The Future's So Bright..

If the current state of bakery (il)literacy has you down, then consider this: Right now thousands and thousands of new graduates are flooding the workforce, bringing with them all the knowledge, skill, and personal communications excellence that the American educational system has to offer.

Tissue?

Missy F., once you realize this is a CCC [haaaauuu-patooey!], and that it's depicting an apple being devoured by maggots, suddenly the "daz" thing seems that much more tragic.

I'm sensing some confusion, Stephanie G., and it's coming from this direction:

Ah, I see someone took my "When in doubt, scream it" advice to heart! And I like how s/he covered all the bases with that comma/exclamation mark combo.

Libby B. assures me there's a misspelling in here somewhere...

...but looking at that writing makes my eyes feel like they're careening out of control on an oil slick. Ow.

Mercedes W., I was with you until "proud":

We've already seen congratulations/graduation spelling mix-ups, but here Shelby found a mix-up of the actual words:

As you can see, the "n" is so embarrassed he's making a break for it.

Jess S., don't you just hate letters that look the same upside down as right side up? Like H, I, & O?

If only there were some way to know which way was up when you put them all together! Curse you, you vile deceivers of the alphabet! Curse... you!

Oh, and S! S is another one!

'Course, the school logo COULD have been a tick, right, Jade R.?

Gimmie a 'T'!
T!
Gimmie an "Icks"!
ICKS!
What's that spell?
TICKS!
Say it again!
TICKS!
[flourishing red pom-poms]
Yeah, we ain't yo' momma, ain't yo bud,
All we do is suck yo' blood!
Go Ticks! Woo!! Go Ticks!

Related Wreckage: Maximum Irony Has Now Been Achieved

Insulting Inscriptions 101

Some handy tips when crafting the perfect cake zinger:

1) Don't misspell it.

There's nothing like borrowing song lyrics for a backhanded compliment, but misspell the thing (and omit all the necessary apostrophes) and you come across more crude than clever.

2) Be specific.

Ok, so Charity smells - but what does she smell like? Hmm? Could be roses, or cotton candy. (Mmm, cotton candy...) This is the time to release your inner muse: tell us what putrescent stench Charity is emitting, and really explore your literary space, ok?

3) Keep it simple.

While you're exploring that space, though, don't get so carried away that no one can tell what you're trying to say. Instead of an oddly phrased "Youth Forgot", why not go with something more straightforward? You know, like this:

See, the lack of exclamation marks or capital letters here really brings home juuust the right amount of indifference. Even the off-centered leaning seems to say, "Hey, I got you a cake, alright? Don't go pushing your geezer luck by expecting quality."

And lastly,

4) A little name-calling can go a long way.

Again, creativity is king here. Just watch your penmanship; that "Fink" could almost be mistaken for "Tink".

Thanks to this next one I think I've found my new favorite pet name for John:

Brilliant!

Kathryn R., Laura I., Sonya L., Mercedes R., Beth, & Kelli A., obviously your fathers smelled of elderberries.