Santa Auditions

"Thank you all for coming to the Punxsutawney Mall Santa Auditions! We're here to find a special Santa 'stand-in' [winkwink] to take pictures with the kids this weekend. So, let's bring you in one by one, and have you give us your very best Santa greeting! Ok? Ok!

"First contestant, you're up!"

"ARR! Marrrrry Christmas, ye landlubbers!"

"Um...sorry, but I think we're looking for someone just a little more traditional. Next, please!"

"Bark! Bark bark bark bark!!"

"I'm confused. Are you a dog or a seal?"

"Not really sure, love, but look! I can throw things in the air!"

"Next!"

"Merry frickin' Christmas."

"Oh, my, is that really a proper Santa attitude?"

"Lady, quit screaming. Santa's head is KILLING him."

"NEXT!!"

"How much for the women?"

"NEXT!!"

[growling]

"Ohhh kaaaay. I'm going to back away slowly now.

"Well, that's everyone, so I guess we'll just have to go with Mrs. Claus again this year. That ok with you, Mrs. Claus?

"Mrs. Claus?"

[ .... ]

"Look, I know you're great with the kids, but maybe you could consider, you know, talking once in a while."

[ .... ]

"Or blinking."

Thanks to Nick K., Michelle C., Laura C., Kim P., Sarah M., & Katie C. for the Silent Fright.

*****

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The Christmas Creep

Well helloooo, people still finishing your Halloween candy.

READY FOR CHRISTMAS?

::aggressively shakes jingle bells::

Yes, yes, I hear you. "It's too early!" "What about Thanksgiving?"

Blah. Blah. BLAH.

Look at this tree:

Doesn't it fill you with CHEER?

(Ignore the balls.)

(Or don't, if they're helping.)

And wouldn't you rather look at pretty presents right now?

(Pretend these are pretty.)

Or how about the smell of freshly baked gingerbread?

"Heyyyyyy maaaaaaaan."

My point is, move over, Fall; Christmas is on a roll!

A cinnamon roll.

::jazz hands::

So just get ready for 7 weeks of Mannheim Steamroller instrumentals, cinnamon air freshener, garland everywhere, twinkle lights, and creepy Christmas cakes.

Yessssss.

I CAN'T WAIT.

Thanks to Toni S., Elizabeth B., Jacquelyn B., Matthew O., Anony M., Bonnie B., Caroline, Rachel, & Abby for reminding us it's the most wonderful time of the year.

*****

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