Ain't No Party Like A Cake Wrecks Woman-Giving-Birth-In-A-Bathtub Par-TAY

John tells me it's Bathtub Party Day, and John ALSO tells me this is the perfect opportunity to remind you of our second-ever censored Cake Wreck, posted several Internet ice ages ago back in 2008.

SO...

Who's ready for some life-sized, potentially-nightmare-inducing, definitely traumatizing, yet fortuitously-censored CAKE? Hmm?

Settle down, now, all of you; there's enough here for everyone.

And no, you CAN'T all split that little birthday cake; then who would eat the legs? The belly? The.. er...tracts of land?

More importantly, who would peel off the towel and answer that one burning question in all our minds:

...which would be worse, eyes or no eyes?

(John would like me to point out that this cake has teeth. There are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin.)

What's that? You want another angle?

SAY NO MORE.

We established last time that "Uprise" is either a really bad attempt at "surprise," the reaction your lunch has to seeing this cake (Hamilton Time: RISE UP!), or possibly the name of the birthing center where this was served. Personally I'm rooting for reason #2.

I actually had this submitted twice, by both Gina & Jeanette E, so thanks for that, ladies. I think it's safe to say none of us will ever bathe with our birthday cakes the same way ever again.

SPECIAL BONUS CONTENT:

Q: You know what the best part of a life-sized nekkid lady cake is?

A: The leftovers.

Note from john (thoJ): By popular request, here's a link to the uncensored picture.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

Yes, Bakers Are Still Making Disgusting Baby Shower Cakes

Warning: Graphic cakes of a medical nature to follow. Hide the kids, and hold on to your appetites!

Additional Helpful Warning from john (the hubby of Jen): There's lady bits ahead.

Remember when all we had to worry about on baby shower cakes was the occasional creepy doll or demonic ultrasound photo?

Next were the boob and belly cakes, because apparently moms-to-be harbor sado-cannabalistic tendencies:

Then they added those Alien-inspired belly-burster baby feet - which is SUPER fun to say three times fast. (Go on, try it. You know you want to.)

Soon even celebs like Christina Aguilera were getting in on the gross-out-your-guests act:

So how do you top edible naked moms giving birth?
Why, make the cake wet plastic shiny and embed a bunch of CLEAR GELATIN, of course.

Mmm, that's the stuff.

Or you could go for classic realism:

Sure, everyone will 'ooh' and 'ahhh' - until the carving knife comes out.
("No, no, YOU serve." "No, you!" "Maybe we'll just have ice cream.")

(If you need more nightmares, just look at this baby cake being sliced.)

But for maximum hurkin'-in-the-gherkins, there's really no beating the spread leg, peek-a-boo head:

With extra jam filling.

Hang on, it's missing something. No, not feet. Or a torso. Or common decency.

PUBIC HAIR!

Ah, so much better.

But really, aren't those legs kind of, I dunno, unnecessary?

I mean, let's get back to basics, people:

All a good dessert needs is stretched vagina lips, and a crowning fetus head. Am I right, or am I right?

Thanks to Kasey V., Sandy R., Linda G., Darren W., Devon H., Lynds, & Maggie for understanding that there was really no good way to censor those last three, short of blacking out the whole photo. Which would be preferable, but less educational.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.