No More Rhymes Now, I Mean It!

This Sunday is National Haiku Poetry Day, so I thought I'd share a few of my illustrated favorites:

Soft blue and brown swirls
somehow incomplete without
a beheaded deer.

Soft evening breezes
Radioactive tampons
Lighting my undies

Just clowning around
What a way to be headed
Coulrophobia

She drives me crazy
Like no one else (ooh. ooh.)
Someone check the oil.

Waves of well wishes
A sea of celebration
Happy...Stan? You ok?

 

Thanks to Grace R., Maria A., Kristina K., Samantha T., & Fay K., who know that haikus are easy, but sometimes they don't make sense.

Refrigerator.

Man Cakes For Beef Cakes

Robyn T.'s family was celebrating four birthdays, and since the birthday boys were all guys, they asked for a "masculine" cake.

Instead, they got an inscription that took them all afternoon to puzzle out:

(I assume the first symbol was the top half of a "4" on the order sheet. Don't you just love written games of Telephone?)

See, your problem was trusting the bakers to know what's masculine, Robyn. Next time, just ask for the balloons to be bunched together with one long and two round ones:

INSTA-MANLINESS.

Or how about some cookies to remind the guys of the bachelor party they never had?

(I saw a balloon stripper on Night Court* once, so now I just assume all bachelor parties have them. DON'T BURST MY BUBBLE.)

Men don't like a lot of talking about their feelings and whatnot, so remember to keep your namby-pamby adjectives to yourself, if you please:

Replace the roses with crushed beer cans, and now we're REALLY talking.

Oh, hey, you know what men do like?
Tools:

...and peeing on things.

So the next time you need a masculine design, peeps, don't ask for it. Just find something in the case that already works!

Now just jam a power drill on this thing, and you're golden.

Thanks to Robyn T., Mandy B., Jamie D., Robb J., Jaleo, & Kallan for knowing there is nothing - NOTHING - more manly than chocolate skid marks.

*****

*PROOF: