Ye Olde Yuletide Ax

Prepare your retinas for an assault of Christmas-time proportions:

Jami H. assures me there's actually cake under that mess. A mess, I might add, which is completely inedible - except for the frosting dots on the plastic aquarium sprigs, of course. So let's see: we've got trees, icicle garland, holly berries and leaves, and a shiny gold...ax?

Srsly - who plans this stuff?

When Gangsters Go "PC"

"Bugsy, whaddaya doin'?"

"Just decoratin' this here Christmas cake, boss."

"Bugsy, you can't write "Christmas" there - it's gonna offend somebody! An' don't call me 'boss'."

"Sorry, boss. Can I write 'happy holidays'?"

"Nah, dat'll offend people who don't celebrate no holidays."

"Can I just use red and green icin' and not write nuthin'?"

"Bugsy, ya knucklehead, think about it: red and green say 'Christmas', see? S'no good. Use a lotta blue - but not blue and white, mind, 'cause dat's all Hanukkah-like. Maybe try blue and poiple."

"Yeah, but what do I write, boss?"

"I dunno; Lil' Antony said it's just gotta be 'completely non-offensive-like, says nuthin' of substance, and don't reference no holidays.' Oh, and it can't start wit' 'happy' or 'merry', neither - people might think we're forcing our 'emotional views' on 'em, whatever da heck dat means."

[sigh] "Ok, boss."

"Don't call me 'boss'."

Wow, Tanya C., I'm getting filled with the holiday spirit just looking at this. I think the underline really sells it, don't you?