Mixed Signals

Some cakes are hard to read, and for once I'm not talking about the handwriting:

A screaming baby paired with "congratulations"? Ah, that's subtle sarcasm at its snarky finest.

Here's a tip gleaned from years of family reunions: the second Mrs. Klass asks "What's that supposed to mean?", it's time to leave. Trust me.

Of course some cakes are more subtle, like this one:

"We'll wish you luck, but we don't have to be happy about it."

Or just baffling, like this one:

I'm not sure if this guy is supposed to look afraid of being eaten, disapproving, or in pain from his "shades" melting onto his face. Say, there's a bit of unintentional ironic realism for you: sunglasses melted onto the face of the sun. Heh.

If Mr. Future's-So-Bright's feelings are ambivalent, though, these cookies are clearly ticked off:

Poor angry cookies. At least their pain is my sugary gain - and I get the added bonus of talking smack to my food. "What, you lookin' at me, punks? Huh? How's about I drown you in some milk before biting your heads off, then? Yeah, not so puffed up now, are you, tough guys?"

And finally [smirk],

All that black - and black roses, no less! - makes this look more like a final retirement cake, if you catch my drift. It gets double Wreck points for the "Retiremet" misspelling, too.

Brittany M., Elizabeth G., Jessica C., Linda N., Monique R., and Jill C., many "thanks".

Wrecks Takes a Field Trip

Today, class, we're going to see an example of how other sugary foods can become Wrecks.

Here we have what looks at first glance to be a perfectly normal hamburger:

But check out the description sent to me by the "architectural foodsmiths" over at Bompas & Parr:

"The burger, known as the Monnow Valley Burger, is comprised of a hamburger patty with two slices of melted cheese, tomatoes, secret sauce and onions sandwiched inside a Krispy Kreme Original Glazed donut and garnished with a slice of gherkin. The Monnow Valley Burger contains up to 1000 calories and 45 grams of fat."

Daaaang.

This is nuts! I mean, c'mon, "architectural foodsmiths"? They stick a Whopper in a Krispy Kreme, and they get to call themselves "architectural foodsmiths"? Really?

I guess in their defense, they also created this snazzy little number:

That's pork and tomatoes under that sugary-sprinkled donut shell, my friends. Awww yeeeah.

Now that I've whet your appetites, I'm sure you're demanding to know just where you can procure one of these culinary delights. Well, if you live across the pond you're in luck: they debut this Saturday, September 20th, at the Abergavenny Food Festival in Britain.

And here's the kicker: Bompas & Parr are billing the Monnow Valley Drive-Thru where the burgers are served as "the ultimate American eating and entertainment experience". So going by their press release, the "ultimate American experience" equals hotdog-eating-contests, theater performances in which the actors are dressed as "a flock of burgers", screenings of the movie Pulp Fiction, and of course thousand-calorie-donut-burgers.

Wow. So much to be offended by, so little time.

Actually, I'm kind of torn: this could in fact be brilliant satire, considering our American love-affair with gut-busting fast food and general idiocy. I mean, the show "Flavor of Love" alone should by all rights get us kicked back into the Stone Age, so if donut-burgers and hotdog-eating-contests are the Brits' way of poking fun, huzzah and well played. If, on the other hand, they honestly think Pulp Fiction and prancing flocks of burgers epitomizes US culture, then let me be the first to remind Bompas & Parr that we Americans may be fat, and have questionable taste in entertainment, but we can occasionally tell when we're being insulted. And furthermore, we don't like it very much. (Being insulted, I mean; not the other stuff.)

So there.

Many thanks to Bompas & Parr for the photos and info. Guys, I don't know if I should shake your hands or slap your faces. Maybe you should send me some of those donut burgers so I can make an informed decision.

And as for the rest of you: field trip over! We continue with our regularly scheduled Cake Wrecks tomorrow.