LIFE Wrecks

LIFE and Google teamed up not too long ago to create a nifty online photo database of LIFE photographs, 97% of which were never previously released to the public. It's really fascinating stuff, and I highly recommend you do a search for "cake" there the next time you're bored. Most are gorgeous creations that show that cake art has a long and rich history, but a few are a bit more...interesting:

Good to know that handwriting and spacing were an issue even back in 1951. It only looks misspelled, though; that's just a scrunched 'm' in 'recommissioned'.

This one is just odd:

What IS this? Do you suppose it's made of large donuts? And the ferns - why?
(UPDATE: Mystery solved : it's a "baumkuchen". Thanks, guys!)

You'll "tank" me for this next one:

See, this is why you don't let guys cut the cake. The archive is full of men cutting cakes with swords, too. [eye roll] Fellas, it's a TANK. Do you really need to "man it up" by cutting it with your rifle?

This one is actually a "dog cake", but I had to include it for the "oh-no-they-di'in't!" factor (Note: put down the coffee and brace yourself):

[dry-heaving] Why? Why did someone feel THIS was deserving of preservation on film? WHY?!?

And finally, a modern-day Wreck:

"Oprah? Is that you?"

All images courtesy of the LIFE photo archive. Thanks to Becca B. for finding Oprah's head and Jessica T. for the doggie Wreck.

Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators

[opening fridge] "Hey Sarah, you got any bee...AAAAUUGGHHH!!!!"

For those of you who would otherwise insist on knowing the whys and wherefores of this photo, here's what submitter Sarah M. had to say for herself (yes, she's the baker):

Subject: I swear I do get paid for making cakes

"The attached however was for a friend's surprise birthday party at a Chinese restaurant and since the birthday girl was born in the year of the rat, well I thought a giant rat cake would be appropriate."

Good thinking. Rats as a whole get far too little face time in the world of cakes.

"However my air conditioning failed halfway through the process and the butter cream icing began to destabilize and well all I could save was the head with the light up eyes."

Yep, see that tin foil "tail"? It's electric!

"The recipient of the cake claimed to my face it was the best d**n thing she had ever received.

- Sarah (I have more talent than this) M."

Sarah, I think I speak for everyone here when I say: you really need to buy better beer. Is that Miller Lite I spy in the door? Tsk, tsk. Oh, and also: we should all be so lucky to have friends make us electrified rodent heads for our birthday celebrations. Right, guys?