You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello

It's ironic that a cake meant to welcome a new baby into the world looks so funereal, don't you think? The only thing missing is a miniature carnation wreath at the foot of the cask... er, I mean bassinet.

I can't decide if having the baby's eyes open make it less creepy, or more. Still, at least you're not expected to eat the baby itself - so, you know, it's got that much going for it.

I'll Take My Chances

Either this is the new "Russian Roulette" event in a Competitive Eating Competition, or someone is trying to tell the cake-lover in their life to start prioritizing. If said cake-lover is anything like me, however, he or she would be reading the word "Poison" with 3 bon bons already stuffed in her cheeks, chipmunk style.

And lest you think the odds are 1 in 6, like I initially did, look again. There are actually bon-bons ringing the whole cake, so your odds are more like 1 in 30. Well, assuming you only eat one, of course, which we all know would be against the laws of nature.

Aside from the possible poisoning attempt, this cake also breaks the laws of good taste by employing a sporadic color palette, sickly-looking yellow "flowers" (I use the term loosely), and a general over-use of the star tip: it looks like someone decorated the whole thing with a Redi-Whip can. Also, if we're to assume those red things are berries (see, John? I'm giving it the benefit of the doubt!), why are most of them centered on the "leaves"?