Bum Voyage

I was actually trying to keep this on the DL (yo), but John and I planned to slip away for a Caribbean cruise this week.

Which, naturally, made us happy as a couple of pigs with pacifiers.

(What? I work with the cakes I'm given, k?)

We also booked a cabin for my parents, since we don't get to see them much.

These are not my parents.

Nice rat wedding cake, though.

Anyway, so, we flew my folks down,

Bargain airfare ftw!

...and then John and I stayed up all night finishing my sparkly dress for Formal Night:

I'm, uh, really short.

Bright and early Sunday morning, we drove the four and a half hours down to the cruise port:

We like a sweet ride.

When we arrived, though, DISASTER:

Um. I meant that in a more metaphorical sense.

See, I didn't realize my passport had expired a few months earlier, and that meant I wasn't allowed on the ship. Because how could they tell if I was a U.S. citizen? I mean, once the passport expires, I could have been born *anywhere*, right? (/sarcasm)

Ok, so this pig (I think it's a pig) looks more frightened than sarcastic. But do you know how hard it is to find a sarcastic looking cake?

I mean besides this one.

Anyway, getting back to my tragic tale of metaphorical disaster:

So, my passport was a no-go. However, they *would* accept a photocopied birth certificate. Which is illegal to use for identification purposes. And I, unfortunately, didn't have one. But hey, if the red tape says photocopied birth certificates are admissible, but slightly out-of-date passports are not, who am I to question?

Besides, there was some not-so-crappy news: since they were refusing us passage, the cruise line promised us a credit for another cruise, which we could take later. So at least there was that.

Except...it turns out, there's not that.

This is me, watching my family sail away.

Only, you know, with less apples and more snot. [head tilt] And clothing. Definitely more clothing.

Still, I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about all this. Sure, we're out a lot of money, and won't get to see my family again for some time, and have been treated like lying scammers for asking for the voucher we were promised, but anger doesn't solve anything. [nodding seriously]

In fact, Celebrity Cruises, I got you a virtual cookie cake - just to show there are no hard feelings.

See? It's a visual representation of how you treated us! Isn't that sweet?

Aimee F., Erin B., Lindsey N., Alexandra W., Nicole R., Kester, Meredith F., Sarah C., David S., & Samantha S, ok, maybe there are some hard feelings. Teensy tiny ones. Sorry; I'm just a little stressed. I guess I need a vacation.

Oh.

Riiiight.

Update from John: Just the facts, Ma'am.

-The expired passport? Yes, totally our fault. We know. Bummer.

-The cruise line would accept a faxed birth certificate. Totally wrong. Also, passports used to be valid for up to a year after expiration for cruise purposes. I've been on three cruises with an expired passport. The whole ID thing is wonky.

-Two Celebrity employees at the port including a supervisor assured us we would get a voucher for another cruise - but now they won't honor that promise. That's the main issue here.

Now THAT'S Italian

Today's post has a special Read-Along Feature!
Press play before scrolling down to get the full "Italian" flavor.

Ay everybody! Giusseppe Sarducci here froma Ma Biga Freakin Italiana Cake located ina beautiful downtown Trenton. We specialize ina making da biggest, freakina cakes you ever dida see. An we gotta somatin new!

Looka dat!

Even da leetle Bambina, she knows! She'sa sayin, "Ay! Dasa one biga freakina cake! I mean looka dat! What isa dat, lika twenty-seven feet a cake?! Who needsa more cake dena dat?!?

Now you might be asking youself, "Isa ma cake gonna be so beautiful like the one ina da picture?" You know it!

Firs, we starta wita da cake which isa twelve eenchess high, ten eenchess wide ana twenty-seven feet long. Den, we squeeze rowa after row ofa brown "icing" ona top.

[kissing fingertips] Bueno!

Denna, we take what we lika to call "dirt" ana we put dat ona top too!

Isa so beautiful!

Finally, we taka a biga tubba cream, ana put DAT ona top, too!

Everyting go ona top!

Ana one more ting! Ma uncle Guido, he make'a da bessa squiggles ana dots you eva dida see so we puta dose ona da cake too! It's mucho cucina bella farfalla cappelini lasagna!! Mach schnell!

So calla Ma Biga Freakin Italiana Cake today. Because ifa is nota Freakin Big...

...is nota cake! Ciao!

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