With This Wreck, I Thee Wed
October 12, 2011 It seems I never fail to underestimate your insatiable desire for wedding wreckage. And sprinkles. You guys always want sprinkles.
Two birds? Meet your stone:
;)
Sha-POW!
Not crumby enough for you? Try this:
;)
Because naked wedding cakes have more Funfetti.
"Ooh, you guys, I've got it! Ok, picture this: we have the happy couple, in their wedding finery, scaling a giant turd. Eh? EH?!"
;)
Bam. Nailed it.
"People, I know we can fit a few more pieces of plastic on here! WE JUST AREN'T TRYING HARD ENOUGH."
;)
"Barb, you fetch the curling ribbon while Sam and I open another bag of aquarium greenery. Move, move, move!"
We all know there's a lot of crying at weddings. Fortunately, this couple decided to put all the used tissues to good use:
;)
You might think it's icing holding all those together, but I'm here to tell you: it's not.
Thanks to Heather B., Sarah L., Brittany P., Lesley W., & Danielle N. for the tear-jerkers.
Reader Comments (145)
The Kleenex cake makes me happy.
Is that fourth (blue) cake for a Mormon wedding? I count 3 brides!
Bravo for that last wordplay. I tip my hat to you!
And thats a way to cut on a wedding budget, funfetti cakes with probably some betty crocker icing..total class. Would have been better as a surprised when you cut the cake.
So much to cover on this one, where to start? Another great post!
1.It will take days to get all those sprinkles out of your teeth!
2.That crumbly cake needs some alcohol to wash it down with.
3.The chocolate lump looks more like a beehive to me.
4.Blue icing....love the blue tooth effect. Yeah!
5.No, it isn't icing holding it all together, it's snot....my Dad's favorite joke....
AAAAGGGGHHHHH IT'S NOT!!!!!!!!!
This has got to be the worst batch of wedding cake photos yet. Actually one of these has to be the worst wedding cake ever; sprinkles and oragami birds? Yeuch! Not to mention the gypsophyla.
Now if the cake was well executed, the sprinkles used in a classy way (giant rainbow nonpareil on a white cake? think I'll use that one...) and the oragami birds made out of fondant/run-out, then I'd be impressed.
Hmm, anyone feel like a creative session coming on?
Wreckage, sprinkles and... origami!
I think I've never seen origami on a sprake (sprinkles + cake)!
"it's not." Shaking my head... I love you guys.
Okay, I've calmed down. I know most won't agree, but I feel that the cake that depicts the happy couple, in their wedding finery, scaling a giant turd, is a perfect wedding cake. Marriage is hard. LIFE is hard!
Sometimes you a young couple may feel as though they are facing a giant turd. Those who are successful, learn to scale it together.
Feel free to use this as a wedding toast.
While I'm still here: I bet that kleenex cake cost a fortune.
Kimberly-Clark "Professional" toilet paper dispenser ...
My constant thought while reading today's post: "Why?"
Paper birds and rainbow sprinkles? Why?
Shaved cake? Why? For that matter, even with the frosting, Rainbow Chip cake? Why??
Climbing poo while dressed all in white? Why?
Having a cake even Cinderella would have gagged at? Why?
Shapeless funky ruffley mess? Why?
I blame the brides. I blame the bakers. And I have great fear of how bad wedding cakes will have to become to beat these. But if this blog has taught me nothing else, it is this: There is always a worse cake coming.
I just don't get the 'naked' wedding cake. Is it supposed to be like that?
In a weird and wrong way, I kind of love that last cake. As for the rest, I have only one thing to say. Aaii-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1. Even the peace cranes look pissed...
2. "Your family's so cheap all we could afford was this crummy wedding cake."
3. The metaphor of marriage as a giant turd is unfortunate, but more disturbing is the fact they appear to be using tapeworms as climbing ropes. Even the poor groom had to look away.
4. O.K. I give up. Where are the ninja deer hiding this time?
5. The couple met in the cold and flu aisle at Target?
Its so sad that a traditional origami model (The cranes on the first cake) was used for a crappy sprinkles cake. (BTW The cranes symbolise health and happiness in marriage).
People, people!
The turd cake comes with ropes- it suggests a certain ....um pessamistic view of the marriage,
with noose matierial to hand!
And the tissue cake? It projects early sickness and death of the marriage...
