Reality Bit
July 28, 2009 NOTE: This post was written several days ago, and was not intended to be a commentary on any breaking news events. My sincere apologies to any who may find it offensive.
Cake artists, can we talk? I feel like we need to have a little heart-to-heart.
Ok, here's the deal: I know that you guys are talented - I do! - and I get that you like to showcase your talent with the cakes you make.
The only problem is, when you make something like this:
Photo removed at baker's request
Not to mention it's depressing; could that look any more funereal?
Look at it from the cake consumer's perspective: would you want to slice into a sleeping baby?
"I call butt!"
Or worse, have a toddler's eyeball staring up at you from your plate?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
So cake sculptors, please, stop making us choose between cake deprivation and feeling like a cannibal. If you must make a baby cake, make it nice and cartoony - preferably with no basis in reality whatsoever.
You know, like this:
Three arms, a gravity defying diaper, and crazy sunglasses? Yep, I'd eat that.
Update: Tons of you are saying that's a butt crack, not an arm. (The rest claim it's Epcot.) I can almost see that, but I still think it looks more like an arm. ;)
- Related Wreckage: You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello
Reader Comments (296)
Wilhelmina,
It was 7.5 jillion. Though I usually moderate the first hour pretty continuously, I was busy racqetballing this morning and Anne- Marie, our lovely wrecksistant, doesn't get to them until 10:00. Oh well. Long live Epcot!!!
john
Well...the diaper on that last cake shown really throws off the whole image of the baby. Since neither the baby's left shoulder nor the usual waist indentation are clearly defined, at first glance, it looks as though the child has its left hand jammed into the diaper (and/or the left arm is kind of behind its back.) That would make the dinky little limb that is located in the middle of the poor tyke's chest some sort of vestigal (spelling?) appendage...it's a mutant baby. Another mind-blowingly weird thing about the image is that if the diaper is supposed to be (ahem) just about to fall off the baby's butt, then why is the diaper directly under the baby's right armpit? (heh...this whole thing is just TOO surreal!)
I'm with team buttcrack on this one. Baby is standing with his/her back to us looking over his/her shoulder. The leftmost arm is the baby's right arm. The "middle" arm is the baby's left arm. The "right arm" is the curve of the baby's back and a buttcrack.
WV: unausis. These cakes are making me nauseous. Unausis too?
I'm more troubled by the baby on the white blanket, which appears to have microcephaly (the condition that 'pinheads' in freak shows would have).
I suppose it works if your baby *has* been born with microcephaly, but you'd think the parent of a newborn baby with such a condition would be more distracted by the physical ramifications of such & the baby's health to ring up the cake shop and say "Hey! Quick change to ask for..."
Unless it was a correction made by a helpful friend: "Oh, she'll LOVE that touch!"
Whether it's a third arm or not- there is absolutely nothing right about that last cake.
Gladys said However, the soundtrack in my head sounds suspiciously like the B-52's... "Butt crack! Bebeh butt CRACK!
Gladys, you are my new hero!
I KNOW that obviously this post wasn't meant to offend, but as someone who is a loyal follower of this blog I just find it distasteful to post given the gruesome event from Texas. I'm not saying you should try to please everyone, but that whole thing is so horrifying and even unintentionally referencing it is exceptionally un-funny.
Wilhemina,
My bad! I didn't know they had to be approved first :)
Sorry about the unfortunate timing, Jen. I thought you just had baby showers on the mind for whatever reason, especially since this followed yesterday's sonogram post. Or maybe I do, since we're expecting a baby shower invitation any day now from the couple whose wedding we recently attended - during the ceremony the priest prayed at least 5 times for God to grant the couple children, to which both mothers barely contained themselves from shouting, "Amen!" (Oh, and the wedding cake was absolutely lovely, not at all wrecktastic, with real, proper ribbon elegantly placed and no icing mishaps. Very sad for a wannabe wreckporter. And I suspect they'll have an equally tasteful and well done baby shower cake. Sigh. My friends are too nice and normal and sane sometimes.)
Where's the giant carrot for lifesize naked baby?
P.S. Best word verification ever: foophott.
Oh boy! Those cakes are cute! Sure no one would wanna eat them. I love your site..and have just subscribed to it as well. BTW, I would really like it if you could visit my blog and/or give me some comments. Thanks!
http://snacksgiving.blogspot.com/
Well. I won't mention butt crack, since everyone else has. And Kate has said very eloquently what I was thinking. So: ditto on all fronts. Wreck on! :-) H.
ha, i wondered if you were going to comment on the weird baby-eating coincidence.
I've been staring at the blue cake (baby Lenin?)for a while, covering my mouth with the fingers and shaking the head in slow repeated movements. WTF oh my gooooooodness, WTF
Someday I'd like to write cake-wreck inspired poetry. It might look cool in a future Platinum edition of the Cakewrecks book
It's like the vase/face optical illusion. You can see a vase or two faces in profile, but not both at the same time.
