My New Favorite Wedding Cake

Roses are red,

Butterflies are blue,

Um...

Pardon me, but are those sperm on your wedding cake?

Poem Option #2:

The cake that keeps giving,
and makes your guests squirm,
'Cause nothing says "marriage,"
like butterflies and sperm!

Poem Option #3:

Roses are red
And cake can be pretty.
How sad for you,
'Cuz yours looks all...
[eyeing children]
...unpleasant.

(Betting this cake will be pulled by baker request in 3...2...)

Thanks to Kristen G., who wishes more things rhymed with "tadpoles." Or is that just me?

The Far Side of the Bakery

During the traditional "Ongo Longo" dance, the natives express thanks for the year's crops, the tribe's health, and for the glandular defect running rampant in the island's pigs.

The scientists found that results were mixed. Some mice seemed to enjoy the whistling spleen, while others were petrified beyond all bowel control.

As the minutes ticked by, Elmo realized with dawning horror that this was one staring contest he might not win.

Batman would later have cause to regret his rather insensitive "manual control" quip.

Wall-E considered. On the one hand, he adored Eve and wanted to make her happy. But on the other, he was surrounded by mounds of crap.

Thanks to Susan S., Beth M., Kimmi D., Bianca S., & Karen P. for the wrecks, and to Gary Larson - once again - for allowing me to be raised on The Far Side.