Prime Candidates
November 1, 2010 Friends, when you go to vote tomorrow, consider this: do you want someone loyal, trustworthy, and true overseeing your county bakeries?
"These glasses show I'm smart AND intelligent."
"They call me...Blue Steele."OR....do you want Gretchen Schankhausen?
[Pyscho music]Ernie Snerdbergler: "I'm Ernie Snerdbergler, and I speak for you, the American people. I stand against plastic flotsam and terrorism. Unlike my opponent, Gretchen Shankhoosier, who I hear speaks French.
So tomorrow, choose hope. Choose AMERICA. Choose...Ernie Snerdbergler.
Gretchen Schankhausen believes all children should be happy on their birthdays. Not so with Ernie Snerdbergler, who, in case you haven't noticed, has "bergler" in his name.
Do you want a burglar in charge of your bakery oversight advisory boards? Of course you don't.
Gretchen Schankhausen is a life-long baker, community activist, and volunteer frog neuterer.
That shows how responsible Gretchen Schankhausen is. Gretchen Schankhausen cares.Tomorrow, vote for cake. Vote against robbery. Vote...for Gretchen Schankhausen.
Gretchen Schankhauser loves devil's food.
Gretchen sound bite: "Oh, Devil's food is my favorite!"
Ernie Snerdbergler, however, loves children, decency, and the American way. Ernie Snerdbergler KNOWS America.
Just look at this video clip of Ernie Snerdbergler playing catch with children on a playground, surrounded by more children, who clearly adore him, and also kittens. Lots and lots of kittens. Clearly, he is the only *safe* choice for your county bakery commissioner.
This November, vote against the devil. Vote for kittens. Ernie Snerdbergler: 'cuz kids love him.
A "bergler" is trying to steal Gretchen Schankhausen's good name. However, you should know that Gretchen Schankhausen is actually an angel in disguise.
Woodland creatures love Gretchen Schankhausen. Gretchen Schankhausen once healed a blind man by accidentally sneezing on him. Honest.
Plus, Ernie Snerdbergler eats babies for breakfast.
That's a fact.Note: the above statement has not been proven to be factual.
So tomorrow, if you ever want a disguised angel to sneeze on you, or if you don't want your babies eaten, then vote for Gretchen Schankhausen.
Kit, Kaitlin W., Caitlyn P., Shannon K., Bonnie, Allison, Aimee, & Sarah, just think: after tomorrow, no more campaigning!
Yep, I'll eat cake to that.
Reader Comments (93)
Oh dear God ....baby bottom cupcakes! What sort of cannibal eats baby butts? Aggghhhhh!
I vote for kittens.
Ew, cupcake babies WITH a headless pregnant torso (and why is she showing off her bell AND cleavage). And who would even ORDER that kind of cake set up? WHO?
ok the last cake is scary beyond all reason.
That last one looks like Anne Geddes' worst nightmare. Or maybe my worst nightmare, it's hard to tell.
Those baby cupcakes bring a new meaning to "fetal bites."
I'm voting for Maureen's children. They show more common sense than most of the candidates running this year.
Much as I miss living in the States at times, I am not sorry to have missed the campaign ads. I still remember the ones from 2004 and I have to say this was a very well done parody.
Next on political Survivor challenge:
Raw, fully formed baby/chicks still in their shell. Cut the centerpice open for the dip.
Nice commentary about which candidates will eat their own to get a vote.
I'll vote for "blue steel" for being honest on what he's feeding us.
I made the baby eating comment yesterday morning (October 31) on the NPR Monkey See blog. Except it was Glenn Beck instead of Ernie S. I made the comment in response to a guy who kept making ridiculous statements & following them with 'It's a fact.' It was my attempt to show him that saying something is a fact, doesn't make it so.
Funniest.Post.EVER!
Thank you for such a hilarious relief to my day! If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were parroting the Congressional race in my county in TN!
Wow! Dodecamom has got Octomom beat!
Wow, it's like you read my mail. Fliers like that pour out of the mailbox Every Single Day. It's almost tempting to just vote for whomever spams me the Least.
Oh, and those baby cupcakes are seriously creepy!