Man these cakes so creep me out as I can't look at the without thinking of Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal.
The first cake looks exactly like one of those Memento Mori photographs from the late Victorian. It's...disturbing, really.
Yeah, this is like an optical illusion cake. I saw three arms at first, but now I see two arms and a butt crack, and it keeps shifting. Seriously though, if you look at the cake, it's like the butt is coming out toward you, and the rest of the baby is turned away from you, except the baby has turned its head to face you.
I FINALLY SEE THE THIRD ARM!!! Now my day is complete. Thank you to Dan for your awesome description of how to see it.
I just became privy to the story you are referring to and I think I'm going to be sick.
OHHHHHHH!!!!!!
The first cake was, SOOOO cute!
That last cake was, so, um, ahem.
~Lucia
Yeah, defnitely a butt crack and not a third arm- but it's probably just as bad that the other arm seems to be sticking out of the kid's back.
That head cake with the crown on it? CREEEEEEEPY.
"[i]Also, is that kiwi and hard-boiled eggs up in the corner?[/i]"
Doug D., looking at the scale of the "eggs" compared to the kiwi slices and strawberries beside them, I'm guessing those are actually peeled lychee fruit.
And I totally saw mutant 3-armed baby, I had to look again, after reading that it was probably butt-crack, before I could make out the derrierre. Yup, totally an optical illusion cake!
I just found the story that you mentioned, and I, too, want to throw up...Jen, I know you had no bad intentions whatsoever, and I'm not normally sensitive about these things or quick to be offended, but I think the post should be taken down and reposted at another time, like the horse post. Just unlucky timing. That poor child...
That butt baby.... is it supposed to be human? No offense I swear, but have you looked at the face?
Must... resist... inappropriate... baby shower flashback... comment....
Shoot. Pass me some 3rd arm / buttcrack. Hope it's chocolate.
I saw 3 arms too and had to think for a moment before seeing it as a butt crack. Either way its pretty weird.
"NOTE: Today's original post of horse cakes has been pulled due to some horrendously bad timing on the part of the universe. (I was out of the country until yesterday, and so only learned of the tragic polo horse deaths this morning.) Rest assured that I'm not that intentionally insensitive, and I certainly meant no offense to horses or horse-lovers. I'll run the original post again in a few weeks, but for today, enjoy this classic Wreck rerun from the CW archives."
This was from April 23 about horses. Horses. The horse post did go up later, just not on such an unfortunately-timed day as it was originally intended. I think on any other day I would have thought the baby cake thing is funny, but not right now.
See, when I read things like "no one wants to eat it" "slice into a sleeping baby" and "feeling like a cannibal", I can't help but think about the story on the news about the lady from Texas that decapitated her baby, ate his brain and chewed off his toes. Call me sensitive, but that affects me way more than polo horses.
Clay is very like fondant, and stone like frozen cake. Perhaps the artists would prefer to make a more lasting, less edible version of their subjects to stand next to the dessert. One that lasts and doesn't have to be destroyed. They are beautiful, time-intensive and expensive works of art, these cakes. They should be made out of a medium that won't be turned into beautiful, expensive feces the next day.
Does anyone else recognize baby #2? It's odo from DS9- seriously, check out the ear!
Iain, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thought of "A Modest Proposal" when I saw these. We had to read that in college, and I make me so nauseous.
Sorry about the bad timing, Jen. I saw the Twitter post and checked out the story, how horrifying.
Ditto to Kate :)
Lets not go around taking down all postings of babies today and hiding any products that pertain to babies in all the stores etc. etc. etc. Sadly, there are tragedies that happen somewhere in the world every minute of everyday. Lets not try to make connections where they don't exist.
I'd only buy that it was a buttcrack and not a third arm if you could explain to me why the legs & cheeks don't line up anatomically.
Wads of heavy, excessively-handled, play-doh fondant turns my stomach no matter what shape it's painstakingly molded into. To be honest, I'd be happy to eat a baby cake if it had buttercream on it. I long for the days when eating cake was like kissing an angel, not swallowing bubble gum.
Oh man, first the accidentally poor timing of the horse wrecks, and now this with baby wrecks!
I'm happy you didn't pull this post like you did with the Horse one. I felt you shouldn't have had to pull that one either. You can't help what will be in the news on any given day!
You acknowledged that it's not intentional and you mean no offense and moved on. Bravo!
---
It's official. The most psychotic cakes out there are all baby shower related. You can't blame it on the mom-to-be's hormones because they usually aren't the ones ordering the cake. Wanna know how sick and deranged someone is? Send them to the Kroger bakery counter!
Oh, and I'm one of those who saw three baby arms. @_@ Yiiiiikes!
Hey Jen, John, and Anne-Marie!
