Great Expectations

I know we all love wedding wrecks with a schadenfreude-filled passion, but when it comes to what-they-wanted vs. what-they-got wrecks, believe me, it's not just wedding cakes:

 

You know those days when you wonder why you even bothered showing up for work? 

That's the top tier on the right.

 Ammi T. hoped to find a friend in her baker when she ordered this Toy Story-inspired Woody cake:

But instead she went to fecality, and beyond:

 

It's like two poop ropes shaking hands.

In fact, I think we're going to need a rear view on this one, don't you? [nodding] Yeah.

Turn 'er around, boys!

 

Hoo-WHEE! Saggy.

 Now, to be fair, I'm not sure how anyone would go about recreating this next cake exactly:

 (What is that, printable fondant? It sure doesn't look like paper...)

 But regardless, this isn't it:

 

That moment when you realize the awful Pooh picnic wreck is an engagement cake.

And finally, Virginia K. wanted this shaped number cake for her eighteenth birthday:

 But instead, she celebrated her legal coming of age - and all its unlimited litigation possibilities - with this:

So many things to say, but I keep coming back to those color choices. "Ok, you know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking EARTHWORMS and MINT ICE CREAM. Can we make that happen? Yes? AWESOME."

Thanks to Rebecca, Ammi T., Anony M., &Virginia K. for that horrifying mental image. I mean, sure, I wrote it, but still. I BLAME YOU.

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Penal Code Violations

NOTE: These cakes may have been meant for children, but the commentary is not. Double entendres ahead!

Do you ever get the feeling that certain bakers are up to some...er...monkey business?

I think this monkey lacks a certain...appeal.

I mean, maybe it's just me, but it seems like some of today's wreckerators are getting downright...

...nutty.

(I had two different readers send in two different pictures of this cookie cake, btw. See?)

There's something kind of awesome about having a pair of photos of a pair of...um...pink blobby things.

(Swinging plums? Low riders? Crown jewels? Man tonsils? Pant Potatoes? Scroto Baggins? Ok, internet, you've earned your keep tonight.)

Oh, and I *think* they were going for a heart. Maybe. And before you ask, no, the baker should not be sacked, because this is far too entertaining.

I'm sure some of you may think I'm being unfair. Well, not to worry, wreckerators; you'll get your day in court.

Just no dribbling, please.

There's a certain bakery chain (which shall continue to Remain Nameless) that has a rather curious carrot cake design. It looks like this:

You guys have sent me a bunch of examples, so I can assure you: this really is how the cake comes:

So my question is this: if we all sat around discussing the failings of this particular design, would that make it a circle jerk?

[Bah-dum-BAH!]

And while I'm being inquisitive, bakers, I've got to ask: do your wrecks ALWAYS have to look like dongs?

o.0

Ok, never mind.
Please bring the ding dongs back.

Thanks to Carrie C., Beth M., Rachael, Becca S., Nick D., Michelle W., & Richard for enabling me to make it four whole days into the new year before making a wiener joke. NEW RECORD!

*****

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