KarateLady: I welcome sendingtheclown's return -- she was a regular here a couple of years ago and it's good to have her back. As for competition -- well, I just think we're all here to laugh and have fun. The Swedish film director Ingmar Bergman used the same people in many of his movies, and the same actor could be a hero or a villain, a lead character or a supporting player -- roles changed regularly. Sometimes I think we commenters are an ensemble cast like that -- we are all here to enjoy Jen's and john (thoj)'s and Sharyn's great work, and to add our own comments, and our "roles" change all the time. I think the important thing is to have a good time, to acknowledge and support things we like regardless of who said it. None of us has a monopoly on being funny, and that's good. In fact, I think there is a shortage of clever humor, funny word play and good puns (which, I know, is redundant....) which is why I love this site. So...all are welcome: there is always an equal opportunity for laughter! To paraphrase Cyndi Lauper, "commenters just want to have fun."
Thank you for your posts, your commenter support, and for being part of this happy ensemble!
I handed my iPad with this post to my husband to read while we were sitting in Toontown at Disneyland. He cracked up reading it. But the best part is that some guy walked past behind him and basically saw him looking at "weiner"shaped things at Disneyland. LOL
It amazes me that no one in the media took advantage of the obvious headline for the original story: "Weiner Shows Weiner". But now I am satisfied that someone has run with it. Brava!
@mel:
Hear! Hear! That's what I would have said-- if I hadn't NOT said it. :-) I never would've thought of the Bergman analogy--very insightful! Also love Cyndi Lauper~~hey, maybe we're unrelated siblings who were separated in a time warp...BEFORE birth...
(Do I hear the Twilight Zone theme...?)
=^@.@^=
I wonder if bakers do it on purpose, just to see how close they can get to an actual penis without people complaining
i was wondering the same thing Karen. i figure many of them are either dirty-mined, or very bored.
@ mel, Sir Laffsalot & sendingthedclowns - y'all are most welcome! :-)
@ mel & sendingtheclowns, I do hope y'all realize that I meant my comment as a compliment. mel, you have made many great comments filled with puns! It was neat to see someone else doing something punny that was SO good, I would have thought it was yours until I read the commenter's ID and saw that it was sendingtheclowns! As you said, mel, and as Haiku Joy has assured us that everyone is welcome to write haiku, and Sharyn has encouraged and complimented fellow song parody writers, I too want everyone to feel welcome. :-) (And I was tempted to have more episodes in the bunker with it being re-decorated for each holiday & having escapades but I confess that I worried it would be overkill & go too far. Somewhere around here I have a half-written Easter episode that I might bust out next year...we'll see. ;-)
I recently saw a site where one woman is trying to find multiple uses for her penis cake mold. The stocking and slugger cakes are clearly the same shape. Given the plastic boxes and tags, it looks like actual supermarket bakeries are using penis molds. This is disturbing on sooooo many levels. Yeesh.
@KarateLady:
Dear, dear K-Lady, everything's FINE! Good grief, if this thing gets HASHED over much more, we'll have to fry an entire dozen of eggs to go with it! I personally LOVE hearing about the bunker, and especially about Theardare! Don't you dare even THINK about "overkill" or I'll report you to the authorities for...uh..for...Well, I'll think of something! In the meantime, you just keep on doing what you do! ALL of you! Y'all have no idea how much I missed this "place" when I was without my computer. [MAJOR sad face]> :-( (See?) Yes, this was one of the FIRST places I came back to when I got it back, and it felt almost like "home"--*sniff* .Okay, enough slobbering for one day! Carry on!
=^~.~^=
@sendingtheclowns: it is entirely possible...and yes, I hear the Twilight Zone theme......
@KarateLady: taken as a compliment, and appreciated. Is this a great playground or what! And...bring on the bunker...it is hard to go too far on a humor site that celebrates chocolate poop, sperm-shaped balloons, and pokes phun at phalli....I'll be watching for the Easter episode. :-)
hahahaha Tooooo funny. Needed a laugh. Thank you!!
The first one looks like Mr Hanky, the Christmas Poo
Groinal Glory!!!!!! And I am done!! So Awesome!
Diane
The grill cake is easy: if the spacing, penmanship, and punctuation weren't atrocious it would read: "Happy Father's, Birth-, and Graduation Day." I know this because I have to read my own handwriting, which is why I do not decorate cakes.
It's a shame this cake came out so badly — it's obviously for a man who has a lot going on and deserves a cake!
The carrots *almost* work...if not for the "tips" they'd actually look like carrots instead of weird orange phalluses.
"Reelin' in the big one"...more like "Rubbin' out the Big O" Haw!
And am I the only one who finds Yoda's face creepier looking than his "lightsaber"?
I seriously don't know why Anthony Wiener required the "handle" Carlos Danger. He already has a porn name.
This post had me from the start (chuck in a Doctor Horrible reference, and I'm one happy lady)... and I sniggered all the way through, but I have to admit: Yoda made me lose it. I have not laughed so much in ages!
This post is EVERYTHING! thank you so much!
This is by far the worst post I have ever read on this site. I have been a passive fan of cakewrecks for a while now (passive meaning that I don't comment, but I have seen nearly every post) This site is funny and fascinating. I love what y'all do. Usually. Out of every page that I have read, this is the only one that I would scrub from my brain if I could. Either I have poor taste or the author of this particular page does.
[Editor's note: I'm sorry you didn't like it. -john (the hubby of Jen)]
Thanks for a laughing-so--hard-I'm-crying laugh. Your wit is endless!
Um... is that second one pickles, or are those cabbages?
Lol it took me awhile to figure out that the last one is "erect" not "perfect"
Lols groinial glory well played.