All Your Base Are Be Wrong To Us

I've had a few requests for more sports-related cakes, since I think there was a World Series or something going on at some point in the recent past. (My perception is uncanny, I know. Let's just say my "sporty sense" was tingling.)

So let's see...that's baseball, right? Okey doke. [virtually rifling through photos] Uhhh. Ah! Here we go:

Mmm, this reminds me of that most fragrant of bakery delicacies: the moldy kitchen sponge. And that Christmas tinsel? Flossing WIN.

What's wrong with this baseball diamond? Ah, the answer is in the question, grasshoppah. [nodding sagely] The answer...is in the question.

In fact, most of the "diamonds" on these Wrecks are anything but:

Although frankly, singling out the diamond issue here is a little like complaining there are no in-flight peanuts while the plane is going down.

Now, I never thought I would say this, but...Thank goodness for plastic flotsam!

How else would we know this is an Elmo/baseball kite?

And lastly, this Wreckerator gives us a "rosy outlook" on the sport:

Wow. This may be the first time I've ever hoped someone was colorblind. You know, for his/her own sake.

Natalee S., Mary G., Dawn B., Hannah, & Ashley P., those "baseballs" are terrifying. Hold me?

- Related Wreckage: Sporty Spice Cakes

NOTE: No, you're not losing your mind; two of these Wrecks have been posted before. Oopsie. I was, uh, testing your memory. Yeah. That's it.
(On the other hand, perhaps you are losing your mind, and only think you're reading this right now. Have you considered that? Hmmm?)

What's Black & White & Wrecked All Over?

No, not this guy:

Source
"Dude, are those Cheetos?"

See, his stripes actually look like zebra stripes. Which is fortunate, since he is, in fact, a zebra.

Ask for zebra stripes on your cake, however, and there's no telling what you'll get. Maybe Jim's "huuuge pointy teeth!" model:

Or perhaps something that makes you e-mail Christina B. to ask what the heck it's supposed to be, since the pattern has burned out your visual cortex:

(Yes, she really did have to tell me this is the number 30. How embarrassing.)

Then there's Kristen N.'s post-modern, depressed zebra stripes:

(Why depressed? Because it's a little blue, of course.)

And then, the really lucky ones get a little of Beth P.'s airbrush action:

Ah. Such skill. Such attention to detail. Such...airbrushiness.

But the really, really lucky ones get a shell-less albino turtle covered in gills:

Ha! Just kidding! Those stripes are way too good.

Kayla U., maybe your baker was trying to make the majestic zebra turtle. Eh?

- Related Wreckage: Monkey See, Monkey Doo-Doo