I agree with what Kate said. Honestly, you cannot possibly be expected to know every news story as it happens, and even if you could, this site is about CAKES. Not cannibals, so you shouldn't take any posts down. And really, as sorry as I am for I Love Baby Quilt's loss, a baby warning? That's just ridiculous.
Anyway, I think I could still eat these cakes, buttcracks and 3rd arms notwithstanding (they are made of cake after all!).
But then again, I'm going to a restaurant in Japan next month called http://www.diddit.com/fooddrink-fjvvwk/worlds-weirdest-restaurants/cannibalistic-sushi/" rel="nofollow"> Cannibalistic Sushi, Tokyo where you eat a person made out of sushi as if you're operating on them. Clearly I am a medical (albeit veterinary) student! :)
I love your blog! Don't let the crabby commenters get you down!
Tara
I think they said something like that on "Ace of Cakes" once. Sure, they can make a cake that looks like your dog, but...do you *really* want to slice up your dog and eat it?
Remember, we only make what they order, or at least MOST of us do...there are those who go insane. I have to agree, I refuse to make things that make you eat parts of people or children.
HI!
I'm commenting on a funny cake blog!!
I love the funny cake blog!!!
It's funny!!!!
And FUN!!!!!!
PERIOD.
*YIKES*
That second one from the top--look at the size of the HONKER on that poor kid. (The parents are arguing over which side of the family he/she resembles.)
And everyone is skirting the issue of...well...that ear.
Anyway, if no one wants to actually cut the cake because it looks "too real" (riiiight), I think that ear would make a pretty decent ashtray...
Anyone got a light?
Baby Cakebed makes me think of something else....
Hmmm...what the heck WAS it, now...?
Oh, yeah--I remember now!
It was that thing that French woman supposedly said about poor people:
"What? They have no cribs? Then let them sleep on cake!"
=^--^=
OH!! It's an arm but if he had his hand down the side his diaper! Makes so much sense now...it's like the old lady/young lady picture.
@ Egan-
I understand your sensitivity. While recent news is horrifying and the story made me sick, the fact of the matter is that life has to go on. If everybody censored things every day because of something in the news, well, something tells me there would be a lot less funny in the world.
If these cakes are anything to go by, it's never okay to have a baby of any kind on a cake! Yeesh.
Long time lurker, first comment.
Wreck on!
i work at a funeral home and we buried a baby last week. i kid you not it looked EXACTLY like that first cake in his casket though i can't imagine celebrating the event with a 'dead baby cake'. eeeek.
t.a.c.k.y.
So wrong, so wrong. I cannot believe that people actually go to their baker and ask for this crap. Just amazing. I love you site and am always on the look out for cake wrecks, but I haven't spotted any yet. I'm sure it will happen soon.
Sam
http://anrratedblog.blogspot.com/
I watch the morning news every day, and whatever this gruesome story was did not show up. I had no idea until all the comments were made! Maybe it's because I live in Boston, but we still get national news, and it's not even in my local papers!
Just because something bad happens in the world doesn't mean everyone suddenly knows about it... Coincidence is coincidence. Calm down.
Let's just say I finished reading EVERY SINGLE entry since the beginning and I absolutely love your site. I'm already composing a gift list to include aprons with naked mowhawk babies riding carrots!
As for cake babies...ew.
So, because I have had an eating disorder, I should demand a "WARNING: POST CONTAINS CALORIE-LADEN FOOD" label?
Yeah. No. I'm not that full of myself.
This blog is amazing -- you guys do wonderful, hilarious work and are the first thing I look at when I get up in the morning and turn on my computer.
People who demand special treatment for their own specific special concerns are implying that they are better than the rest of the population.
You're offended? Fine. Navigate away from the page. No one can force you to stay here and look. Go to Cute Overload. Or http://tabularasa.org.
Unless, you know, there's been some kind of kitten coup and your delicate sensibilities can't handle the thought of their cute fluffiness.
Also, I keep wondering -- are the people offended by pictures (not even offensive pictures!) of baby-shaped cakes SO affected by this news in Texas that they can't stand to look at their own babies? Are they locking babies away from sight? Are they yelling at mommies with strollers on the streets?
I apologize for preaching to the choir. I just wanted to a.) let you know I support you guys, and b.) remind people that we should get over ourselves. Yeesh.
I like the 3-armed/buttcrack baby! Who was it that hoped the buttcrack slice was chocolate? Made me laugh!
The timing overlap with the real news story is sad, but I don't think you should pull the post. If you saw the news before writing the cake post, then maybe put up something else, but once you put yours up, fine, leave it.
The first cake looks very funerial!
My first thought was definitely three arms, but now I think it is a butt. Weird nonetheless!
I am sorry I agree with egan . I feel you should have pulled the post. You pulled one about polo horses but not this one. Anyhow bakers bake what people want so someone is ordering these cakes. Maybe if some people would stop ordering cakes like this we wouldn't have photos to mock. If we didn't have photo's to mock where would Cake Wreck's be? Just a thought...