A Cake Wrecks Correspondence
April 25, 2013 "A Typical Day Of John Checking E-Mail"
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Dear [REDACTED],
Thank you for choosing Cake Wrecks for such an important occasion! I'd be delighted to offer you a quote, but first let me show you a few of our most popular Sesame Street cakes, so you can pick out your favorite.
(Please note that for copyright reasons we can't actually call these Sesame Street characters, but I'm sure our versions will look VERY familiar. ;))
"Huge Bird"
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"Oreo Monster"
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"Trash Head"
aka "Mr. Can-'Do"
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And "Petrified Elro"
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Or for a little extra, you can get all four characters together!
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[plastic faces not included]
We also have some new "Bieber-licious" character cookies your son is sure to love:
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Prices vary depending on the cake's size, flavor, and age, so just let us know how many people you'd like to feed and how picky you are about "freshness." Delivery is free within a twenty mile radius, but keep in mind our delivery guy moonlights as a mobile pet groomer, so there's always a SLIGHT chance of pet hair - but really, that almost never happens. (Which reminds me: Billy gives our customers a 15% discount! Just FYI.)
Let me know which cake you'd prefer, and thanks again for choosing Cake Wrecks!
- john (the hubby of Jen)
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Thanks to Todd T, Julie B., David & Debbie B., Jennifer G., Anony M., & Cynthia for actually making it through our contact page without thinking we make all these cakes ourselves.
Reader Comments (90)
At first I thought that was a mustache (until the last picture, when my brain said "Oh, forearms! That makes more sense!). John, you should definitely grow a fu-manchu mustache.
Tease!! I was dying to see which one she chose...
Uhhhh, I think Theardare *might* have done something to @BADKarma. It must have been a cursed shovel. Or the Celine music. We may need to check on @Haiku Joy, too, as she is currently digging her way to the moon. @Jodee: Find something to distract @BADKarma, and I'll try sneaking the shovel(s) back into the atrium shed. *puts on curse proof gloves and cloak of invisibility* Okay, I'm ready!
You are the bright spot in my day!!
What scares me a bit is that I knew right off the bat that a girar birthday is probably actually a *first* birthday, if you assume [REDACTED]'s left hand slipped a bit off the "home keys." G and F are right next to each other, as are A / S and R / T. The "I" is OK because it's the right hand, and they just got lucky with the middle "R" (otherwise it would be a giear birthday, which even [REDACTED] might have been able to figure out is completely wrong).
Maybe I should try for a job as a cake decorator...
I have been sitting here trying to figure out what "girar" was because I actually remember getting an email from someone ordering a cake and that was in it! They were using swype and trying to say "first". Thankfully I didn't make them a "girar" cake. That would've been embarrassing!
I have to say, we should give the baker who took on the squares [plastic faces not included] cake some credit. They understood their limits and worked within them. Yay!
I am not going to lie, I *LOVE* the fat Wonder Woman cookie. I suspect that's just about what I would look like cosplaying her.
I used to like U people. Now I think your just mean. All I wanted was a cake but Im gettin nothing but greef.
And sprinkles...
I actually kind of like the "four square" one. It's minimalistic and cute.
Can you imagine if Jen & John DID make all the cakes simply to support their blog?? Not only is it a lot of work but it makes you wonder why one would want a "wreck"...I mean unless they're a fan & totally get the tongue in cheekness. But the typos make me beleive that tongue in cheeknesses would be lost on this one...
Today is my birthday. I let my children decorate my cake. They are 6 and 5 years old. They did a better job than most of these "professional" cakes. Maybe there's something to consider here? What do the child labour laws in Canada say about allowing children to decorate cakes if we pay them in candy?
It looks to me as though Huge Bird has been secured to the cake with croquet wickets - hence the expression on his face..."As soon as I"m free, I'm outta here!" Does one lucky person (the Bistlxlay boy?)get the slice with the towering bird of icing - cause it's a round cake and therefore it has no corner pieces?
I love the Wonder Woman cookie too! Hugely awesome.
I'm on it @Just Andrea! Oh @BADKarma... Yoooooohoooooo... Over here! Come look at this for a second. It's SHINY! That's right honey, just a little closer. No, it's totally fine if you put down the shovel. It'll be right there when you get back. **nodding** Uh huh. Oh, don't worry about that, it's just ummm... the wind. Yeah, can't you feel the breeze? **fanning frantically** Look! 2 shiny things! Why YES @Haiku Joy, there's one for you too! And bring one of those babies with you, I might need to eat one here in a minute.
**whispering** Hurry UP @Just Andrea!
Haha Then the name of the site would be Cake WRECKERS hm, now, am I right???
I think "Cake Wrecks" is an awesome name for a cake bakery. How easy would it be to exceed expectations there? I can see it going national, nay, INTERNATIONAL, within the year. I suppose you'll want a little something for the use of your name?
Aren't those bw drawings from xkcd.com?
[Editor's note- Hi Wendy. I don't actually know. I've seen them pretty much everywhere for as long as I can remember but I've never seen a source. I did change 3 of them a bit but I'll look around and credit it if/when I find it. Thanks for the heads up! -john]
bahahaah that is so funny i'm gonna die... I work answering phones and sometimes the questions i get make me wish i could answer this way.. xD!
