Santa's Little Inept Helper

[shop bell tinging]

"Hello, I'd like to register a complaint."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, sir. What seems to the problem?"

"I'll tell you what the problem is, my good man: I came in here yesterday to enlist your services in procuring my daughter's Christmas gifts. I even gave you her list:

"Yes, yes, very good. And?"

"And the presents you provided were severely substandard."

"Surely not!"

"I should say so. Just look at this doll you sent over:

"Ah, lovely doll, the Cindy Yella, isn't it? Beautiful blue skirt."

"It appears to be made of tentacles."

"Those add texture."

"And you spilled your coffee on it."

"That was there before."

"I see. And what about this 'bike'?"

"What about it?"

"I stated very clearly that my daughter is six years old, and wanted a tricycle."

"Yeah, but it looks cool on the ketchup and mustard smears, dudn't it?"

"So I suppose you thought jamming an entire deck of playing cards into icing looked 'cool' as well, did you?"

"What if I told you that wand magically cleans off all the icing?" [wink]

"Oh, does it?"

"No.

But it might."

"You just said it wouldn't."

"But it might."

[staring]

"Fine. Now, would you kindly explain this?"

"It's a puppy."

"It's a dead dog."

"Puppies are dogs."

"But it is DECEASED."

"No, no, he's just resting!"

"Resting? RESTING?!?

****

Say, you ever get the feeling we've said this before?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do."

"Huh."

"Huh."

****
"You...uh... wanna grab a cup of coffee?"

"Ooh, let's!"

Thanks to Mindy S., doctorhj, Yael, Stephanie, & Laura K., who agree that dead puppies aren't much fun.

Comments

[Jackie]

My son's comment on the puppy cake: "That's a turd-a-tastrophe!"

[Gary]

The plumage don't enter into it!

[Jean Burke]

Awesome.....This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! Thanks for the laughs.....

[Anonymous]

I love how you found cakes to match your prelude "list."

meanwhile, Barbie's skirt is freaky--are we sure she's not an extra in the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean movie??

and what a waste of a perfectly good deck of cars. just clumped on there into the icing.

[Anonymous]

the dog is moldy, too!

[Valerya Baker]

Uh, what 6 year old still rides a tricycle?

[Anonymous]

Yes!! I took the picture of the "scroll" a few weeks ago and had to submit it. I am a decorator myself, but I found this at Super Target

[Anonymous]

....
my puppy died late last fall
he's still rotting in the ..
box?!

[Jessie]

These look so funny - but I'd still eat them lol!

The puppy is so cute :)

Keep up the good work!

[nicoleandmaggie]

Oh great, now I'm going to have the dead puppies song stuck in my head for the rest of the week.

[Aliza]

Ah good, I'm not the only one that looked at the motorcycle cake and thought "donor-cycle". Thanks @Clan! I guess this was the wreckerator's way of convincing the six year old not to switch from tricycle to motorcycle?

And sickly green for an animal? I guess they've never seen an actual dog before!

[Flea]

My puppy died
Late last fall
He's still rotting
In the hall

I'm looking over
My dead dog, Rover
Who I hit with a power mower ...