Fill Me Up, Buttercup.

The great thing about cake is you can make it look like anything. Dead rat? No problem! Broken toe? Gimmie an hour! Dong cake? You want that in chocolate, red velvet, or Funfetti?

The only problem is that many decorators just don't have the "skillz" necessary to pull off a really good dong cake. [smirk] So instead, they make their cakes look like popcorn.

(For what it's worth, that segue made more sense in my head.)

Now, bakers, the first thing to do when making a popcorn cake - and this is very important - is to try to make a cake that looks like popcorn.

Or maybe just label it "popcorn."

As useful as labeling can be, though, there are still times when you want your popcorn cake to kind of look a little bit like actual popcorn:

So I guess this is not one of those times.

Really, though, I think you can do a little better than that. Go on! Give it a try.

Um. Well, I've never seen beige popcorn before...

Maybe you could try for a more "buttery yellow?"

Too much! TOO MUCH!

Those appear to be Bugles.

Cheetos. Definitely Cheetos.

And that's the back of this guy's head:

Ok, obviously this isn't working. Tell you what, bakers: why don't we try something a little more... drastic?

A-ha! Success!

So the moral is: when you can't figure out how to make something in icing, just put the real thing on there instead!

Although I wouldn't suggest it with the Dong cake.

The health inspectors might complain.

Thanks to John B., Mia & Trinh, Melissa S., Dolly N., Chelsea E., Miles J., Amy S., & John M., who think all popcorn should come with a side of icing. Yeah. Just imagine all that soggy, salty, greasy goodness! Mmmmmmmhurk.

Shamrocks? How About ShamPOOS?

AHAHAHAHAAA!!

Ew.

Those almost make me long for the days of anthropomorphized, lumpy-armed clover characters.

Almost.

Ok, I think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room, guys.

Otherwise he'll just keep trampling on all the shamrocks.

Besides, maybe he'll remember what one looks like.

Nooo...

Not quite...

Egads! A pox upon thine cake!

Hey, you know what it is? I think I figured it out: the bakers just need a base of reference! A small photo, perhaps, or some shamrock-shaped things, perhaps made out of plastic...

Oh.

Never mind.

Psst. Feelin' "lucky," punk?

'Cuz with fronds like those, you've definitely got anemones.

Thanks to Trina D., Michele T., Cara H., Alena C., Sara, Coreena N., Nell B., Robin, and also the elephant in the room, who, when confronted with today's wrecks, offered this insightful commentary:

via Chicago Tribune

We hear ya, dude.