I am in love with that Wonder Woman cookie! She is just so fat and funny! I would pay the $2.20 for that cookie, spray it with something, and preserve it forever.
Was that a real email? Please tell me Jen and John made it up, please, I refuse to believe there are people that oblivious in the world...
Denita: LOL! Isn't there an SCP which actually is a bunch of cakes which duplicate themselves and will drown the world in cake if not eaten? Now that's wrecky.
To. The. Moon.
@chelonianmobile: YES YES YESSS!!! It's great to see another SCP fan :-D And IIRC, the one in question is...*looks it up*...871.
Oh, and your screen nick rocks too. Discworld FTW!
Honestly, the four-squaress one seems less wrecky and more win. Kind of "pop-art" style.
So Theardare has BADKarma speaking in Lolcat? That's my latest interpretation of the last BK comment from yesterday. I originally thought he was collecting shovels, then decided I really didn't want to know why that would be. You know, plausible deniability and all.
If you order a wreck from a wreckorator, do you get a really great cake, or would they take it as a challenge.
BTW, I knew right away those were hands -- that's how I computer, too. Though I have to have a really tall desk, according to some descriptions...
bwahahahahaha!!
I've always imagined j(thoj) donning a flak jacket, helmet and hip waders before opening email. (possibly due to a few I've sent myself. so sorry. truly.)
(hangs head in apology)
honestly, this blog has needed a Hall of Fame for quite some time. we have just found the first inductee.
I love this blog...always makes me laugh. Sometimes it's the only laughs I get in the day. Thanks for being hilarious.
Y'know, I actually kinda liked that colour block Sesame Street cake. The plastic was a bit much, but the idea's pretty solid- there are all those t-shirts that look pretty much exactly like that, and that's them, in cake form!
Eeeee I just looked at Wonder Woman and then I saw the clown cookie.. the horrible clown cookie lol. Wreckerators keep trying to make me not want to eat these goodies but it won't work. I refuse to let them ruin my yummy treats. Even if I have to run that clown out of my brain lol I would still eat those cookies.
Suddenly, the fact that some of the Wrecks we've seen end up on sale isn't such a mystery.
**Sigh** right enough, JTHoJ.
I used to think that computers have made people's grammar and spelling much worse, but then thought "Before computers, I would never have spoken or written to these people, so how would I know?" And even today,I hang out at blogs where the commenters, by and large, are literate and know where the punctuation marks are supposed to go.
Still, I cut bad grammar almost no slack. When I freecycle or do an online auction, grammar and spelling count. Sorry, gang, but any newspaper or magazine demonstrates what it's supposed to look like.
You want some fun? Read through the dog and puppy ads in Kijiji. There, you can purchase a pure bread Bored Colly, all shot and spaded. What a bargian!
I like the 4 color square one. it's simple and cute. I thought John had a long mustache too until I saw Amanda's post. The comments always crack me up too. You guys are so imaginative.
Dear Sue M,
Apology accepted. (We've been waiting for it all this time.)
Sharyn, another brilliant song, as usual. I stand in awe of your talent.
I'd also like to add to Sue M's apology on behalf of all Canadians for the unfortunate release of Justin Bieber into the world. I blame Stephen Harper! If the US chooses to invade us in order to neutralize this threat to world peace, I understand.
Sharyn, another brilliant song, as usual. I stand in awe of your talent.
I'd also like to add to Sue M's apology on behalf of all Canadians for the unfortunate release of Justin Bieber into the world. I blame Stephen Harper! If the US chooses to invade us in order to neutralize this threat to world peace, I understand.
OMG FAT WONDER WOMAN COOKIE RULES SUPREME!
Cheers,
Storm
I know you have a personal vendetta against Wilton for some reason, but these cakes would be even more hilarious to you (and the Sweets more amazing) if you knew a thing or two about cake decorating. Not to sound like I'm trying to sell you something, but my mom used to teach classes at our local Michaels, and a lot of her students went from not being able to fill a piping bag to making cakes so pretty they could open a bakery. I've seen the awesome things you guys can make with power tools and craft supplies, I know you'd be able to make awesome cakes!
I'm with Kayk: I actually sort of like that minimalist Sesame Street sheet cake. But the frosting would have to be buttercream. If the character features were actually puffy stickers with the protective paper still on the back, that would be a bonus for the birthday kid. I know, I know, frosting on toys--but six-year-old me wouldn't have cared!
As a caterer I get several emails a month that look a lot like this....except they always order 150 chicken caesar salads for their Mom's birthday and everything is mis-spelled.....its a scam ! I love that they are so dedicated to the scam that they didn't even bother to check to see if you were a bakery, LOL!
it's these kind of things at a kid's birthday party that lead to childhood trauma, i think
Must have been the carrot riding babies that caught their eye, if you're going to have a cake made it's got to be from a place that puts babies on carrots
Haha, I'm glad I'm not alone in regards to the Wonder Woman cookie-- oof. She's built like a gingerbread house.