Resolution Delusions

2012 is winding down, my friends, so it's time to start brainstorming all the resolutions we're going to commit to, post proudly on Facebook, and then quietly renege on by Valentines'. To not do so would be positively UNAMERICAN, so let's get started!

Just remember: The ol' "better diet and more exercise" routine is BO-RING. Nobody cares if you ever fit into your college jeans again, mkay? So why not give us something with a little more zip? A little more pizazz? A little more "yahoo and how?"

You know, like: 

 - Better bowel habits.

Or drinking less booze. Really, this cake works for both.

- Become a vegetarian

That's always a hip, happening kind of choice - unlike using the words "hip" and/or "happening." And if you need a little incentive:

Thaaaat oughta do it.

 (The baker sent this to me herself, btw, so don't think I'm being mean by leaving that watermark on. And yes, it's SUPPOSED to be bloody fried chicken. So speaking as someone who really likes fried chicken, I'd like to wish a pox on the house of Jen's Just Desserts - while fully realizing the overwhelming irony of the name.)

For a more intellectual New Year's goal, how about:

- Go to college

Clown college totally counts. Plus it's perfect for anyone who hates children*!

Here's one we can all aspire to: 

- Be more supportive of friends and loved ones:

'Nuff said.

Or, finally, in 2013:

- Don't be afraid to admit when you've made a mistake.

 After all, there's no shame in admitting when you're wrong.

There are, however, certain website audiences which will get a real kick out of it.

Thanks to Anony M., Jen R., Diana, Michelle B., & Sarah G. for the suggestions. Personally, I think I'm going with "play more video games" and "leave the house more." You, uh, don't suppose those two will interfere with each other, do you? o.0

*I say this as a former clown who does, in fact, have a strong dislike of children. (Hey, don't judge 'til you've seen a roving pack of unsupervised children descend upon a single clown bearing a bag of candy, ok? They're animals. ANIMALS, I tell you!)

No Business Like Snow Business

Christmas may be over, but winter is here to stay - or at least it is for you poor Northern schmoes. Me, I'm enjoying the 70 degree weather with all the windows open. (Yep, I'm going to be THAT GUY. Wanna see a photo of my feet in flip-flops? Huh? Do ya?)

Of course, all this Florida sunshine does mean I miss out on the best part of winter: building a snowman. So I guess I'll have to get my vicarious thrills through these bakers' versions:

Ah, it's the ol' Fez-wearing, Zuchinni-nosed, Oogie-Boogie model! (And judging by those "sprinkles," this Nightmare After Christmas has a cold. Yech.)

By the way, why do so many snowman cakes have feet? Am I missing something, or do the flotsam designers all live in Florida, too?

The Jumping Jack Flash.

Here's the number one reason yellow snowmen are a bad idea:

To say nothing of using "logs" for arms.

If I ever had the chance, I'd totally build this Stalker Snowman peeking over a hedge in the front yard:

I always feel like
Somebody's WATCHING mee-eee-eee!
AND I HAVE NO PRIVACY!
Oh-Whoah-Oh!

Or mabye this I Love Lucy Snowwoman:

All she's missing is a bottle of VitaMeataVegimen.

"Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? Well, ARE YOU?!"

Hey, check it out: this guy's on a roll!

Not to mention the stuff that sticky nightmares are made of. o.0

I'd like to make it perfectly clear that this next cake is NOT a wreck, although it still makes me laugh every time I see it. It is, in fact, my favorite snowman cake of all time:

By Jason Boyce

You can almost see those stick hands patting around, looking for their head, right?

Well, enjoy your snowy fun, my friends, and maybe think of me and my flip-flops from time to time:

Or just Twizzlers between your toes. :D

Thanks to Linda B., Kristin F., Kathy H., Elizabeth C., Amy A., Holly M., Lisa C., & Stephanie R. for the frosted Frostys.