Good ness these cakes cetainly are ....odd.
mocking
Yikes is about the only thing I can muster on these wrecks!
On a happy note, I got an email from Barnes & Noble that my books is being shipped. W00t! So looking forward to my Happy Hole Days wreckage!
I can almost hear the wreckerator of the Funfetti cake: "Drat! I'm just no good at doing the frosting on the sides! The sides just never meet up with the top the way I want... Hmmm..... MAYBE.... what if I just kind of pile a bunch of crumbs along the side instead? It might be avant garde! It might be trend setting! It might just work!!
Seriously, though, did they just forget a few steps (clean up the crumbs, frost the sides)? If it weren't for the backdrop, I'd say the picture was unfairly taken during the assembly. I suppose it's possible that the bride stipulated square cakes, and decided that it would be better round, as it was being set up.... Given the bridezilla stories I've read, it's seems faintly, awfully possible. (No offense intended to those bridezillas out there).
Is the blue cake for a six-year-old bride and groom?
I want to see the matching wedding dress for that last cake!
I think those cakes just put my sense of aesthetics into a coma.
As bad as that funfetti cake looks, if it had rainbow chip icing I would eat the entire thing.
If you have never had an ocular migraine, take a good look at that first cake: it is migraine-colored. The more you know...
Fourth cake is one of the many reasons six-year-olds do not make good wedding planners. "I want a real Cinderella cake! It needs more toys! More! And singing mice at every table."
Excellent post as usual.
wow that first cake is busy! rainbow sprinkles! flowers (in varoius colors)! baby's breath! paper origami birds on two different patterened papers!
I bet it's crunchy too.
was the naked wedding cake caught mid-assembly? but then why the piles of crumbs on top? were they changing the shape? do they hate icing? was it a really ugly cake so the took the icing/decor off? did they want to show off the funfetti colors? (seriously? funfetti in a wedding cake? isn't that just for kids' birthday parties? how old are these people? or was this really an oversized birthday cake?
that poor bride looks like she's struggling to scale a beehive of poo in her white dress. is the groom gloating or waiting to snap her with that rope when she gets close enough? meanwhile, the goofy sign on top looks like the little man is dancing. and he's solo. is he cheering for when the groom reaches the top alone after hurtling the bride to her doom of poo?
So, Ali on the blue cake of flotsam.....has a a lot of blonde brides on it. And 3 Cinderellas. Is he adding to his harem?
used tissue cake looks like a pile of bedsheets or linen napkins. what a weird message this could send. are they covering an ugly cake? leaving used hankies from crying? stripping the bed in anticipation of the honeymoon?
Okay the cake is ugly but I kinda like the oragami cake topers (cute and inexpensive).
On the other hand why are there 3 brides on theat Cinderella one? Is he a Polygamist (or however you spell it, ya know lot's O' wives)
I thought the brown one was a beehive. As in hair.
Honestly, that last one's kind of cool. In a "we used all the spare fondant we had lying around the bakery on ONE CAKE!!!" sort of way...
The climbing couple is not a bad concept, but the execution STINKS-literally, the blue looks like a birthday cake for a little girl, hence the oh so mature princess toys, and as for the tissue cake-a failed attempt at making what could have been a cute ruffled cake.
I like the first cake. I think I need to get out away from the kids more.
I played a video game for Nintendo 64 called "Conkers Bad Fur Day" in which there is a "poo hive" made by flys that he must run through..... I think that cake nailed it.
and yes those do look like tape worms
Not saying I would have it at my wedding, but that last cake is really cool actually.
I count at least three, and as many as six, brides on the "Cinderella" cake (depends on if you count the blue-gowned women as brides or bridesmaids, I guess.) In any case, it's nice to see that that bride has a total grasp on what makes her wedding day special -- her being a TOTAL PRINCESS, MUHAHAHAHAHA! The poor, lonely "Prince Charming" figure seems a total afterthought. Good luck with that, Princey-boy.
Ok, I have to know the backstory on the naked cake. I can (sadly) see the Wrecky logic behind the others... but crumbs? I feel like someone got a black eye (or had to skip town) when that was revealed.
That last snark was a good one. *bowing* Well done.
Why anyone would want an unfrosted cake with cake crumbles all around it...... is really beyond my imagination.
Good Grief. This is the absolute worst group of cakes that you have ever put together.