-Holly
XD XD XD funniest post in a while
Those baby cupcakes....eeeewwww.
Awesome post today! You always make me laugh. I vote for truth, justice, and kittens!
The only way those horrific baby cakes could be worse would be if they followed the "back to sleep" advice.
EPBOC ;-)
I believe cake #1 is Harry S. Truman, especially so close to Election Day.
wv: adepen. Adepen on the claims in political ads to help me decide who NOT to vote for.
those babies may be more sophisticated than the bacon diapered meat baby but no less bile-in-throat inducing
-Barbara Anne
Wow... the bell has two clappers and 24 stars - I'd given it a pass if it'd had one and 25 respectfully (But if it's a CCC, please don't get mad at me - these guys at least have the stripes in the right colors for once).
Great cakes chosen though for this montage, keep up the good work.
Mel
If only the ads on the tv were this funny I wouldn't curse and change the channel lol. That last cake is scary beyond belief. And the um patriotism cake lmao... can't not laugh when my dirty mind takes over.
the patriot cake has two little blue....nubs on the bottom. which just adds to the WTF? factor IMHO.
WV: prodyt
which seems like something in a political ad.
Sadly enough, I think cakedidates are better than most of the major party candidates running in my state's races.
Also, the baby cake - creepy yet strangely awesome.
That first cake looks like Stephen Colbert! He's a sexy, sexy nerd...>.>
Oh, and those baby cupcakes are insanely creepy, God I hope nobody actually ate them. And that there aren't more like them in the world. Seriously. Wow.
WV: fletsis, as in, "word jumble for "leftsis", someone who will vote on the left side of the spectrum. :P (ok, I kinda cheated, hehe.)
Wow. Just, wow... To close to truth, if i get another phone call from jay buner or any one else spouting political opinions through the phone i might scream!
Thanks for the laughs, glad i do not drink and read your blogs
WV: diati. I hope no frogs will diati expense of her campaing tactics. (dont know just poped into my head)
The baby cake looks nice.
*12* babies??? Fun fact- with each male child a woman has, the odds of that son being gay increase by 33%, from a baseline of about 3% odds of being gay for the first son. It's called the older brother syndrome. No, I am not hating on the bald cake-man with the mesh top with boobie cutouts. You can wear what you want at a rave.
LMAO Oh American Patriotism you! Inow have to clean my monitor. This is why I NEVER read Cakewrecks with the morning coffee in my hand!
you know, that baby belly cake wasn't so very bad, with the artistic draping and all...the chocolate(?) babies surrounding it though...do you bite the head off first, or start at the legs?
I have to say those baby cupcakes are amazing! Creepy, but amazing :)
The first cake seems to be an attempt at the 'old timey' Marshie from HomestarRunner.com
Then again it is missing the top hat.
Blue steel...still can't stop laughing...I think I peed my pants!!! :)
That last one actually made me shudder!
I think Cake #1 was pretty well done. I don't know about anyone else, but I see John McCain drawn in just a few tastefully spare lines.
You should totally turn that into a cakewrecks video exclusive.
I would actually find it extremely horrifying to eat a piece of cake created to look like a pregnant woman's breast...
So... wtf happened to Texas :)
Oh man, the "Someone with a firm grip on his patriotism?" killed me! Now to go make the husband read the post...
Cake #2 ... talk about the "rocket's red glare." I am guessing that is what the firm grip thing really was supposed to be, or maybe a firecracker.
I don't understand the final cake, with the babies and the Great Boob Goddess. Who would want that at their shower?
Thanks for this great post - I only wish the real ads were anywhere near this funny.
The mute button on the remote will get a rest now that the political season is finally over.
About that last cake: I have to wonder what the person who ordered it was thinking...and whose idea it was to put bows and flowers all over the baby corpses. Ewww.
Aww, I'd totally vote for the Troublesome Truck cake (#3).
Patrioticock.
I'm way late on this post but it's hilarious! I love Jen. I love the stuff she writes. That's most of the reason this stuff is funny! *sigh* I don't vote for cannibals. Especially cannibals who eat babies! I want to be sneezed on by an angel in disguise! I vote for Van Hoosen!