Win With Civility

Did you know August is National 'Win with Civility' Month? It's true; the internets told me so.

And since we could all use a reminder from time to time that "polite is always right," I've prepared a few handy tips.

Civility Tip #1 - Always precede a negative comment with a positive one:

Civility Tip #2 - Practice an attitude of gratitude:

And maybe your spelling.

Civility Tip #3 - Instead of rudely pointing out the birthday girl's faults, try focusing on her accomplishments:

Or, if s/he has no accomplishments to speak of, then try complimenting a physical feature.

There! See how easy it is to be polite?

Now, you try!

Ok, well, that's not so much a compliment as it is a reminder of old age - which is never polite. Why not try opening up, instead? You know, tell her how you really feel?

Um.
Ok.
Well, while I applaud your honesty, that's...not very positive.

Ok, new tactic: Is there anything you can congratulate her on? Something worth complimenting?

Ah, much better.

So remember, kids: polite is always right, and successfully kicking narcotics calls for frosted cheesecake.

Don't ask me why; it just does.

Thanks to Wreckporters Whitney M., Birdy, Susan K., Heather R., Andrea F., Gina G., & Janet S., who, for the record, have never had frosted cheesecake.

Battle of the Beach

{We now return to your favourite underwater crime series, "Crab Cakes: Ocean Justice"}

{sobbing} "Help! Help!"

"Dr. Octopus is back! And his shenanigans are more evil than ever!"

"Mwuaah haa haa! You'll never stop me! I may have lost six legs in the last battle, but I'll never lose the power to DESTROY YOU!!"

"Stop right there, partner!"

"Nobody messes with the Sheriff of Crabtown."

Little did the Sheriff know, he was about to meet Doc Oct's gang of corrupt cephalopod cohorts straight from Squid Roe:

Mr. Blue...

"Dress sharp, kill clean."

The Twins...

{in unison} "We're adorable and ready to ink."

And Crazy Lou!

"WwwhhaaaLLAA OOOAaAaaHHhhH!"

Gulp.

""Don't worry, Sheriff. I, Professor Knowsitall, am writing up a sneaky plan to destroy the Evil Octopodes once and for all! First, we'll lead them down to the beach using cunning tactics."

"Then, we'll all stop shaving our armpits...

"Ya know, to appear more intimidating."

"Lastly, we'll disguise ourselves as footballs and hurl each other at them in an all-out ambush!"

"Now that's a pinch-hitter!"
(Oh, that's baseball? Whatever. No need to be crabby!)

Stay tuned for our next episode where Crabtown gets hit with a tidal wave! Will the Sheriff make it out alive? What happened to little Jake? And who took all the suntan lotion? Rolling credits: Jessica, Mauri T., Laura F., Carrie S., Kristy S., Jessica H., Carolann, Gabrielle W., Naomi, Beth W., Amanda, and Megan C.

Note from Jen: I have to add that the second to last crab reminds me of my favorite poem: "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning." That is all.