Congratulations. Good luck topping this one.
I'm dying to know the story behind the nakkid cake.
The most horrific cake in this post is the Cinderella one...not because of its (lack of) aesthetics, but because of the bridal mentality it represents. I pity the groom...but then, that cake is a bright blue "Back away from the altar!" warning if I ever saw one.
And I agree with Jacob, I kind of like the last one. It does show some skill at least, and if you squint your eyes a bit, it looks like lovely draped material. Ok, plopped material. Still, makes me wonder what part of the dress it's supposed to represent.
I agree with Amy-Why? This is one post that I want the back stories of these cakes. Why the naked cake and crumbs? Why the tissues? Did they really tell the decorator they wanted to climb a mountain of poo? Why? I just want answers.
That crumbly cake makes me wonder if someone really hates frosting. Then I look at how thick it is between layers. Don't even get me started on how odd funfetti is for a wedding cake.
A snot joke! My day is off to a good start. :)
ok, i googled uniced cakes and i found the inspiration for the funfetti cake.
http://stefansisters.blogspot.com/2011/06/un-iced-wedding-cakes.html
i guess it is a trend???
There's actually something almost artistic about the last one. Almost.
I'm a big fan of sprinkles and nonpareils. BIG fan. But that first cake is just....wrong. As much as it pains me to say it, there IS such a thing as too many nonpareils.
Mormons are Not Polygamists, Polygamists are polygamists. (you would think after 140 years we could get that straight.) But Ya, the Blue Bohemeth is definately in need of more brides. I Wonder if the pretty sister in law showed up in a white Lace dress?
If my daughter were to get married tomorrow she would TOTALLY want the blue Cinderella cake for her wedding. Of course, she just turned three. And has most of those toys already.
#3 is they're climbing a mountain. Either they enjoy doing that together or they met while mountain climbing. No mystery there.
Jen, you really do need to have a show on the food channel (or DIY?). instead of cake challenge, how about cake wrecks we have loved?
SPRINKLES!!! SPRINKLES EVERYWHERE! Sprinkles is the new bling!
Was that blue cake made by the bride's wicked stepmother?
Also, the last cake looks a little like a weddding dress train that I've seen recently. How would you order something like that? "I want a wadded tissue cake"? Maybe it was inspired by an overflowing trashcan full of crumpled pages of failed cake designs. Maybe if it had sprinkles...
I actually kind of like the funfetti cake, though it was poorly executed. The frosting isn't even between layers and it's crooked, but a cute idea.
A Brief Look at Cake Number 2:
While some may scoff at a cake with limited icing, this is, of course, a perfect example of an existential wedding cake with anticipatory overtones – a self-contained yin and yang. We first notice that the there is no icing, a symbolic homage to the fact that marriage, while it may be filled with joy, is not perfect, as if the couple were saying “Marriage is not the icing on the Cake of Life.” In fact, the cake is crumbling, a clever metaphor for Life – does not our life, our relationships, even our world, crumble around us now and then. Leaving behind bits and pieces of what once was? Are we not surrounded by bits of dusty dreams and pieces of shattered promises, with sprinkles of shattered hopes? (See first cake for prime example of that.) Note also the different thickness of the cake’s layers – clearly signifying the stages of growth a couple goes through – some “thicker” or more challenging, than others. Why, you say, is there icing between the layers if there is none all over the cake? An astute question! It is simply (if anything about this cake can be called “simply”) because while marriage is not THE icing on the cake of Life, it does, in fact, according to this couple, play a bonding role (not to be confused with bondage, which is another cake entirely). The optimistic overtones are exemplified further by looking at the top layers of the cake: they are smaller and they appear to lean a little. How could it be said better? The telescoping nature of the cake depicts the couple growing closer together, while the leaning at the top illustrates that as their marriage lasts (gets taller, in cake terms) not only do they become closer, but also they enter deeper into the phase of interpersonal bonding, or “leaning” on one another. But, finally, you ask, where is the traditional bride and groom at the top of the cake? It is here that the beauty of this cake really comes through. They are not there, because they are not there. They have not reached this stage of their life yet, they are still in process. Thus, this ties it all together – the crumbles of life with the optimism of reaching the top!
Now, having said that, let me go back to snickering over the final line in today’s post: it’s not….. What a beautiful Kleenex joke! Ah, Cake Wrecks, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways….