WE'RE DOOMED
November 7, 2012 [NOTE: In an effort to be more efficient/lazy, I may have written this post last week. I'm pretty sure you won't be able to tell, though, so forget I even mentioned it.]
My dear wreckies, the end is officially nigh. In fact, I think it's safe to say that the end has never been MORE nigh than it is at this very moment. It is a moment FULL OF END NIGH-NESS.
With President [insert winner's name here] in office, our country will soon be nothing but a moldering pile of Taco Bell wrappers and Snookie CDs. The seas will boil over. The sun will burn. The stars will do crazy loop deloops, but, like, in a really bad way.
Frogs will rise up from ponds everywhere and hippity-hop all over our lawns.
;)
And then they'll eat our daisies.
OUR DAISIES!!
All birthdays will be cancelled, and replaced with "buttdays."
;)
Our new national flag will be a giant flip-flop...STOMPING ON AN AMERICAN HEART.
;)
And perhaps most terrifying of all: a legion of lop-sided zombie Barbie cakes will slide menacingly onward, the better to consume our very souls:
;)
Yes, my friends, with the inevitable campaign of doom and destruction heralded by President [insert winner's name here], our only hope can now be in hunkering down with enormous cases of peanut butter while we await the apocalyptic....uh...hang on...
Did someone seriously make a WEDDING CAKE out of WHOOPIE PIES??
;)
Best. Idea. EVER.
Ok, never mind that other stuff. We're good.
Thanks to Susan F., Debbie A., Anony M., Alexandra, & Gregory H. for putting things back in their proper perspective. Peace, love, and whoopie pies, baby. Awww yeeeaah.
Reader Comments (64)
@TLC: Seconded! However, we would have to have Jen do it in her Lady Vadore costume. Then, we would have to lock Jen in the bunker for about a week with nothing but whoopie pies and a Netflix queue until all her comment replays finally wound down so she would not have to actually SEE herself on TV.
TLC, I second that. I also suggest that political slogans should be allowed ONLY in cake form. Jen rocks!
LOVE the whoopie pie wedding cake. Just awesome. :)
I'm always amazed when someone does such a beautiful, legible job, lending hope to the customer, yet still effs up what is actually said. "Happy Buttday" indeed.
Mie spilling goez dune thuh shoot sumteyems. Gud i, Carol, gud i!
Nephews wedding last year was all whoopie pies. Different flavors with a big one for them to cut. It was great!!
All hail the Hypno-Barbie.... she calls for ALL the sex pies....
@Cloudy, go to www.moonpie.com to see real moon pies. :) Quite the Southern staple, yk. ;)
@TLC she needs to be the ONLY commentator
@Andrea really good point about the replays...
@Emily very funny, lady!
(I hate whoopie pies. Am I still allowed to stay and play?)
@Jen I was kind of expecting a dogs-and-cats-living-together kind of rant at the end but I'm good with cases of p.b. to get me through the apocalypse. This is why you're the one with the blog- you're more original.
Buttday would make sense if she'd had a derriere lift, but 35 of them??
When you make a Barbie cake I think you're supposed to buy a specific type of head from the bakery and not just pull an old Barbie out of the bottom of the toy box.
@Kay, some people have 35 buttocks. I mean, Monty Python documented for us the man with 3 buttocks. It only stands to reason that naturally there would be someone with 11.66 times more buttock than even the . . .oh heck, who am I kidding? I'm going to roll in a pile of my own giggles now.
Around here, they don't call them "Whoopie Pies". They call them "Gobs". And grocery stores often sell "gob cakes," which are either giant gobs or cake with all the icing in the middle. It's so hard to tell the difference.
OMG, Haiku Joy - you know Monty?! Aigh!! Can I stalk you? (In a friendly way..REALLY :-)
"I'm not dead! I'm not dead!"
"HHUUUUGE...tracts of land..."
"It's only wafer-thin..." (wafer-thick? I need to go watch that movie again!)