It's Hatching Men
January 24, 2012 Well, here's something you don't see every day:
;)
[adjusting spectacles and consulting clipboard] Here we have two neanderthal males with questionable chest hair hatching from watery eggs. As you can see, the one on the right has acclimated to the process, while the one on the left is all "AAAAAUUUGGHH!!"
Which is a paraphrase, of course, since in Neanderthal it'd actually be more like "OokalockahoohooGROOOOOOONK!"
Now when I first saw that picture, I figured some lone baker somewhere had gone off the deep end. Which doesn't seem an unreasonable hypothesis when you look at that icing armpit hair.
Then I saw this next one:
;)
So the neanderthal has evolved into a suave grey fox with well-groomed armpit hair and an outie belly button that will give mothers everywhere a coronary, but the question remains:
Why are bakeries making cakes of men hatching out of watery eggs?
Anyone know? Or will this turn into another lamb cakes smoking cigarettes mystery?
Thanks to Kathleen C. for the egg-cellent wreckporting.
Reader Comments (134)
Such a mystery! I (joyfully and faithfully) read Cake Wrecks in a reader, and usually don't click over to read comments, but today I had to. And once again, I'm sorry I was eating my breakfast when I viewed the hairy hatching men.
The only rational (HA!) explanation I can come up with is maybe it's a celebration of "No-Shave November?" I thought the blue blobs were, perhaps, flowers. We girls have pink ribbons and flowers... why not give the boys a giant blue, blobby flower from which to burst like Botticelli's Venus? *shrugs*
Barring THAT, I think the baker is trying to market her new line of "Cabbage Patch Men." Somehow, I don't think they'll catch on as well as their predecessors....
It's something with Orthodox churches, and this was fairly recent (erm 2 weekends ago?). Apparently some part of their teaching involves the men jumping in very very cold water. I'm not sure on why. They may have more logical reasoning to that, but I am not jumping in cold water. I may not be saved as such.
Please,please, PLEASE promise you'll report the answer when you find it!!!!!!!
How come I never see anything this weird in my neigborhood? I do, I assure you, keep a lookout when I am shopping but apparently all the bakers in my area are sane. I have never seen a cakewreck in the field. I have no frickin' idea on this one. Although I liked the idea of Panku.
I refuse to speculate on the third one's 'accessory', except to note that on guys who plunge into icy water, nothing is an 'outie'. So I've heard. See 'Seinfeld' for more information.
Warning: This could turn out to be one of those cultural things about which people get incredibly sensitive and throttle anyone who speaks of said event in less than utterly respectful terms. Not like there really are any such events that are approaching us at the speed of time (cough-cough-Mardi Gras-cough), I'm just sayin'.
Second Warning: Those could be moth eggs. You can't see the wings because they haven't been stretched out yet.
Third warning: These guys may try to sell you insurance. No offense to insurance salesmen; it's a reference to an ad campaign. Really.
@Sharyn I'm not familiar with any cave paintings depicting humans as anything other than stick-figure hunters or shamans. I'd love to see these "mother ocean" paintings. Do you happen to have a link you could share?
Well I googled a little and found a Salvador Dali painting with a man hatching from an egg. So I will go with these bakers are Dali fans..http://1.bp.blogspot.com/__t9IZFbFFcY/SMFFRo_fOnI/AAAAAAAAABc/IzLCsbFkoLE/s1600-h/08.jpg
Or one could simply burst into I am the egg man I am the egg man you are the walrus coo coo kachu..
Or you can look up man egg in urban dictionary.. I'll leave THAT one all to itself..
I'm going with Dali.. it seems Artsy-er
Are you sure that curly thing is a belly button? I thought for sure it was a penis. Maybe I just need an anatomy lesson?
Fellow commenters, I love you all! Sharyn, your brilliance is, well, brilliant. (You are much better with words than I am!) Gary, your limerick made me snort-laugh.
I think the "belly button" is maybe supposed to be an umbilical cord. This must be a cultural thing... I hope someone will enlighten us!!
To the belly button question...do you really think creators of cakes like these think about why a man hatching from an egg shouldn't have a belly button?
I do think this is about baptism.
Here's a link to images of "Pangu." I think we have our man.
https://www.google.com/search?q=pangu&hl=en&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=1PceT7etB_LViAK3nc37Cw&ved=0CDcQsAQ&biw=1024&bih=587#hl=en&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=pangu+&pbx=1&oq=pangu+&aq=f&aqi=g10&aql=&gs_sm=e&gs_upl=17294l17294l7l19125l1l1l0l0l0l0l195l195l0.1l1l0&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_cp.,cf.osb&fp=cef98d2ff9e8f7f1&biw=1024&bih=558
I have no idea, but I can't wait to hear an explanation. The Chinese New Year theory sounds plausible.
@Gary, I loved your limerick!
Want to know something really disturbing? I tried doing a Google Image search on this, where you use the image as your search data. Here's what came back:
"Best guess for this image: first period cake"
Golly, I hope not!
I suspect these are meant to be birthday cakes. (Celebrating the day the now hairy man hatched...get it?) Yes, it's weird, but no weirder than any other possibility.
Who wants armpit hair in frosting? Either rendered or eaten.
