Considering the Uterus

Warning: Impending TMI of a medical nature. (In case the title didn't already clue you in.)

Tomorrow I will have the dubious pleasure of having the insides of my uterus cauterized. In honor of the occasion, we could take a look at the uterus in all its glory and learn from the wonders of the human body.

OR...

We could take a look at what other women order when they get their lady-bits worked on. After all, I could use a little inspiration.

(Yeah, I like option "B" better, too.)

This woman nicknamed her baby bag "Tilly", and then ordered it a farewell cake, like so:

Hm. Not a bad idea, really. Of course, coming up with just the right nickname for your internal organs can be a mixed bag - er, no pun intended. Plus, I'd have to give mine a guy's name, since I refuse to believe any female would inflict such horrors on another. So...The McCramper? Sweeney Todd? Sir-Clumps-A-Lot? I'm open to suggestions, obviously.

Elizabeth made this nifty Operation cake for her mom, who was feeling kinda down about an impending hysterectomy:

Elizabeth writes, "My friends said I should have made a driver's license with her picture and changed the F to an M, but since I didn't want her to kill herself, I just made this."

Good call, Elizabeth. Having the cake recipient collapse in a sobbing heap can be such a killjoy. Far better to take the more chipper, Pollyanna-ish route:

Although there is the possibility that wishing someone a "happy" hysterectomy could lead to a different kind of meltdown: Anyone remember Wendi Aaron's famous "Happy Period" rant at Always maxi pads? If not, and you don't mind a little language, you should check it out.

Here's my favorite line:

"...there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory."

Ah, which of us hasn't been there, eh, ladies? Or are there right now? ("Husband!! Bring me more Kahlua!!")

Some women obviously have a better relationship with their bits than I do, though:

Friends? Friends?!?
("Husband!! I mean it!!")

Now granted, I'm not having Sir-Clumps-A-Lot removed tomorrow, but that doesn't mean I'm any less apprehensive about the anesthesia and the whole, you know, cauterizing thing. So if any of you have some spare well wishes to send my way, the doctor's way, the Almighty's way, etc., I'd sure appreciate it.

Oh, and for the most realistic-looking (ie shiiiny) uterus cake yet, check out Debbie's here.

Thanks to Wreckporter Hall-of-Famer Monique R. for finding the last three.

UPDATE: For all of you asking if vasectomy cakes will be next: Been there, done that. :D

A Cake Wrecks Salute

Today we salute you, Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake Wreckerator.

[singing] "Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake WreckoRAAATor!"

Yes, in a sea of national complacency, you are the one shining beacon of truth, justice, and proper icing depictions of the American flag:

"Hey, Betsy Ross would be pro-oud!"

And when it comes to the star placement on those flags. you don't let petty things like "perspective" or "scale" get in your way:

"Ooooh, I think you need a few mo-ore!"

Yes, no other cake decorator loves this country quite the way you do, or has our sacred borders drawn on their hearts in quite the same way:

"At least you got Florida!"

So here's to you, Faithful Fan of the Frosted Flag. Because without you, tinsel and airbrushing and cliched eagle photos would never end up on Cake Wrecks, where we all know they belong:

"Mr. or Mrs. Patriotic Cake Wreckeraaaaa-tor!"

Thanks to Wreckporters Danae H., Kate B., Scott W., & Emily J., who are clearly more patriotic than you are.

- Related Wreckage: Somewhere in Kabul, there is an Italian bakery