A Team Effort

Ever wonder how a Cake Wrecks post gets written? Well, sometimes, it's like this:

Me: "I need a post idea. Any funny holidays coming up?"

John: [googling] "Hmm. Oh. Here we go: it's National Self-Help Group Awareness Month."

Me: "Isn't a 'self-help' group an oxymoron?"

John: [Already back to playing Tiny Wings on his phone] "Mmmmmhmmmm."

Me: "And what cakes would I use, anyway?"

::five minutes later::

Me: "Found one! Look:"

"See, the cupcakes on the right are all, 'Help me!!' and the left ones are like, 'DO EET YERSELF.' Eh?"

John: [glancing over] "You can't use those. They look like KKK cupcakes."

Me: "Ha! Yeah, but...they're chocolate. C'mon. That's kind of awesome."

John: "NOPE."

Me: "Fine. What else have you got?"

John: "Er..." [scrolling] "...next week is Meat Week."

Both together: "Naaah."

John: "Glaucoma Awareness Month?"

Me: "Oooh! I have the perfect cake for that!"

"No, wait, wait. HERE we go:"

Me: Bwahahaha!! Right? RIGHT?!"

John: [silence]

Me: "Or is that cataracts?"

John: "I don't understand. Do you ENJOY hate mail?"

Me: "Ok, Ok, never mind."

John: "Next you'll want to use Stocking Awareness Month. "

Me: "That's this month? Weird. You'd think it'd be last month."

John: "Why?"

Me: [busy clicking]

John: "You're not actually writing about Stocking Awareness Month, are you?"

Me: [still clicking] "Mmmhmm...."

John: "Jen..."

Me: "Hang on. Busy here."

John: "Jen..."

Me: "K, how 'bout this one?"

"Were you AWARE that this is, in fact, a stocking?"

John: [staring]

Me: "What? Not good enough?"

John: "It's 'stocking' with an 'AL.' You know, stalking?"

Me: [eyes wide] "Ooooooooooh."

John: "Yeah."

Me: "Well, I guess that makes more sense."

John: "Yeah."

Me: "But I think I have a cake for..."

John: "I'm going to stop you there. It's also National Handwriting Analysis Week. GO WITH THAT."

Me: "Ok, ok. FINE."

So without further ado, my dear Wreckies, here is today's post:

It's National Handwriting Analysis Week. I can tell you that the baker of today's cake was a focused individual with a flair for the dramatic, as well as someone who channels his or her emotions through humor. He or she may also have a less than helpful spouse who is MORE than welcome to write a post again himself sometime. JUST SAYIN'.

Thanks to Katrina V., Traci C., Selena E., Amanda R., & Brea S. for making today a day worth celebrating. And also thanks to John, my sweet hubby, for still laughing at all my jokes even while telling me I absolutely can NOT write that.

You Don't Know Jack

Once Upon A Time...

...there was a boy named Jack:

 ...who used a lot of sunblock.

Jack lived with his mother in "The Hovel by the Phallic Fountain."

The hovel needed a new roof, but Jack and his mother had no money.

So they decided to sell their only cow, Boxy.

(Look, I don't know what it is, either, but this story is going to move along a lot better if we can all just agree it's a cow, OK? Moo.)

On the way to the market, though, Jack met:

...the Way Stuffed Cellulite Man.

Mr. Way Stuffed convinced Jack to trade him the "cow" for a tray of tragic spleens.

(Sure, they look happy now, but that's only because they don't recognize my masterful use of foreshadowing.)

Jack's mother was livid when he can home with the spleens, and made Jack give them a proper burial.

(See? Tragic.)

After a miserable night with no supper, Jack woke up to see a flowing vine where he'd buried the spleens:

Flows like a river.

The Tragic Spleenstalk reached all the way to the clouds. As Jack stood gaping, suddenly the Faceless Fairy appeared!

"Jack, climb the spleenstalk to find a magic chicken who lays golden eggs!" she projected telepathically.

(She doesn't have a mouth. Try to keep up.)

"But beware the ogre who guards the chicken!"

So Jack climbed the spleenstalk, and there was the chicken:

In a festive knit straitjacket.

Jack had just grabbed the bird when he heard a roar!

It was the ogre, Oh'Duh!

"Take the bird not you will!" Oh'Duh screeched.

Jack quickly fled down the spleenstalk, where his mother was waiting with a dump truck and a huge load:

...of dirt.

Before the ogre could follow, they knocked over the spleenstalk and buried it, trapping Oh'Duh in his cloud city.

With the money they made from the golden eggs, Jack and his mother were able to build a brand new home by the Phallic Fountain, complete with matching turrets.

(Those two really know how to use their heads.)

And they all lived happily ever after.

Well, OK, maybe not ALL of them.

Thanks to Amy, Giopi, Sarah J., Graham K., Sara E., moxie, Jenni Q., Shannon C., Becky C., Flowe L., Dani S., and Daniel C. for the fairy fail ending.