Just thinking about someone eating icing armpit hair has helped my diet.
Okay your stuff is normally deliriously funny, however my son topped you on this one. He actuality upon seeing thees cakes that that was the cake he wanted for his Birthday. When I told him "I thought you wanted a strawberry shortcake" (the cake not the toy) he responded "No that's too boring!"
So Jen I give you the target audience for that cake newly hatched 4 year-olds :)
Men in hot water (trouble)?
my first thought was jesus coming out of an egg. you know, for an easter cake.
http://www.aolnews.com/2010/12/15/gimme-shell-ter-chinese-man-evicted-from-giant-egg/
Cause you just never know when you're gonna be evicted from a giant egg.
I am gonna have to agree with (I think) Steph - supposedly those are "manly" raindrops in some horribly sick twist on the "It's Raining Men" song - which I will no longer be able to think of in a remotely appreciative way when finding a large group of attractive men congregated anywhere. The good news is I will likely no longer want cake now. And um, Mr Suave with the pronounced 'outtie'.... um, yeah. No.
Maybe they are being eaten by prehistoric carnivorous blue plants, that would explain the screaming and the neanderthals. Now as to why the baker would memorialize this in pastry form is a question for another day.
Obviously, Mermen. Not so obvious: WHY'D they hack off their tails? Were they bad mermen? Or is this the work of the MMM serial killer??? (Menacing Merman Mutilator)
My ideas...
1) Moses parting the sea (but I can't for the life of me figure out why he's naked)
2) Very adult Baptismal Cakes?
Could it be "raining men"?
My first thought was also Polar Bear Plunge! :-)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polar_bear_plunge
I like the raining men theory. I could see this as a joke cake girlfriends get for each other when someone is new to the dating pool (after a breakup, etc.) because the hairy, mustachioed naked guy with the outie/penis is just the kind of funny thing some drunk women will enjoy cutting up.
and it recycles the Easter egg cake pan.
I'm guessing this is how it went.
Lauren: Hey Jane, boss says we need to make some cakes for the football games this weekend.
Jane: Okay great! What were the teams again?
Lauren: Umm, the Giants, 49ers, Patriots, and some bird team. I can't remember the name.
Jane: Doesn't it start with an R?
Lauren: Yeah.
Jane: and have 5 letters?
Lauren: Yes!
Jane: oooh, ooh, I know, the Robins!
Lauren: That's it! And I have the best idea for a Robins cake!
I'm going with the Orkian theory, too. The first two guys are almost as hairy as Robin Williams.
I'm imagining the fight over who 'gets' to eat the airpit hair piece. I mean, who wants a silly icing flower when you can have a bit of icing armpit toupee?
This suddenly brings a whole new dimension to Eddie Izzard's Cake or Death dilemma. I think I'd have to choose death.
i think these guys are being born from cabbage, so just put it in with the storks
My first thought about a possible explanation was that maybe they're some weird sort of Aquarius figures. After thinking "AAAIIIIIIEEEE! WHAT ARE THOSE!" of course.
On the other hand, I'm an Aquarius, and am reasonably sure that I don't quite compare to these... guys...
Maybe they are "Tulip Patch Men" in various stages of their development. The yarn-like hair, outie belly button, and if you look just at the eyes with the rest of the face and body blocked they rather remind me of Cabbage Patch Kid dolls.
Can the person who took the pic go back to the bakery & ask?
Looks like polar bear club to me, just not real creative on the water. Belly button my keister!
The only thing that I learned by googling this is that you can check cake pans out of the Denver library. Now I have more questions.
Moses parting the Red Sea?
My first thought was that they are Easter cakes - Jesus coming out of an Easter egg. Granted, the "man" in the second photo isn't as Jesusish as those in the first photo but the idea is so ludicrous it gives me immense joy to think that a bakery is actually doing this. Therefore, it doesn't really matter to me now if we get the actual story: these are Jesus egg cakes to me!
My best guess is Cabbage Patch Kids gone horribly, horribly wrong.
I was guessing the blue was a lotus. I'm wondering if there are any eastern religious eventslinked to this rash of naked men: There is an ashram not to far from me which uses blue lotuses. It seems to me they'd have to be sitting cross-legged to be set that deep in their blue "eggs."
I asked my 7 year old what it looks like (thinking he may have some insight). He held his breath a few seconds, studying it and then turned to me and explained, "It's....ugly."
I'm going with Pan Ku. Is it for some Chinese holiday or something?
I think those are supposed to be grown-up versions of Cabbage Patch Kids.
Seriously, what are they supposed to be?
I'm not really convinced that that's a belly button...
Jen, please post the answer tomorrow if you find out!
I was thinking moses parting the red sea, perhaps? (dunno why I came up with that. I'm pagan.)
I’m with Jedi Knight Ivyan as I could totally see that happening!
@Tuatara Thank you- that’s a great version as, somehow, Lego men make it even funnier.
I'm going with Polar Bear plunge as it often seems to be portly, middle aged men with facial hair and wearing Speedos who get featured on the news. Icy cold water certainly explains the facial expression of first one (on the left).
My deepest, sincerest gratitude for noting that as an "outie." I was prepared to be very disturbed.